musical - HecklerSpray

Badvertising: Man Has Inappropriate Relationship With McDonalds Burger

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

There’s nothing better than the smell of a burger chargrilling over an open flame. That is, unless you’re vegetarian or can’t eat pork for religious reasons. Maybe you don’t like burgers. Okay, so there are several things that are- in reality- better than the smell of a burger chargrilling over an open flame but we can assure you of one thing, a fast food burger is not one of them.

It’s not for us to tell you the problems with fast food and to preach to you like grimy facsimiles of Nigel Slater would be hypocritical. We’ve all been drunk, hungry, in desperate need of an escape from the rain that we’ve been in one of the American burger giants- there’s no denying it. Find us someone who’s never been over the door and we’ll point and gawp in sheer amazement.

Hecklerspray’s ‘Masterpiece’ Albums Rival Zane Lowe’s Pompous Radio 1 List

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

Zane Lowe is an unbearably smug son of a turd and if you disagree with that statement then you’ll probably disagree with most of this article. Ever since the days when he was sitting on a badly green-screened couch, chumming up to the Foo Fighters, Lowe has maintained the air of a man whose every musical opinion is based not on a love of music, but on a love of his own opinions on music.

The Smug-Meister-General of BBC Radio 1’s musical output has a long-running tradition of forcing his opinions down the throats of his listeners by choosing a series of “Masterpiece” albums to play, in their entirety, during his show. Thankfully this only happens once a year.

However, things are different this time.

Rocky The Musical: Surely The Sound Of A Deaf School On Fire?

June 2nd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

The Rocky films are great aren’t they? They started off as a gritty fictional document of a rising boxing star, closing with a film that showed Rocky Balboa resembling a relaxed, tanned phallus that has been dipped in a particularly aggressive wasp nest.

And while you think that Rocky was out for the count (or, It Really Should’ve Thrown The Towel In At Rocky IV Because It Was Ace), you’d be massively wrong.

That’s because Rocky is climbing up the ropes again in slow motion, this time with another hugely stupid idea which sounds like the work of a satirist. Ladies and gentlemen, in the blue corner we have decency which is already weeping… and his opponent, in the red corner, Rocky: The Broadway Musical!

Justin Bieber Wants To Play A Snivelling Little Runt – World Shocked

March 22nd, 2011 By Michael Park

Canada’s shame – Justin Bieber – has spoken of his desire to play the part of Oliver Twist as they share a common heritage. In addition to this, they also share the common trait of being easily led into money that comes around all too easily as the result of singing a few dreary,? saccharine tunes that they didn’t actually write.

Young Justin Haircut’s dream to play the rags-to-riches runt can be traced back to being laughed out of Selena Gomez’s trailer after crawling towards her sighing “Please miss, I want some more.”

Unfortunately for Bieber, no-one on Earth can actually believe that he’s ever read the source material for Lionel Bart’s? “classic” Oliver! Sources close to the star who, like most newspapers, we’ve made up claim that Bieber refuses to go to sleep unless someone reads the novelisation of ‘She’s All That’ to him every night but nothing has been conclusively proven yet.

Spiderman: Turn Off The Dark Goes From Bad To Worse As Actor Crunches Bones

December 22nd, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Stan Lee must be spinning in his specially-dug-grave-for-embarrassing-situations right now. Why? Because Spiderman: Turn Off The Dark is doing its darnedest to take massive great turds all over the legacy of one of the most famous superheroes ever.

From the curtain opener that saw sets not assembled properly, actors hanging limply in the rafters and more, we now have the story that one of the stuntmen of the show nearly died after plummeting to the ground like a pig kicked from a plane with a parachute made of anvils.

And of course, this is all very funny solely because U2 are involved and as we all know, Bono is a gargantuan ball bag of impressive proportions.

Spiderman: Turn Off The Dark Starts Unintentionally Hilarious Theatre Run

November 29th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

There’s a collective will for U2 to fail at the moment. Such is Bono’s intense smuggery is that the ill-feeling toward him even extends to Spiderman, who everyone loves. Seeing as Bono and The Edge did the score for Spidey theatre production Spiderman: Turn Off The Dark, we’re all wishing it nothing but bad luck.

And hilariously, it seems to have befallen just that… and in bucket loads.

Last night’s opener of Broadway’s most expensive production ever, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark was a ripsnorting flop! That’s $65 millions worth of high-tech gadgetry fail and bad music soundtracking a utterly baffling script. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Big TV Ratings For Glee – A MUSICAL!

September 24th, 2009 By hecklerspray staff

September is the month when hopeful nobodies dream of being the next Matthew Fox or Eva Longoria.? This season there are some new faces staring down the precipice preparing for instant fame or instant coffee. ?Could the six Friends have known their fate when the pilot aired?? One of them did ? but that was later with the spin off.??

There are some key things to look out for that might help the success of a new show: A familiar face ? Worked with: Frasier. Not so much: Joey. ?A familiar crew ? Worked with: Frasier. Not so much: Joey.? An established audience ? Worked with: Frasier. Not so much: Joey. You can see where we're going here. Clearly, there is no science to what is popular and what is not.

Michael Jackson’s Thriller Musical Becomes A Nightmarish Reality

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Poor Michael Jackson – creatively spent, reportedly too ill to perform, lacking the qualifications necessary to become a kindergarten teacher.

The man is just running out of options. Apart from one – it’s been reported that Michael Jackson is putting together a big-budget Mamma Mia-style musical based on his album Thriller. The Thriller musical is thought to be based on the video to the album’s eponymous single, featuring legions of grotesque undead cadavers who terrify you witless the second you glance at them.

Goodness, we didn’t know that Michael Jackson was going to be starring in it as well.

Elton John. Ben Stiller. AIDS. Enough Said.

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Elton John has written some wonderful musicals in his time – The Lion King, Billy Elliot, that one where Ben Stiller gets AIDS.

With the first one, Elton John really conveyed the majesty of the African Pride Lands. In the second he managed to capture the frustration of living in the north of England under Margaret Thatcher beyond compare, and the final one – well, let’s just say that there has never been a more hilarious, dance-in-the-aisle musical ever written about Ben Stiller getting AIDS.

No, really. Elton John’s writing a musical about Ben Stiller getting AIDS. To be fair, it’s too early to say if the Stiller/John AIDS musical will be the funniest AIDS musical ever made – we hear that Billy Joel‘s adapting Philadelphia into a showstopping musical for Jim Carrey, and the song Bumming A Man At The Cinema is supposed to be particularly rib-tickling.

A Posh and Becks Musical Coming to a Theatre Probably Nowhere Near You!

March 24th, 2009 By hecklerspray staff

The world just can’t seem to get enough of David and Victoria Beckham.

With riveting daily appearances of the couple leaving some restaurant, and David modeling undies on banners that are so huge you can actually see his junk from space, it’s no wonder the world in obsessed with the Becks.

Luckily, Ireland has come to provide us with more Beckham madness. A Posh and Becks musical is coming to Dublin. Yes, two straight hours of a man unsuccessfully trying to feed a crouton to a broomstick is finally a reality!