Nadine Coyle - HecklerSpray

Sarah Harding And Boyfriend Have A Bit Of A Row (Excellent For Career Prospects)

January 5th, 2012 By hecklerspray staff

Sometimes it's hard for pop artists, isn't it? When Britney feared she was becoming irrelevant, she reached for the bottle labelled ?substep? and shaved her head, while J-Lo?s relative obscurity in recent years was remedied by a genuinely insulting and lazy attempts at songs about dancing and drinking too much.

But nothing keeps a musician relevant like an assault charge and an addiction now, does it?

Sarah Harding of Girls Aloud announced today, just after a story about her and boyfriend Theo de Vries kicking lumps out of each other came out this week, that the couple met in rehab for their respective drinking problems. Now, it's not that we're taking a pop at recovering addicts and victims of domestic abuse. Far from it. In fact, you go, girl!

Hide! Geri Halliwell Is Single Again And Wants Your Seed!

August 8th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Run! Hide! Duck for cover! Geri Halliwell’s womb is on the prowl and it demands that one of you penis owning plebs puts some swimmers up there to enable her to have a baby, which she’ll cradle and whisper sinisterly to it ’til it runs away from home aged 15.

See, Ginger Spice has split up from boyfriend Henry Beckwith because of his partying lifestyle. Beckwith wants to party like it’s 1999 and Geri wants to sit down like it’s 1957.

And because they were both stuck in different years, the ‘singer’ decided to end their two year relationship. She wants babies. He wants Babycham. It wasn’t ever going to work was it?

Apparently, If You Mix Charlotte Church With Booze, You Get To See Her Knickers Around Her Ankles

July 13th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Charlotte Church likes a drink. She’s by no means an alcoholic, but she doesn’t half like a night out on the tiles. However, sometimes, you can stick a bit too much booze away and end up making a fool of yourself.

When you’re a celebrity, it isn’t advisable that you get so drunk that you do stupid things because the caring general public are likely to whip out their phones and film you acting the goat.

And in the case of our Charlotte, she’s been allegedly filmed with her underpants around her ankles… and yes… we’ve got a grotty picture of said event.

Gavin Henson To Waft His Bits Around In Terrible UK Version Of The Bachelor

June 15th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Hello there reader. By any chance do you happen to be an egg chaser? What's that? You are! How bloody excellent, you probably fit into the 9% of the population who can name more than one rugby player who isn't Johnny Wilkinson or Gavin Henson. The only time the country cares about rugby is when the national team is about to win something and ironically the sport has better achievement rates than football.

But then again, fans of football look down on rugby lovers as they see it as inferior sport. Probably how doctors secretly mock vets for not being good enough to operate on humans.

These days, the only real household name associated with That Stupid Sport is Gavin Henson. He was once married to opera singer turned pop princess Charlotte Church. Unfortunately, the couple didn't last and soon split. So what's the best method to find a new partner? Seek the advice of friends of family? Or make a tit of yourself on a copied version of an American TV show? You can see where this is going can’t you?

Sarah Harding Realises Ridiculous Lips Are Ridiculous

May 18th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Sarah Harding has ‘finally’ admitted she has had lip fillers, in a move that has left us feeling as violently disinterested as we are unshocked. But hey, we’ve got pages to fill and mouths to feed, so on we trudge with the inevitable succession of self-consciously acerbic and needlessly vitriolic words.

Thank Christ for thesauruses, that’s all we’ll say.

If you don’t know who Ms Harding is, she’s of some time girl-band-singing-about-love-machines fame (they mean their fannies) and oft time going-out-on-the-razzle-dazzle fame (drinking shitloads of Barcardi Breezers ? the half sugar ones, obvs ? and trying not to flash aforementioned fanny at the paps), or if you prefer, she was in Girls Aloud. So, what’s this about her plump lips?

Sarah Harding Thinks She’s A Goth And Has A Dull Engagement Party

March 8th, 2011 By Joanna Bolouri

For most singers, starting off your pop career in front of creepy Louis Walsh, Geri ‘I will kill you in your sleep’ Halliwell and a mentally masturbating Pete Waterman, would be professional suicide and probably quite traumatic, but for Sarah Harding the rest of Girls Aloud it actually worked out pretty well for them.

They wore some make-up, made some not-too-terrible pop tunes and gave a generation of drooling men another reason to work their palms with an uncontrollable fervour.

Until one day they decided to concentrate on other important and exciting projects like getting divorced, making pasty make-up for pasty girls and of course falling out of nightclubs, absolutely slaughtered.

Celebrities Stalked And Hunted By Mysterious Evil-Doer, ‘The Boiler’

February 10th, 2011 By Randy Figgins

Many of today’s ‘slebs employ massive entourages of big burly security men to protect them from the outside world.? Which is, of course, filled with vicious, drooling, semi-morons who care capable of doing anything from asking for an autograph to decapitation followed by a helping of necrophilia.

And today the world becomes a much scarier place for the world’s spotlight dwellers.

hecklerspray can reveal that Charlotte Church narrowly survived an attempt on her life.? Friends of the shouty welsh mum-of-two said Church was “lucky to be alive” after the lucky escape in her ?1.3million mansion.

Geri Halliwell! Set For Death Defying Feats Of Comebackery!

December 15th, 2010 By Steve Charnock

Everyone’s sixth favourite Spice Girl, Jerry Halliwell is set for an AMAZING solo comeback. The singer, famous for her patriotically flag-based dresses and impressively jarring personality has SENSATIONALLY revealed that she’s started plans to record her FOURTH album.

Red-Head Spice, as she was known in her ‘Spice’ Girls days, plans to release the follow-up to her last compact disc Passion (which rocketed straight into the UK’s top 41 in 2005) on her own label, Labia Records.

Geri’s also rumoured to have signed up X Factor types Bellamy to the label for their debut album.

Girls Aloud Are Nothing But Whores

December 1st, 2010 By Matthew Laidlow

In Victorian times, a lady flashing just her ankles as she walked down the cobbled streets would send men and closet lesbians in to a wild frenzy. As time evolved, so did the styling of female clothing seen on a Friday or Saturday night. Off went the figure hiding gowns and flowing full length dresses. Out came hot pants, boob-tubes and not a lot else.

According to our calculations, you\’ll just need to visit Newcastle city centre in 2017 to see its inhabitants literally wearing takeaway menus to cover their bits and bobs.

So what's the problem? Those observing people who choose to reveal a lot of flesh instantly label them as whores and slags, which of course, isn’t always the case. However, the Girls Aloud PR team will be trying to rebut such slurs as an early shot of the band has been picked up by none other than a Russian escort website.

Nadine Coyle Is A Failure! hecklerspray Has Some Handy Tips For Success!

August 7th, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

Girls Aloud are love machines and they?ll make you jump for their love. After being hastily hacked together on Popstars The Rivals, they have went on to achieve all sorts. Remember the male equivalent, One True Voice? Nope, us neither, we expect them to have slithered back to their jobs as council workers or forging a career as club singers.

After looking at the failed formula for The Spice Girls, Girls Aloud was moulded in to the perfect pop band. Dominating the charts for years they've have only since broke off to forge differing fortunes.

Sarah Harding does ropey films, Kimberly seems to do bugger all, The Ginger One launched her own make-up range, Cheryl became the nation?s sweetheart and recently, Nadine Coyle decided to launch her own solo career. Has it been a success? Judging by her debut single bombing in at number 26, we?ll say no.