Imagine for a moment, waking up in a bed, having willingly had sex with Jersey Shore star, Snooki. Once you’d scraped off 8 gallons of fake-tan residue off your stomach, you’d then need to start scrubbing the shame off yourself with wire-wool.
Only then can you start thinking about the fact you rogered Snooks without a condom on and that she was starting the process of harvesting a symbiotic thing inside her orange abdomen.
And then you see the engagement ring on her finger. You bought it for her. You remember proposing. You start to reevaluate your life and give in to that crippling tide of gloom that rises from your weakened knees, all the way into your nauseated stomach. Somewhere, all this translates into a single, solitary tear on your cheek. The world, it seems, is a cruel and unforgiving place and you’re stuck like Sysiphus.
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For some reason, we’ve credited you slobs with some intelligence. Christ knows why. We’ve read the comments you leave. Either way, some of you ain’t so bad. Some of you have probably only seen Jersey Shore out of morbid curiosity.
If you watched it, you probably thought ‘By Jove! This is faker than Kim Kardashian’s wedding!‘
If you’ve been watching the antics of Snooki & Co, thinking that it’s BLATES REAL (or whatever you wobbling colostomy bags say these days), then we’ve got news for you. And someone with more spare time has made a video which proves it. OKAY?
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Even though she’s got a body like the underside of a giant tortoise’s varnished stomach, Jodie Marsh is very happy with her new bodybuilder look. Very happy. Very, very happy.
In fact, Jodie ‘Oh Jesus Christ, It’s Like The Cuprinol Man Came To Life!’ Marsh is saying… with a completely straight face… that she’s feeling more attractive than ever.
Yes really.
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That Amanda Knox lass and her apparently non murdering ways have grabbed all the headlines this week. Which is a shame as this whole murder in Perugia fiasco has completely overshadowed the return of Jodie Marsh.
Some new photos of Jodie, the suspected inspiration for BBC 3 smash Snog, Marry, Avoid, have surfaced that show the former glam… OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?!
Seriously. Click over the jump for the fright of your life.
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Lady GaGa is a creature that loves wearing outlandish outfits, but seemingly, feels so restricted by clothes in general that she’s more than willing to tear them off at any given point, ensuring that just about everyone has seen her boobies.
And she’s at it again, flopping them out all over her ivories.
That’s right bap-fans – GaGa is getting them out again, this time while singing a jazzy (read ‘Bublesque’) version of her latest record, You & I. And yes, you can be disappointed in it over the jump.
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You know Jersey Shore? That’s right – the thing you can blame dreck like Geordie Shore and The Only Way Is Essex on. Well, one of the stars of the show – The Situation – is a monumental penis who has somehow weaselled his way into the VIP section.
So all is well? Not quite.
See, while he’s the star of a hit MTV show, some people aren’t so taken with him. Despite the free advertising that comes with appearing on a widely watched show, Abercrombie & Fitch have posted a statement on their website asking Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino to stop wearing their clothes. That’s how much they hate him.
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Hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur. Cool. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh hehehehe hmngh hehehehehehe. ‘Rules. Hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur. Dumbass.
If you’re from the ’90s, then you’ll know that all articles concerning Beavis and Butthead must use the conjecture that they displayed in their excellent and often baffling MTV cartoon series.
This pair of slackers preceded the Jackass generation with a mixture of snotty rock, fondness for mindless destruction and laughing at stoopid shit. And now, they’re coming back to do it all over again. Read More >>>
Back when we were just writing swear words on our parent’s walls in crayon, MTV did provide us with some light musical relief. Alongside the mundane pop dross, there were some gems to be found. The programme most likely to fill you with a mix of Scandanavian indie and wobbly acid grooves was 120 Minutes. Only problem was that it was broadcast in the early hours of Sunday morning.
So for the insomniacs, 120 Minutes was a mix of uncommercial sounds and experimental videos that wouldn’t have been broadcast during the day. Just look at certain Sqaurepusher and Mogwai promos.
In an age where music is being broadcast to a wider audience via the internet, you’d expect MTV to do the same. But no, they instead decided to shun the show for moronic programming which, over time, has diluted the channel to such an extent that hardly any music videos are played. But this hasn’t stopped the network from holding its annual VMA ceremony.
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