Remember when MTV almost fooled us all into thinking it was genuinely cool? The station broke music acts and rode the tide of teenage taste, helping Nirvana to become global superstars and giving European kids their scant taste of hip-hop with Yo! MTV Raps!
And then it stopped bothering with the music and made stars from more unabashed simpletons in a series of cod-reality shows, leaving its musical output at little more than the whistling jingle from McDonald’s commercials.
Basically, it went from pleasingly trashy to outright ugly. And you only have to look at the cynical teenspeak of the categories for the MTV Movie Awards to see why. Instead of being a viable alternative to stuffy film academies, they’re not braying marketeers, pushing things like ‘Best Scared-As-Sh*t Performance’ and ‘Biggest Badass Star’. And Justin Bieber managed to bag the coveting gong of, wait for it, ‘Best Jaw-Dropping Moment’.
Read More >>>
See, Jesse James? See? You’re not the only one who parade around like a gigantic strumpet.
Your estranged wife Sandra Bullock is just as capable. In fact, she’s even better at it than you are. Why? Because you only managed to hook up with a Nazi fetishist who was covered in so many tattoos that she looked like she’d fallen asleep under a pile of damp newspapers. But Sandra Bullock? She just kissed Scarlett Johansson. On the lips. On television. Really briefly.
The Sandra Bullock/ Scarlett Johansson kiss happened at the MTV Movie Awards, and it was largely the sexiest thing to happen all night. But, hey, when hasn’t the sight of a 45-year-old woman kissing a 25-year-old woman to make up for her husband’s multiple heartbreaking infidelities been sexy? No? Just us?
Read More >>>
Granted, this isn’t the biggest or best celebrity story you’re ever going to see, but who cares when it features Megan Fox and has that headline?
It can’t come as any major surprise to the ‘star’ of such ‘entertainment’ ‘classics’ as Transformers that she’s been slagged off by some in the media once more – this time for her wonderful haircut being sported at the MTV Movie Awards. After all, she is the proud owner of some of the worst tattoos ever committed to the flesh of a ‘talented’ actress.
Sorry: ‘actress’.
Read More >>>
The MTV Movie Awards are fertile ground for hecklerspray-baiting tosh to do the rounds, though sometimes it is a bit like shooting fish in a barrel. From extreme close range. With a bazooka.
Nevertheless, the tween ceremony which has produced an average of one genuine laugh per every three years – not a bad statistic – has a new notch on the bedpost where they can proudly boast ‘we made a website that doesn’t like Robert Pattison laugh. A bit’.
Why? Well: Sacha Baron Cohen‘s gay Austrian fashion journalist creation, Bruno, landed half-naked in the lap of Marshall Mathers‘ gay-disliking American irritant/rapper, Eminem.
That’s a lot of bold.
Read More >>>
We now bring you the biggest news of this, or perhaps any, century. There. Is. A. New. Moon. Trailer. THERE IS A NEW MOON TRAILER!
Perhaps you didn’t understand us. There’s a New Moon trailer and it’s on the internet and we’ve got it here! It’s literally everything we wanted it to be, because Robert Pattinson‘s in it and he looks dreamy and a man changes into a wolf and we want to marry it FOREVER.
We’re exaggerating. But the New Moon trailer is everything we wanted it to be. It’s quite short. That’s all we wanted it to be.
Read More >>>
14-year-old girls, this is an advance warning. Starting now, you need to drink as much fluid as you absolutely can.
Because on May 31, you’ll be called upon to unleash the greatest involuntary urination of your already impressively urine-heavy lives. Why? Because on May 31 a brand-new, previously-unseen clip of New Moon will be shown at the MTV Awards.
Worse still, the New Moon clip is going to be introduced by Robert Pattinson, which seems like overkill. After all, Robert Pattinson OR New Moon equals gross involuntary urination. Robert Pattinson AND New Moon probably equals a bit of involuntary pooing, too. Ugh.
Read More >>>
