name - HecklerSpray

Natalie Portman Gives Newborn Millipede A Stupid Name Of Course

July 7th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Celebrities! Ha! One thing you can count on is that, at some point in their ultimately worthless lives, they’ll decide that fulfilment lies in family. Settling down with a partner and having children and buying a dog and making soup. It’s there in the dull things that they’ll find spiritual enlightenment.

They’ll probably start doing bloody yoga as well and really getting into charity, never making a decent film or record again. Good art never came from a contented place.

And so, the latest celebrity we’ve lost is Natalie Portman who has given birth to a millipede with her fianc? Benjamin (who has the surname of Millepied if you’re wondering where this insect joke is coming from). And what awful name have they bestowed on this poor little many legged sod?

Do You Like Facebook Like Like’s Parents Like Facebook?

May 18th, 2011 By Kris Silver

Do you remember when Facebook had groups that you could join, before they introduced the concept of pages that you could, ?like??

Well, back when there were groups, a lot of people used to set up groups with titles such as, ?If 1,000,000 people join this group my wife will let me name our first born child Spider Man.?

Because people are morons.

Ben Affleck & Jennifer Garner In ‘Fairly Decent Baby Name’ Shock

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Keep this to yourself, but we’re starting to get a tiny bit worried about Ben Affleck – specifically his arseholeishness.

Ben Affleck’s arseholeishness has been proven in his film choices, his J-Lo relationship and his fondness for schoolboy deodorant commercials. But lately there’s been less arseholeishness – first he directed a film that wasn’t horrible, and now he’s given his new daughter a non-horrible name.

Ben Affleck’s new daughter is called Seraphina Rose Elizabeth Affleck. An only slightly weird name followed by two normal alternatives? We pray that Jennifer Garner chose the name – a reality where Ben Affleck isn’t an arsehole is too horrible to consider.

OK Lisa Bonet, You Win The Stupidest Baby Name Contest

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Shiloh Nouvel, Bluebell Madonna, Bronx Mowgli, Dolly Rebecca Rose – you are now, and will always be, failures.

Why? Because there’s a very good chance you’ll be able to spell or pronounce your names by the time you’re 35. That’s not a luxury afforded to the brand-new child of former Cosby Show star Lisa Bonet, though, because Lisa Bonet has decided to give her baby son the worst name of any human being ever.

Ready? Lisa Bonet has called her son Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa. Again, that’s Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa. We believe it’s Native American for That Kid Who Everyone Beats Up.

Here’s Why Pete Wentz Gave His Son That Stupid Name

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Bronx Mowgli Wentz is a combination of words so stupid that it makes people want to punch themselves in the face just for saying it out loud.

So, by deciding to name his firstborn child Bronx Mowgli Wentz, Pete Wentz opened up a real can of borderline child abuse. In fact, the outrage over the name Bronx Mowgli Wentz has been so huge that Pete Wentz has been forced to explain the vast secrets behind its meaning. Ready to have your minds blown?

OK – he and Ashlee Simpson chose Mowgli as a name because they quite like The Jungle Book. Astounding, we know. But Pete Wentz wants to keep the meaning behind the Bronx part of the name a secret. He won’t have much luck, though, because scientists have already boiled the meaning down to either a) Pete Wentz quite likes the Bronx, b) Ashlee Simpson quite likes the Bronx or c) they are both clueless fartwhumps.

Brad Pitt’s Own Children Now More Sensible Than Brad Pitt

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

It’s obvious that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie pick their childrens’ names via a complex system of shuffled Scrabble tiles, darts and fevered Glossolalia.

Although it has plus sides – like the way that it gives Brad and Angelina a bit more of the attention that they so obviously crave – giving their children a variety of stupid names was always going to come back and kick Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie up the bum. And now it has.

You see, Brad Pitt says that Shiloh Nouvel – the oldest biological Jolie-Pitt – has decided that Shiloh is a stupid name for a child. So now she’ll only answer to the name John. We can only pray that this trend ends now – while John is still a funny name because of the gender issue, all it’ll take is for Pax Thien to decide he wants to be called Alan and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will be laughed out of the Hollywood elite.

Nicole Kidman’s Hatred Of Scientology Inspired Stupid Baby Name, Source

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Now that Nicole Kidman has finally achieved her life's goal and given birth to a baby, we can all concentrate on why she gave it such a crappy name.

And actually it seems like there's quite a simple answer – Nicole Kidman decided to name her new daughter Sunday Rose because she really, really hates Scientology. Apparently.

You see, Nicole Kidman is a Catholic and Sundays are important to Catholics, but not important to Scientologists, and she used to be a Scientologist, so she called the baby Sunday as a sort of painfully oblique jab at Scientology. See?

Insulted, Tom Cruise has vowed to even the score by naming his next child after something that's important to Scientology, meaning that in a few years we can all say hello to little Unnecessarily Litigious Cruise or Unsettling Public Image Cruise.

Halle Berry’s Baby’s Name Basically All Vowels

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

The world has been awaiting the name of Halle Berry's newborn baby daughter for quite some time now.

As far as we're aware, this is because the world has been waiting to replace 'Stupid Berry Baby' with a real name in its special Infants It's OK To Dislike Because They're Already More Beautiful Than You notebook.

But anyway, the wait is over. Halle Berry has finally decided to reveal that her baby will be known as Nahla Ariela Aubry, and we can assume that Halle Berry settled on Nahla Ariela Aubry either because it's the name of an obscure mountain range from Lord Of The Rings or because it's an anagram of Labara Urinal Yeah.

Missy Elliott Stupidly Lets You Decide Her New Album Title

March 25th, 2009 By Matthew Laidlow

Sadly, most of us aren’t going to be rock stars and will only have Guitar Hero as the next best thing.

You won’t be playing for crowds of thousands at Wembley. Instead the biggest crowd you’ll rock out to will be your grandma and her mates as they gather round for their coffee morning whilst you show them you’ve mastered the hard setting whilst blindfolded. No drug-fuelled orgies will commence, no groupies begging you for love sessions in a Travelodge so they can then tell the News Of The World you only have a two-inch penis.

Sadly this is all just a dream, but now the most unlikely of sources is going to offer you some sort of way of fulfilling your rock n roll dreams. Poor Missy Elliott has a problem, you see. She’s gone and recorded her new album and doesn’t know what to call it.

Miley Cyrus Ditches Her Stupid Name

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Hannah Montana, or Miley Cyrus as she's known in real life, isn't actually called Miley Cyrus – she was born with the name Destiny Hope Cyrus. But Miley Cyrus isn't called that now, either.

Sorry, that was confusing. Look – Miley Cyrus, who plays Hannah Montana in the TV show Hanna Montana, has just changed her name from Destiny Hope Cyrus to Miley Ray Cyrus because her Dad is Billy Ray Cyrus and everyone called her Miley Cyrus anyway and she liked the 'Ray' part of her Dad's name.

There, that's cleared all the confusion up.