The UK is a bad place to be living at the moment. Everything is going wrong from the government losing all the country's information, dodgy political donations and Morrissey getting caught up in a scrap about immigration.

At times of crisis hecklerspray turns to music, but this time we can't. We can’t get away from the X Factor at all. It’s splashed across our TV screens and advertised during ITV’s endless repeats of Midsomer Murders. Amazingly, last year's X Factor winner Leona Lewis hasn’t faded into oblivion yet. In fact, she’s been plonked on top of the charts for six weeks now, with a song that we think is about about periods. Not only is Bleeding Love the best-selling single of the year, her album is also number one. Time to celebrate? No, we’d rather just crack Simon Cowell one for brainwashing ten-year-olds everywhere into buying songs about irrational female moodswings.

Meat Loaf has been through a lot in his time - injury, drug addiction, attempted suicide, crooked manager, lawsuits, disease, bankruptcy - but in the end it looks as if it's Newcastle that's done Meat Loaf in.

It's been reported that Meat Loaf has quit music forever, and this is something he apparently decided mid-show in Newcastle on Wednesday night. Mid-song, in fact - as the opening bars to Paradise By The Dashboard Light kicked in, Meat Loaf suddenly decided that he couldn't be bothered to sing for a living any more and trudged offstage. Sure, Meat Loaf's apparent breakdown might sound a little worrying, but if he really has quit music then maybe he can start to concentrate on acting again - and who doesn't want to see more films about man-titted Meat Loaf punching people in a cellar?