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MTV

Britney Spears Hooks up With Russell Brand. Oh, and an Elephant.

by Ian Dransfield

What better way for Britney Spears to take a huge step towards getting everything back on track than to hook up with Russell Brand? There are many, many better ways. Surely. Hooking up with that mad-haired berk isn’t going to help her claw back the piles and piles of sanity the girl seems to have [...]

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Miley Cyrus and Katy Perry to Avoid Frankly Weird TV Kiss, Fortunately

by Ian Dransfield

There’s some damn weird logic working in this world. If a 23-year-old male singer were to say that they wanted to kiss a 15-year-old pop sensation on Sunday, they would rightly be chastised. Probably shot or lynched too. Or just looked down on a lot. They’d probably write a book about their experiences a few [...]

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Britney Spears Never Learns, Vol 14: A Return To The VMAs

by Stuart Heritage

Last year’s MTV VMAs marked the precise moment when Britney Spears’ life went from ‘amusingly wonky’ to ‘toe-curling and nightmarish’.

People still talk about Britney’s VMA performance of Gimme More with the glazed tremble of a war survivor. The bikini, the drawn-on stomach, the stumbling, the dire miming – as well as effectively ending Britney Spears’ career for good it also caused up to 300 unwitting viewers to completely lose their eyesight.

Clearly, then, Britney Spears would be stupid to ever return to the MTV VMAs. Worse than stupid, in fact – Britney Spears would be showing such a profound lack of self-awareness that she should be encased in ice and sent around schools as a warning to future generations of the negative effects of celebrity.

So what might Britney Spears do at this year’s MTV VMAs? That’s right. Oh, don’t look so surprised.

Last year's MTV VMAs marked the precise moment when Britney Spears' life went from 'amusingly wonky' to 'toe-curling and nightmarish'. People still talk about Britney's VMA performance of Gimme More with the glazed tremble of a war survivor. The bikini, the drawn-on stomach, the stumbling, the dire miming - as well as effectively ending Britney Spears' career for good it also caused up to 300 unwitting viewers to completely lose their eyesight. Clearly, then, Britney Spears would be stupid to ever return to the MTV VMAs. Worse than stupid, in fact - Britney Spears would be showing such a profound lack of self-awareness that she should be encased in ice and sent around schools as a warning to future generations of the negative effects of celebrity. So what might Britney Spears do at this year's MTV VMAs? That's right. Oh, don't look so surprised.
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Calum Best Given TV Show To Stop Him Fondling Himself

by Matthew Laidlow

Remember when MTV used to be remotely hip, cutting edge and worth watching? The very same days when it used to play the occasional music video as well. Times have now changed and seemingly anyone that’s been in the papers is getting their own show on the once-credible network. In the past, viewers have had [...]

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Tila Tequila Changes The World Using MTV

by Ian Dransfield

It must be great being this ‘Tila Tequila’ thing, even if we’re still not really sure who or what it really is. For one you get a dating show on MTV all about how you’re wacky and bisexual – what ker-azyness – and then you get to tell the world you’ve single-handedly changed it, giving [...]

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Paris Hilton Isn’t Pregnant. Jurassic Park!

by Paul Sorrenti

It’s a scary time to be alive. Every where you look there are people dying, mothers crying, politicians lying and girlfriends prying.

We are told that global warming is going to drown us, or that international terrorism is going to blow us up, or that Paris Hilton is going to have a baby – It’s all too much. The human body hasn’t evolved the capacity to deal with such misery, and so it seems that mass suicide is the only reasonable option.

But wait! Put down your nooses, brothers and sisters! Kick off those high heels, rip off those fish-nets and spit that orange to the floor, because it would appear that Paris Hilton aint pregnant after all!

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Paris Hilton And The 85,000 Horseman Of The Apocalypse

by Paul Sorrenti

It was written that this day would come.

The Egyptian Sun God Horus; who was naturally begat by Jesus Christ; who was echoed by Nostradamus, and then, most poignantly of all, by Travis Bickle; all spake of a day when the worth of the people of the world would reach such a trough that our almighty lord God would be left with no alternative but to unleash a mighty rain to wash the scum off the streets.

And that day is nigh, our brothers, for 85000 people have volunteered to become Paris Hilton’s new best friend.

You can waste your time watching as many Al Gore documentaries as you like, but believe hecklerspray when we tell you that global warming is nothing but a 5* Hotel-funded conspiracy.

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Paris Hilton’s MTV Reality Show To Be Axed?

by Paul Sorrenti

Paris Hilton Reality Show To Be Axed?Paris Hilton’s new MTV reality show ‘Paris Hilton’s My New BFF’ (best friend forever) is in danger of being axed as casting directors are becoming aware that nobody really gives a shit.

This is no doubt somewhat to do with hecklerspray’s article from last week, which confirmed to the masses that anyone who wants to compete to become Paris Hilton’s new BFF is a gargantuan retard.

According to Trans World News, an insider said:

There were less than 40 people there.

This isn’t much, but is still enough to fill a modest size room and create a scene not too dissimilar from the one’s found in videos of Hitler’s inbreeding experiments, which – it should be remembered – also failed spectacularly. But who knows, maybe MTV is better organized these days than the Nazi’s were? They’ve certainly got more power.

Paris Hilton Reality Show To Be Axed?Paris Hilton’s new MTV reality show 'Paris Hilton’s My New BFF' (best friend forever) is in danger of being axed as casting directors are becoming aware that nobody really gives a shit. This is no doubt somewhat to do with hecklerspray’s article from last week, which confirmed to the masses that anyone who wants to compete to become Paris Hilton’s new BFF is a gargantuan retard. According to Trans World News, an insider said: There were less than 40 people there. This isn’t much, but is still enough to fill a modest size room and create a scene not too dissimilar from the one’s found in videos of Hitler’s inbreeding experiments, which – it should be remembered – also failed spectacularly. But who knows, maybe MTV is better organized these days than the Nazi’s were? They’ve certainly got more power.
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Peaches Geldof’s Reality TV Show: Hecklerspray’s Near-Miss

by Matthew Laidlow

Hecklerspray’s Matthew Laidlow recently applied for a job at a magazine, not knowing that it was to be edited by Peaches Geldof as part of an MTV reality TV show. Here’s his account of what happened…

Firstly, let’s be clear – nobody told me that I was going going for a job on a reality TV show or that Peaches Geldof was going to be the editor. Both these factors would have put me off straight away.

So here is my story of how I almost worked with the stupidly named celebrity wannabe Peaches Geldof.

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Paris Hilton Doesn’t Want To See Her New Best Friend

by Paul Sorrenti

Paris Hilton Doesn’t Want To See Her New Best FriendEveryone’s favourite spoilt slag, Paris Hilton, is refusing to meet the candidates who are competing to become her BFF (best friend forever).

Instead the candidates will first have to pass an interview with two of the casting directors of MTV reality show ‘Paris Hilton’s My New BFF’.

According to the Metro, the premise of the show is this: ‘hot bitches’ and ‘fabulously fierce guys’ – or ‘girls’ and ‘gay fellas’ as they were once known – battle it out to become Paris Hilton’s new best friend forever.

Forever!

More…

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