Mum - HecklerSpray

Usher Re-Hires His Mum, Which is an Odd Thing to Have to Say

March 24th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

Usher really must have thought he had it all going for him.

He had a multi multi multi million selling album, a wife (eventually, a few times), a child with his name and some hats. Things were looking rosy for the dancing pop prat.

Then he brought out a new album, ‘Here I Stand’, and – compared to his last one, ‘Confessions’, at least – it flopped something rotten. While still selling just under a million copies to date, this is considered a failure by both Usher and, more likely, his record label.

So what’s the solution when you’re known around the world, popular, good looking and – apparently – talented?

Why – sack your management and go running to your mum. Obviously. Which is exactly what Raymond has gone and done, re-employing the mother he sacked just over a year ago as a part of his throwing his toys out of the pram reaction to not selling enough records.

Aww, bless him.

Kerry Katona Definitely Not A Prostitute, OK?

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Kerry Katona might whore herself out for reality TV shows and adverts for frozen prawn rings, but never for sex with men – and now that’s super-official!

Yesterday Kerry Katona won five-figure damages from The Sunday Mirror after it claimed that her mother was about to write a book claiming that Kerry was a massive prostitute before she became famous. Which obviously isn’t true for a number of reasons.

Firstly, anyone who’d consider buying a book by Kerry Katona’s mum about how Kerry Katona was a hooker is obviously stupid to the point of illiteracy, which tends not to be a good demographic to market books to. Secondly, and most importantly, Kerry Katona can’t have been a prostitute because most men would rather attack their own genitals with a claw-hammer than pay Kerry Katona cash to touch them with her hands or mouth.

Robbie Williams Might Rejoin Take That: His Mum

March 31st, 2009 By hecklerspray staff

After constantly denying any interest in rejoining his nemeses in Take That, it looks like Robbie Williams now may return to the group.

Robbie's biggest fan is his mum, and she spoke to the illustrious Stoke Sentinel about Robbie's Take That return. She's probably a more reliable source of information than Robbie Williams, too, because we've always got the feeling he'd say he went down on a horse if it gave him an ounce of extra publicity.