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Music

Old Man Neil Young Chides New Music, Which Is Eye-Poppingly Surprising, Eh?

by Mof Gimmers

With his wrinkled, wizened face and ballbag neck, Neil Young is not a young man. In fact, he’s incredibly old. He’s always sung like he’s Methuselah, making Bob Dylan sound like a fresh-faced operatic toddler. Of course, the older you get, the more you find things bugging you. Automated phone systems, self-service tills and absolutely [...]

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Heidi Klum And Seal Split Into Great Yawning Chasm Of Nothingness

by Lady Robotnik

Just when we thought that 2012 was getting off to a rocking start, what with us discovering there was one less Kardashian in the world and all, Heidi Klum and Seal have to shit on our parade by announcing they are getting a divorce. The golden couple, who must have Hitler spinning in his grave, [...]

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Gary Glitter Is On His Computer Again, Causing Trouble And Upsetting Everyone

by Mof Gimmers

Remember when they hung Gary Glitter on Channel 4? That was nice wasn’t it? Alas, for you pitchfork wielders, it was a work of fiction and Glitter is actually alive and well and causing trouble on twitter. Apparently, the twitter account (not yet verified, so invariably a hoax) says that the disgraced glamster will be [...]

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Adele’s New Boyfriend Quite Possibly Married To Someone Else

by hecklerspray staff

The Queen of New Boring has come under attack for having the temerity to get all pelvic and grunty with a man who might not be entirely divorced from his estranged wife. As if it wasn’t enough that she can’t get through a day without a million more people buying her album, she’s had to [...]

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Rihanna Back With Chris Brown For Round 2 Of Listening To ‘Smack My Bitch Up’?

by Mof Gimmers

Guess what?! It’s nearly February 8th! What does that mean? Well, that date marks the three-year anniversary of Chris Brown punching ten shades out of his then-girlfriend Rihanna! Ain’t that grand? It really is. The whole world came together like knuckles on eye-socket on that day. And there’s more! See, despite previously being forcibly separated [...]

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Bruno Mars Cleared Of Cocaine Charges: Should’ve Got The Chair

by Mof Gimmers

There is no-one more hateful on planet Earth than Bruno Mars. Absolutely everything about him is odious to the point of a year-long continuous vomit. And yet, there’s people out there who are determined to keep him in the public eye. His songs are played, his stupid goofy expression keeps appearing on our televisions and [...]

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Andrew Lloyd Webber On The Hunt For Jesus (Still Claims To Not Be Crazy)

by Robin Darke

Not content with ruining The Wizard of Oz, Oliver! and Joseph and His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat, it looks like Professional Scrotum Impersonator and Part Time Song Word Writerer, Andrew Lloyd Webber has declared his intentions on turning heresy into an all-singing, all dancing, some crying, and probably a few catty comments, contest. Originally entitled ‘Superstar’, [...]

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Beyonce Is Looking A Bit White These Days – MLK Would Be Proud!

by hecklerspray staff

Skin’s nice, isn’t it? The biggest organ of all the other organs in your body, according to the internet (though our liver is probably jostling for that accolade), and really good for when you want to stop your other, smaller, organs from falling out and making a mess on the carpet. Its also pretty good [...]

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HecklerPlay: In Praise Of The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band

by Mof Gimmers

In honour of the birthday of Legs Larry Smith, the man who manned the drumstool in the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band, it only seems right that we should write about how brilliant Britain’s funniest band are. Comedy and music? Does it make something awful run icily through your veins? Worry not, because the Bonzos [...]

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Paris Hilton To Team Up With LMFAO To Make Ears Redundant Forever

by Mof Gimmers

How are your ears? Like having them? They’re great for holding your glasses up aren’t they? Pierced them? How nice. Alas, there’s one drawback with ears – you can hear stuff. Yep, all manner of useless dreck can creep in their and there’s nothing you can do about it. Unless you stuff the canal with [...]

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