At the heckerspray bedsit, there isn’t really a lot to look forward to. Life is, for the most part, despairingly grim. We can’t afford to eat. We can’t afford to go on strike. We can’t even manage the payments on our glue habit. It’s awful.
All we have is our dreams. Dreams are free… and really brilliant when you’ve been doing bags of glue for supper.
While our visions are nightmarish, other sleep soundly, dreaming of their heroes. People like Muse. People dream about those bozos. But for us, we dream of their disbandment. Forget the fact they’re a terrible concoction of Coldplay and Radiohead, but the unrock ‘n roll antics of the band just ain’t cool. We thought our prayers had been answered, but alas it was all a lie.
Read More >>>
Face it, there are two categories of Muse fans. The first is the casual listener who knows the bands more famous songs – “Plug Me In Baby” and “Super Big Massive Black Hole.” Both are assisted with pretentious videos that makes them even more appealing to art students who deem a decaying lump of wood as something that represents humanity through natures harsh and ever changing elements as entertainment.
Then of course, there’s the mega-intense Muse fan who’ll own everything the band’s ever done and a little bit more. By that, we mean that they’ll have acquired enough of frontman Matt Bellamy’s bellybutton fluff to create a clone of him. How sweet.
People accuse Muse of being a second rate Radiohead. But we disagree, instead they’ve got the ability of making songs sound like going to explode into a fury of passionate noise, only to be let down by limp guitar work. Muse clearly know that they’re anyone with a set of ears and want to help people be better than time. The perfect reason to go to university.
Read More >>>
There’s nothing weirder than finding people who are so obsessed with something that they’re willing to go to any length of internet-based conflict in order to defend their nonsensical beliefs. It is a trait most often seen in fans of Muse, Twilight, INXS, Queen and, quite inexplicably, Larry David. There are few things that hecklerspray writers love more than these people. The ‘whine’ of fans.
And so we come to our weekly perusal of our post, the time that- for us- is the closest we’ll ever come to having sex with Ann Widdicombe. We approach the post bag with a mixture of terror and morbid curiosity with only a modicum of sexual excitement, we reach out our shaking, clammy paws.
Find out what becomes of us over the jump…
Read More >>>
Sometimes, one can only hope that Glenn Beck is the Republican version of Jon Stewart and that it was all one big joke we didn’t latch onto in good time… but there’s that gnawing feeling that he really does believe the beserk stuff he says.
And it is his views that have seen him and his family being targeted by “hateful” crowds at a screening of The 39 Steps in New York City on Monday night.
While there, Beck & Co were caught in a “hostile situation”, and if you look at his history, it isn’t difficult to see why that will happen from time-to-time. You troll people, there’s a strong chance they’ll harangue you in return. So let us glare at him at his most weird.
Read More >>>
Everyone deserves an equal opportunity and these days we all can! Not just on a pay scale or employment wise, but for almost everything. Gone are the days when hecklerspray writer Kris Silver got funny looks for wearing ladies clothing in public. Now he is welcomed by society and not cast aside like an unwanted puppy at Christmas.
However, with bands such as Coldplay and U2, you rarely hear from anyone else who isn’t the lead singer. Chris Martin and Bono use their elevated platform to harp on about free trade and saving the world the poverty, all whilst being tax exiles.
Third rate indie rockers Muse suffer from the same syndrome and have to deal with Matt Bellamy taking all the glory. Sadly, he’s all loved up with Kate Hudson, so in a rare opportunity to speak out, members Dominic Howard and Chris Wolstenhome have spoken of their desire to move the band into a soft rock direction. Rock and roll mightn’t be the word.
Read More >>>
Mass hysteria often follows bands around, and we’re sure that Muse are no different. After playing in shopping centres around the world, they must be getting annoyed by autograph requests from cleaners and security guards. And Glenn Beck.
This comes despite the fact they have never really come up with any genre defying ideas of their own. Muse will always stand in the shadow of peers such as Radiohead and Justin Bieber who have gained audiences with their radical musical thinking.
At best, Muse are nothing but a lukewarm version of Snow Patrol. They try really hard to impress, but inevitably end up failing. Like a fat kid attempting to go on a diet. Bands images are often moulded by their record company and we’re now pretty much convinced that Muse have been shifted from rock Gods, all the way to weak and dreary pop act all thanks to front man Matt Bellamy announcing his engagement to Kate Hudson.
Read More >>>
Glenn Beck – the GG Allin of television* – isn’t likely to see his contract renewed by Fox. Imagine that for a second. Someone in the world who is deemed too nutso even for Rupert Murdoch. Staggering stuff.
So what can Glenn Beck do now? Have a cry about it? Roll around on the floor, masturbating into an American flag?
He might! And he might film it too! That’s because Glenn Beck is to take his brand of bug-eyed, frenzied gibberish onto his own network! If you can’t beat ‘em, eat ‘em! And we can only imagine the horrors that will unfold on GBTV.
Read More >>>
Festivals are ace, aren’t they? They’re like proper gigs, but you have to spend a weekend in a smelly tent and buy beer for £4 a can from a crusty trust fund hippy in order to see your favourite band perform their popular hits from half a mile away while you hold in eight pints of urine because you don’t want to go to the horrible, horrible toilets.
Anyway, Leeds/Reading have had their lineups ‘leaked’ to the press, which has had the unfortunate side effect of making it ‘news’.
So yay! We can find out which bands we’re going to see as unremarkable dots in the distance this year. Would it surprise you to note that most of them are awful? No? In that case, read on.
Read More >>>
