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MySpace Trawl – Rolo Tomassi

by Matthew Laidlow

In an almost GMTV-esque gimmick, last week we asked you to try and work out the band we have lined up for you as part of our first trawl for 2008.

With literally zero responses coming in, we assume that people didn’t want to spoil the excitement in the little comment box thing below. Because it’s a new year and all that, we don’t really have any real reason as to why we are recommending this lot this week. It’s probably more down to the fact that they make us mosh a lot. So much so that we have now broken three tables, two chairs, a microwave and burst a bottle of bleach with our antics. The hecklerspray office is in a bad state. We blame Rolo Tomassi for this.

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Pregnant 16-Year-Old Jamie Lynn Spears Single Again

by Stuart Heritage

Creepy sterile men, form an orderly queue – Jamie Lynn Spears, the newly-pregnant 16-year-old sister of Britney Spears, might very well be back on the market.

Less than 24 hours after Jamie Lynn Spears announced to the world via OK! magazine that a boy she met at church had knocked her up, it’s looking increasingly like the pregnancy has driven a wedge between her and the baby’s father Casey Aldridge. Yesterday Casey Aldridge took to his MySpace page to poetically express the profound complexity of young love torn asunder by sudden biological maturity. In other words, Casey changed his mood to ‘Blah’ and listed his status as ‘Me and Jamie are over :( ‘. It’s hard to know how Jamie Lynn Spears will react to such a poignant display of heartbreak, although experts are guessing it’ll either be :’( or depending on how heavily the hormones are kicking in.

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MySpace Trawl – Ping Pong Bitches

by Matthew Laidlow

At a time when the music scene is seemingly dominated by so called girls with ‘attitude’ like Lily Allen and Kate Nash we strongly disagree. All they seem to do is complain that their ex-boyfriends are twats and no-one takes them seriously.

What a shame, we are almost compelled to get out our violins and attempt to scratch out a tune of sorrow. The popularity of the ‘mockney’ genre is almost a joke in itself, there’s nothing mega exciting going on. The only difference is that they’re not dolled up and told to look sickly-sweet for men to perv over.

So where have all the female musicians gone? Well the older generation seems to be still knocking out bland easy-listening records, and Leona Lewis is only doing so well because of her competition win, otherwise she’d be dishing up batter on your chips on a Friday night. We want to find some women with a no-holds barred attitude and a group that oozes appeal. Having a cool band name also helps and Ping Pong Bitches prove this.

Fusing together a mix of rock, electro and hip hop, the sound generated is seriously fucking cool and will confuse the indie-scene kid as they won’t know what the hell this is. Fans of The Prodigy will have heard Ping Pong Bitches before, as they appear on a few tracks on their last album.

We aren’t really sure what genre these girls fit into, but the tracks on their MySpace page have everything from punishing rock anthems that piss over CSS’s funk-filled rhymes to the seductive kinky boots. Click, listen, enjoy.

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Ping Pong Bitches MySpace Page

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Reason #352 To Not Pay License Fee: Lily Allen Gets BBC Show

by Matthew Laidlow

Social networking is something that means totally different things to people of different ages. For example, the average adult Daily Mail reader knows that it’s just a tool to help children get stalked and molested by dangerous paedophile beasts.

For the average 14-year-old girl, it’s just a chance to post bulletins telling your friends what dead animal your cat dragged through the kitchen door. Of course, websites like Facebook and MySpace are usually used in other ways, like to add us to their profiles as friends even though we’ve never met them. And, yes sexibexi4369 if you’re reading, we do know you’re a bloke anyway. However, musicians favour social networking for gaining publicity and it’s a well-known fact that pikey pied-faced Lily Allen has been doing this for ages. But now it seems like she’s stepping out the virtual world and onto television. God help us all.

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MySpace Trawl – Roys Iron DNA

by Matthew Laidlow

If we were to do an award ceremony for bands we feature in this feature, we would definitely consider featuring Roys Iron DNA as the winner for best band name.

Sometimes it’s sad to see that a band that will use swearing in their name to gain attention. Calling yourself Shitting Robots, for example, might be funny when Zane Lowe says it on Radio 1 once, but it also automatically eliminates you from Top 40 airplay as it’s deemed to offensive. It’s a shame we weren’t in charge of the chart laws – we’d include all sorts of stuff that’s not currently allowed. Not that there’s anything offensive about this week’s band Roys Iron DNA, but we’d have them on constant heavy rotation on the radio nonetheless.

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Kylie Minogue Gets A Sort Of MySpacey Thing All About Her

by Stuart Heritage

Social networking has literally revolutionised the way you keep in touch with people you didn’t want to be friends with in the first place, but Kylie Minogue has identified one very serious design flaw.

That is, social networking is fine, but by and large people don’t talk about Kylie Minogue very much. Happily, though, Kylie Minogue has remedied this by creating a Facebook-style social network site that’s all Kylie Minogue all the time. KylieKonnect is the place where Kylie Minogue fans can register their details, keep in closer contact with Kylie than ever before and share their passion for all things Kylie with all the other Kylie fans in the world. Needless to say, KylieKonnect is probably the gayest little website the world has ever seen.

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