Why? Because a new chapter has been opened in the supremely entertaining he said/ she said lawsuits between Rob Lowe and his former nannies. Now a second former nanny has sued the Lowes, but funnily enough Rob Lowe’s name doesn’t really come up.

Instead it’s Rob Lowe’s wife Sheryl Lowe who’s been hit with the brunt of accusations, and they’re ones you’ll want to read. Assuming, that is, you like hearing about a sexually-curious naked woman describing the size of her childrens’ penises and showing Rob Lowe’s cockrings to whoever happens to be passing. You do like that, don’t you?

Every man knows that if you’re going to hire a nanny, you need to hire one you can trust to keep quiet when you get drunk and start trying you put your hands in her pants. It’s an unwritten rule, and it’s one that Rob Lowe seems to have forgotten about.

Maybe it’s because he decided to sue his nannies for a million dollars for incredibly vague reasons, but Rob Lowe and his staff seem to have fallen out in a big way. Although on TV with his stupid right-angled head and solitary facial expression Rob Lowe looks like a bit of a dullard, according to his nannies his house is like a scene deleted from Caligula for being too randy.

Right after Rob Lowe launched his lawsuit, a nanny named Jessica Gibson hit back with a countersuit claiming that Lowe had exposed himself to her and tried to put his fingers in her pants. But just before you start thinking “Oh, his poor wife,” it turns out that she might not be so squeaky clean either.

Another former nanny, Laura Boyce, has also countersued the Lowe family and, as TMZ reports, her lawsuit makes some pretty fruity claims about Sheryl Lowe, including allegations of:

- Walking around naked, completely exposing herself to Boyce.

- Asking Boyce about the size of Boyce’s boyfriend’s penis.

- Once saying “laughingly that her husband’s (Rob) cockrings were broken,” allegedly showing them to Boyce.

- Talking about the size of her children’s penises.

- After Boyce allegedly phoned to say she wasn’t coming to work because she was sick, Sheryl allegedly screamed Boyce “got strep throat from sucking nigger dick. I mean black dick.”

Well well, who’d have thought that a woman who married the alcoholic star of a notorious underage sex tape could be so kinky?

Rob and Sheryl Lowe’s attorney Larry Stein has already hit back at Laura Boyce’s claims in a statement, saying:

“Having struck out against Rob Lowe, Gloria Allred now seeks to drag his wife and children into the fray. In response to a lawsuit against Laura Boyce by the Lowes, Ms. Allred filed a cross-complaint on behalf of Boyce, which contains false allegations, in an apparent attempt to divert the negative publicity which Allred’s client, [Jessica] Gibson, has universally received. Although framed as a sexual harassment claim against both Sheryl and Rob Lowe, the cross-complaint alleges only words by Sheryl and never mentions any words or conduct by Rob whatsoever. The alleged statements by Sheryl are totally unrelated to, and do not provide any support for, Gibson’s claims against Rob.”

So it looks like we’re back at square one again. Who to believe – the nannies, who could just be bitterly inventing claims as revenge for Rob Lowe’s original lawsuit; or Rob Lowe, who’s already wrecked his career with a sex scandal once, and his penis-obsessed wife?

It’s a tricky one, and we’re sure the truth will eventually come out in court. And we’re fine with that, so long as a) it’s mucky and graphic and goes on for months and months and contains ever more degrading allegations that nobody can recover from and b) it doesn’t involve Rob Lowe having to model his cockring in public. The world’s just not ready for a harrowing experience like that yet.

Read more:

Nanny Claims Rob Lowe’s Wife Sexual Harasser – TMZ

And we mean, it’s a doozy. Rob Lowe’s 24-year-old former nanny Jessica Gibson has hit back at Lowe with a lawsuit of her own that claims Rob Lowe alledgedly kept exposing himself to her, tried repeatedly to shove his hands down her knickers and grabbed her buttocks in all kinds of different ways.

This quarrel between Rob Lowe and his nanny is turning into an expensive game of he said/she said that’ll leave no reputations intact whatsoever. Having said that, though, perhaps it’s all a mix-up – perhaps Rob Lowe was only grabbing Jessica Gibson’s buttocks so he could see how dreamy it made his forearms look. That’d certainly make more sense.

We’ve always been under the impression that there’s something fishy about Rob Lowe. Maybe it’s the way his face is the exact dimension of a tortoise coffin. Maybe it’s the way his Visit California tourism advert seems desperately insincere. Maybe it’s the way he’s a recovering alcoholic who filmed himself having sex with an underage girl once. There’s just no way to find out for sure.

But when Rob Lowe sued his former nanny for a million dollars recently, it made even less sense than you’d expect it to. You’ll remember that Rob Lowe claimed that one nanny had told lies about an intimate relationship between them and was falsely claiming sexual harassment.That’s extortion.

Extortion is a criminal offence, but then Rob Lowe dismissed the help of the police when they offered to help him get to the bottom of the nanny’s claims. Which is unusual to say the least. Was Rob Lowe hiding something, you might ask?

Well, Jessica Gibson seems to think he is. That’s because Jessica Gibson is the former nanny who Rob Lowe is suing. And she’s now claimed in a countersuit that Rob Lowe allegedly exposed himself to her, tried to put his hands down his knickers and grabbed her buttocks. People reports:

Lowe, 44, the lawsuit… alleges, “placed his hand inside Gibson’s pants” several times from about Sept. 2005 to around Jan. 2008. The actor also allegedly grabbed her buttocks without her consent around Dec. 2007, according to the filing. In a statement read on Tuesday’s Today show, the Lowes’ attorney, Stanton “Larry” Stein, said: “Ms. Gibson’s older sister worked for the Lowes for 7 years. Ms. Gibson worked for the Lowes on and off for 7 years. She left at least 2 times, to pursue other jobs, and returned each time asking for more hours. She sent 2 emails the day after she left, both saying she loved the Lowes and her leaving had nothing to do with them but her heart wasn’t into being a nanny anymore. This is totally inconsistent with her latest allegations.”

So either Rob Lowe or Jessica Gibson is telling lies, but who? On the one hand, Rob Lowe’s behaviour around this lawsuit has been a little bit suspect, but on the other hand maybe Jessica Gibson is the liar here.

After all, being falsely accused of a sexual attack is probably every man’s worst nightmare. And what’s more: can you imagine Rob Low grabbing anyone’s buttocks? Of course you can’t.

That’s because Rob Lowe is too busy grabbing his own buttocks while looking in a mirror, yelling “Ow!” and snarling at himself in a creepy sexual way. That’s something we imagine that Rob Lowe does most days.

Read more:

Former Nanny: Rob Lowe Exposed Himself to Me – People