Articles tagged with: MTV
Kerry Katona: Officially Poorer Than You!
Big questions have been asked by us humans - over thousands of years, we’ve all wondered “where do we come from?†“what is the meaning of life?†and “where is the bloody remote control?†Another mind bending puzzle is the one set by Iceland – not the country, but the supermarket. They ask us “why do mums go to Iceland?†Let us tell you now Mr Iceland: it’s not to see your bloody spokesperson Kerry Katona. Famous for winning a show made up of people who aren’t that famous, Kerry has clung on to that little bit of former glory and pumped out every bit of success juice. From said supermarket deals to shambolic TV shows, she’s still snapping at the heels of publicity. Always known for bad news and never anything positive, she’s back again to inform us that she has crashed and burned. Kerry has no money left to spend on curries, drugs or prawn rings after being declared bankrupt.
Big questions have been asked by us humans - over thousands of years, we’ve all wondered “where do we come from?†“what is the meaning of life?†and “where is the bloody remote control?†Another mind bending puzzle is the one set by Iceland – not the country, but the supermarket. They ask us “why do mums go to Iceland?†Let us tell you now Mr Iceland: it’s not to see your bloody spokesperson Kerry Katona. Famous for winning a show made up of people who aren’t that famous, Kerry has clung on to that little bit of former glory and pumped out every bit of success juice. From said supermarket deals to shambolic TV shows, she’s still snapping at the heels of publicity. Always known for bad news and never anything positive, she’s back again to inform us that she has crashed and burned. Kerry has no money left to spend on curries, drugs or prawn rings after being declared bankrupt.
Britney Spears Never Learns Vol. 15: A Return to Reality TV
Why can't Britney Spears just decide whether or not she's actually getting better? There's no punchline to that, by the way, it's just a question. Maybe it's because of her ridiculous legal fees, or maybe it has any other real reason behind it, but Britney Spears is reportedly in talks for another reality show for MTV. While we're not so cynical as to deny there may be genuine reasons for the show, we are cynical enough to expect this to be one of the worst decisions she has ever made. Reality shows aren't exactly the fast-track to normality that Britney seems to think they are, and her reasons of 'to get me mah kids back' isn't exactly the finest of reasons to put yourself on worldwide public display. While you're recovering from a mental breakdown. While your dad has to look after you. While you're trying desperately not to humiliate yourself publicly again. Someone have a word with the girl, please.
Why can't Britney Spears just decide whether or not she's actually getting better? There's no punchline to that, by the way, it's just a question. Maybe it's because of her ridiculous legal fees, or maybe it has any other real reason behind it, but Britney Spears is reportedly in talks for another reality show for MTV. While we're not so cynical as to deny there may be genuine reasons for the show, we are cynical enough to expect this to be one of the worst decisions she has ever made. Reality shows aren't exactly the fast-track to normality that Britney seems to think they are, and her reasons of 'to get me mah kids back' isn't exactly the finest of reasons to put yourself on worldwide public display. While you're recovering from a mental breakdown. While your dad has to look after you. While you're trying desperately not to humiliate yourself publicly again. Someone have a word with the girl, please.
Britney Spears Hooks up With Russell Brand. Oh, and an Elephant.
What better way for Britney Spears to take a huge step towards getting everything back on track than to hook up with Russell Brand? There are many, many better ways. Surely. Hooking up with that mad-haired berk isn't going to help her claw back the piles and piles of sanity the girl seems to have lost over the last couple of years. Let's be totally honest - it's going to damage her more than she already is, and that's before she's even spoken to the man who dresses like a particularly stupid pirate. But hecklerspray didn't get in fast enough with our warnings, leaving poor old crazy Britney Spears free to appear alongside Russell Brand in some MTV promotional adverts for the upcoming Video Music Awards. It still isn't confirmed if Britters herself will be in attendance at the awards as she hasn't got permission off her dad yet, but hopefully the blow to her psyche that surely occurred when she met the TV and radio 'funny' man will have been too much, forcing her to stay at home on the night. The other option doesn't even bear thinking about, frankly.
What better way for Britney Spears to take a huge step towards getting everything back on track than to hook up with Russell Brand? There are many, many better ways. Surely. Hooking up with that mad-haired berk isn't going to help her claw back the piles and piles of sanity the girl seems to have lost over the last couple of years. Let's be totally honest - it's going to damage her more than she already is, and that's before she's even spoken to the man who dresses like a particularly stupid pirate. But hecklerspray didn't get in fast enough with our warnings, leaving poor old crazy Britney Spears free to appear alongside Russell Brand in some MTV promotional adverts for the upcoming Video Music Awards. It still isn't confirmed if Britters herself will be in attendance at the awards as she hasn't got permission off her dad yet, but hopefully the blow to her psyche that surely occurred when she met the TV and radio 'funny' man will have been too much, forcing her to stay at home on the night. The other option doesn't even bear thinking about, frankly.
Miley Cyrus and Katy Perry to Avoid Frankly Weird TV Kiss, Fortunately
There's some damn weird logic working in this world. If a 23-year-old male singer were to say that they wanted to kiss a 15-year-old pop sensation on Sunday, they would rightly be chastised. Probably shot or lynched too. Or just looked down on a lot. They'd probably write a book about their experiences a few years down the line, when the dust had settled. But when it's a 23-year-old female singer saying they want to play tonsil hockey with a child this Sunday then it's just laughed off... Hang on - what? That's not funny. That's just dodgy.
There's some damn weird logic working in this world. If a 23-year-old male singer were to say that they wanted to kiss a 15-year-old pop sensation on Sunday, they would rightly be chastised. Probably shot or lynched too. Or just looked down on a lot. They'd probably write a book about their experiences a few years down the line, when the dust had settled. But when it's a 23-year-old female singer saying they want to play tonsil hockey with a child this Sunday then it's just laughed off... Hang on - what? That's not funny. That's just dodgy.
Britney Spears Never Learns, Vol 14: A Return To The VMAs
Last year's MTV VMAs marked the precise moment when Britney Spears' life went from 'amusingly wonky' to 'toe-curling and nightmarish'. People still talk about Britney's VMA performance of Gimme More with the glazed tremble of a war survivor. The bikini, the drawn-on stomach, the stumbling, the dire miming - as well as effectively ending Britney Spears' career for good it also caused up to 300 unwitting viewers to completely lose their eyesight. Clearly, then, Britney Spears would be stupid to ever return to the MTV VMAs. Worse than stupid, in fact - Britney Spears would be showing such a profound lack of self-awareness that she should be encased in ice and sent around schools as a warning to future generations of the negative effects of celebrity. So what might Britney Spears do at this year's MTV VMAs? That's right. Oh, don't look so surprised.
Last year's MTV VMAs marked the precise moment when Britney Spears' life went from 'amusingly wonky' to 'toe-curling and nightmarish'. People still talk about Britney's VMA performance of Gimme More with the glazed tremble of a war survivor. The bikini, the drawn-on stomach, the stumbling, the dire miming - as well as effectively ending Britney Spears' career for good it also caused up to 300 unwitting viewers to completely lose their eyesight. Clearly, then, Britney Spears would be stupid to ever return to the MTV VMAs. Worse than stupid, in fact - Britney Spears would be showing such a profound lack of self-awareness that she should be encased in ice and sent around schools as a warning to future generations of the negative effects of celebrity. So what might Britney Spears do at this year's MTV VMAs? That's right. Oh, don't look so surprised.
Calum Best Given TV Show To Stop Him Fondling Himself
Remember when MTV used to be remotely hip, cutting edge and worth watching?
The very same days when it used to play the occasional music video as well. Times have now changed and seemingly anyone that’s been in the papers is getting their own show on the once-credible network.
In the past, viewers have had to endure washed up pop star Lisa Scott Lee and her crap attempt at trying to get a song into the charts. Even the human car crash that is Kerry Katona has given us a warts-and-all show, literally, to give an insight into the life of a fame-hungry, media-seeking bint, who also happens to be another failed musician. If you can call her that. And lest we forget Tila Tequila, social crusader.
He may not be a singer of any kind, but Calum Best has pointlessly been baptised into the celebrity world. His dad was a footballer, you know. And a chap with a passion for alcohol, so much so it broke his liver. So, simply because he came from Best Snr's semen, young Calum automatically becomes famous... ?
Tila Tequila Changes The World Using MTV
It must be great being this 'Tila Tequila' thing, even if we're still not really sure who or what it really is. For one you get a dating show on MTV all about how you're wacky and bisexual - what ker-azyness - and then you get to tell the world you've single-handedly changed it, giving gay couples the rights they deserve. It's an audacious claim, that's for sure.
It must be great being this 'Tila Tequila' thing, even if we're still not really sure who or what it really is. For one you get a dating show on MTV all about how you're wacky and bisexual - what ker-azyness - and then you get to tell the world you've single-handedly changed it, giving gay couples the rights they deserve. It's an audacious claim, that's for sure.
Paris Hilton Isn’t Pregnant. Jurassic Park!
It’s a scary time to be alive. Everywhere you look there are people dying, mothers crying, politicians lying and girlfriends prying. We are told global warming is going to drown us, terrorists are going to blow us up and Paris Hilton is going to have a baby - it’s all too much. The human body hasn’t evolved the capacity to deal with such misery, and so it seems that mass suicide is the only reasonable option. But wait! Put down your nooses, brothers and sisters! Kick off those high heels, rip off those fish nets and spit that orange to the floor, because it would appear that Paris Hilton aint pregnant after all!
It’s a scary time to be alive. Everywhere you look there are people dying, mothers crying, politicians lying and girlfriends prying. We are told global warming is going to drown us, terrorists are going to blow us up and Paris Hilton is going to have a baby - it’s all too much. The human body hasn’t evolved the capacity to deal with such misery, and so it seems that mass suicide is the only reasonable option. But wait! Put down your nooses, brothers and sisters! Kick off those high heels, rip off those fish nets and spit that orange to the floor, because it would appear that Paris Hilton aint pregnant after all!
