Posts tagged as:

murder

Michael Jackson’s Deathbed, No Longer For Sale, Spoiling All Your Masturbatory Needs

by Mof Gimmers

Deathbed for sale. What a peculiar notion. That said, it has a lovely ring to it. It almost sounds like an Agatha Christie thriller. Either way, Michael Jackson’s deathbed was up for auction so that his mental fans could buy it and have sex with themselves in it. That’s because they’re hugely lonely and there’s [...]

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Even Michael Jackson’s Ghost Can’t Catch A Break When It Comes To Employing People (MJ Tribute Goes Bust!)

by Mof Gimmers

Remember Michael Jackson’s amazing tribute event in Cardiff where people bought overpriced tickets to watch Alien Ant Farm, 3T, JLS and LaToya Jackson (aka Michael’s animated corpse) prance around on MJ’s grave? Of course, most of the Jackson family thought the tribute was in terrible taste, what with it taking place in the middle of [...]

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Eastenders Spoilers! Dying! Leaving! Returning!

by Joanna Bolouri

It’s spoiler time again people, which will either ruin your week and send you into a murderous rage or you’ll thank us very sweetly like the hideous Munchkins that you are. Either is fine with us. This week, there’s so much going on in Eastenders that we’ve decided to say “BALLS!” to the other soaps [...]

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David Gest Makes Michael Jackson Film (Will Anyone Mention Plastic Surgery?)

by Mof Gimmers

Ever looked at David Gest and wondered if he keeps his face in position with a large bulldog clip like Kent Brockman from The Simpsons? If so, when he takes it off, does his head look like a hot scrotum? Either way, Gest seems like a decent enough bloke for someone who has been ravaged [...]

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Soap Spoilers: 17 Mojitos, Fake DNA And A Threesome

by Joanna Bolouri

It’s time to visit Soapland again as we know this is the only thing that makes your miserable existence bearable. We even caught Matthew Laidlow trying to bribe fellow writer Joanna Bolouri with cake and even violence in the hope she’d reveal the whereabouts of David Essex since his departure. He’s still recovering in hospital as she takes Soaps [...]

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Soap Spoilers: Eastenders Special!!

by Joanna Bolouri

This week we’re dedicating the entire spoilers section to Eastenders! Why? We have no idea but there’s so much going on we literally wet our pants writing this. First up on Albert Square, the next story line destined to drag out for at least 17 years continues with Amira using her daughter Yasmin to manipulate ex [...]

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Michael Jackson Jokes Banned On Janet Jackson’s Tour, Freedom Of Speech In Turmoil

by Matthew Laidlow

Towards the end of his dog-eared career, Michael Jackson began to resemble an eerie looking clown who’s wax face was tarnishing in a mild midday heat. See, we can say that because that’s our opinion. But if you go to a concert by not-so-important Jackson sibling Janet, that right will be taken from you. Due [...]

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Soap Spoilers! Children! Sewing Machines! Sexy Time!

by Joanna Bolouri

Despite spending most of the week choosing fancy pants to wear to the Cosmo Blog Awards, fighting over who gets to shave that evening with the communal razor and  getting really, really drunk with happiness, we’ve still had time to hold Soap writers hostage in our bedsit and demand they tell us what’s happening in [...]

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Michael Jackson Fans Now Thoroughly Bored Of Conrad Murray Trial

by Mof Gimmers

The trial of Michael Jackson’s personal physician – ‘Sexy’ Dr Conrad Murray – will enter a new phase this week: The thoroughly tedious, no-one cares anymore phase. There are rumours which suggest that even Jackson’s own family are beyond caring. The doctor’s attorneys trying to counter three weeks of testimony, attempting to show that Jacko [...]

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Michael Jackson: “A Bit Of An Alien”

by Mof Gimmers

Michael Jackson looked funny. It doesn’t matter if you love his music or happen to be a blinkered, crazed fan – there’s no hiding from the fact that his face was downright odd. So odd, it could curdle water. Ever seen anyone else with a nose like his? No. La Toya Jackson does not count [...]

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