Muse - HecklerSpray

NME Awards 2012 Results In; Carl Barat Turns Up, Must Have Found The Key To Get Out Of His Corrugated Shed

March 1st, 2012 By Sophie Hall

Oh, it would be so easy wouldn’t it? Yes. It would be so incredibly, irrefutably, painstakingly easy to take the mick out of the NME awards. Ha! The NME award?clientele! With their cliques, and their Match.com?courtesans, and their Tarantino box-sets, and their hemp, and their vaginal weights, and their history of rubbing thighs to the sound of Emma Watson’s name, and their colon tubes, and their fear of dying, and their moustaches and their Fairtrade Chocolate and their…

Yes, it would be so easy to take the mick out of the NME awards. So very, very easy. Oh, we’re so self riotous because we figured out that The Vaccines weren’t very good, and a couple of thin people with careers and Class B drugs didn’t.

Oh we’re so mercilessly coy in our fixed, irreverent ways – god, why don’t we just get on our high, sarcastic, horses (Yes! Of course like that one Rebecca Brooks has! Ha! Yes! We have our fingers in many many caustic pies!) and take the mick out of the incredibly easy targets that are the NME awards and not exceed ANYBODY’s expectations, shall we?

Muse Split Rumours Were Just An Unfortunate Hoax

November 30th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

At the heckerspray bedsit, there isn't really a lot to look forward to. Life is, for the most part, despairingly grim. We can’t afford to eat. We can’t afford to go on strike. We can’t even manage the payments on our glue habit. It’s awful.

All we have is our dreams. Dreams are free… and really brilliant when you’ve been doing bags of glue for supper.

While our visions are nightmarish, other sleep soundly, dreaming of their heroes. People like Muse. People dream about those bozos. But for us, we dream of their disbandment. Forget the fact they're a terrible concoction of Coldplay and Radiohead, but the unrock ?n roll antics of the band just ain't cool. We thought our prayers had been answered, but alas it was all a lie.

Muse Donate Instruments To Plymouth University So Students Can Make Better Music Than Them

October 20th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Face it, there are two categories of Muse fans. The first is the casual listener who knows the bands more famous songs – “Plug Me In Baby” and “Super Big Massive Black Hole.” Both are assisted with pretentious videos that makes them even more appealing to art students who deem a decaying lump of wood as something that represents humanity through natures harsh and ever changing elements as entertainment.

Then of course, there’s the mega-intense Muse fan who’ll own everything the band’s ever done and a little bit more. By that, we mean that they’ll have acquired enough of frontman Matt Bellamy’s bellybutton fluff to create a clone of him. How sweet.

People accuse Muse of being a second rate Radiohead. But we disagree, instead they’ve got the ability of making songs sound like going to explode into a fury of passionate noise, only to be let down by limp guitar work. Muse clearly know that they’re anyone with a set of ears and want to help people be better than time. The perfect reason to go to university.

Readers’ Letters – Some Scripture For Bill Murray [Video]

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

There’s nothing weirder than finding people who are so obsessed with something that they’re willing to go to any length of internet-based conflict in order to defend their nonsensical beliefs. It is a trait most often seen in fans of Muse, Twilight, INXS, Queen and, quite inexplicably, Larry David. There are few things that hecklerspray writers love more than these people. The ‘whine’ of fans.

And so we come to our weekly perusal of our post, the time that- for us- is the closest we’ll ever come to having sex with Ann Widdicombe. We approach the post bag with a mixture of terror and morbid curiosity with only a modicum of sexual excitement, we reach out our shaking, clammy paws.

Find out what becomes of us over the jump…

We Look At The Reasons Why Glenn Beck Got Attacked By The People Of New York In A Park

June 30th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Sometimes, one can only hope that Glenn Beck is the Republican version of Jon Stewart and that it was all one big joke we didn’t latch onto in good time… but there’s that gnawing feeling that he really does believe the beserk stuff he says.

And it is his views that have seen him and his family being targeted by “hateful” crowds at a screening of The 39 Steps in New York City on Monday night.

While there, Beck & Co were caught in a “hostile situation”, and if you look at his history, it isn’t difficult to see why that will happen from time-to-time. You troll people, there’s a strong chance they’ll harangue you in return. So let us glare at him at his most weird.

Muse Working On A Soppy Soft Rock Album

May 24th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Everyone deserves an equal opportunity and these days we all can! Not just on a pay scale or employment wise, but for almost everything. Gone are the days when hecklerspray writer Kris Silver got funny looks for wearing ladies clothing in public. Now he is welcomed by society and not cast aside like an unwanted puppy at Christmas.

However, with bands such as Coldplay and U2, you rarely hear from anyone else who isn't the lead singer. Chris Martin and Bono use their elevated platform to harp on about free trade and saving the world the poverty, all whilst being tax exiles.

Third rate indie rockers Muse suffer from the same syndrome and have to deal with Matt Bellamy taking all the glory. Sadly, he's all loved up with Kate Hudson, so in a rare opportunity to speak out, members Dominic Howard and Chris Wolstenhome have spoken of their desire to move the band into a soft rock direction. Rock and roll mightn?t be the word.

Muses Matt Bellamy Gets Engaged, Destined To Become A Fully Blown Girls Blouse

April 28th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Mass hysteria often follows bands around, and we're sure that Muse are no different. After playing in shopping centres around the world, they must be getting annoyed by autograph requests from cleaners and security guards. And Glenn Beck.

This comes despite the fact they have never really come up with any genre defying ideas of their own. Muse will always stand in the shadow of peers such as Radiohead and Justin Bieber who have gained audiences with their radical musical thinking.

At best, Muse are nothing but a lukewarm version of Snow Patrol. They try really hard to impress, but inevitably end up failing. Like a fat kid attempting to go on a diet. Bands images are often moulded by their record company and we're now pretty much convinced that Muse have been shifted from rock Gods, all the way to weak and dreary pop act all thanks to front man Matt Bellamy announcing his engagement to Kate Hudson.

Oh Jesus Christ No! Glenn Beck To Get His Own TV Channel!

March 24th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Glenn Beck – the GG Allin of television* – isn’t likely to see his contract renewed by Fox. Imagine that for a second. Someone in the world who is deemed too nutso even for Rupert Murdoch. Staggering stuff.

So what can Glenn Beck do now? Have a cry about it? Roll around on the floor, masturbating into an American flag?

He might! And he might film it too! That’s because Glenn Beck is to take his brand of bug-eyed, frenzied gibberish onto his own network! If you can’t beat ’em, eat ’em! And we can only imagine the horrors that will unfold on GBTV.

Reading And Leeds Lineups Leaked – The Horror, The Horror!

March 22nd, 2011 By Ralph Sanders

Festivals are ace, aren't they? They?re like proper gigs, but you have to spend a weekend in a smelly tent and buy beer for ?4 a can from a crusty trust fund hippy in order to see your favourite band perform their popular hits from half a mile away while you hold in eight pints of urine because you don't want to go to the horrible, horrible toilets.

Anyway, Leeds/Reading have had their lineups ?leaked? to the press, which has had the unfortunate side effect of making it ?news?.

So yay! We can find out which bands we're going to see as unremarkable dots in the distance this year. Would it surprise you to note that most of them are awful? No? In that case, read on.

Muse Get Beaten By Susan Boyle In International Sales, The Failures

February 24th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

From the bulging mailbags and comments we receive, it appears the three blokes and Matt Bellamy who make up Muse are the greatest band in the world.

In terms that even a simpleton could understand, Muse are like the Jesus H. Christ of music. Everything they belt out is phenomenal and lapped up by their disciples, otherwise known as their super massive nutter of followers.

Even though the group have don't do anything particularly exciting, they still have a dedicated bunch of fans willing to testify that a recording of Matt Bellamy crying is audio gold. Fair play if you'd be willing to fork out ?50 for a 7? copy of it, but when it comes to physical sales, the Cornish band aren't leading the way in sales. They?ve only been beaten by someone that Muse fans would consider unrock n? roll, Susan Boyle.