And so Larry King lives to barely breathe another day – negotiations over the proposed daily hour-long Rosie O'Donnell prime-time MSNBC show have broken down, Rosie O'Donnell has revealed.

According to a post on her blog, Rosie O'Donnell's hopes of scoring a daily serious-minded TV show on MSNBC were over the moment she started yammering on about it to a crowd of people in Miami, and now MSNBC has pulled out of talks. While Rosie O'Donnell can cheerily put the failed MSNBC deal on the ever-growing pile of TV work she didn't manage to get, it still leaves MSNBC with a gaping hole at 9pm that it desperately needs to fill. Maybe producers were looking for a host who was a little less polarising than Rosie O'Donnell – like Joe Pasquale, maybe, or Dog The Bounty Hunter.

There are three places where Rosie O'Donnell feels most comfortable – 1) on an expensive fibreglass prehistoric movie set playing Rick Moranis' wife, 2) slumped in front of a webcam self-consciously dancing to Amy Winehouse records and 3) in front of a television camera spouting her beliefs at a bemused public. And while Rosie O'Donnell has done enough of the first one to last several lifetimes and keeps doing the second one, it's number three that's causing her problems at the moment.

For less than one glorious year recently, Rosie O'Donnell was the moderator on The View despite possibly being the least moderate woman on the face of the Earth. However, the high-profile spats with Donald Trump and the even higher-profile spats with shrieking, constantly-wrong co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck finished Rosie O'Donnell off, and since leaving The View she's had pretty much jack-all to do.

Not that the offers haven't been there, though – Donald Trump apparently extended the olive branch to Rosie O'Donnell by inviting her onto his new Celebrity Apprentice show, even though Rosie responded by taking the olive branch, snapping it in half and trying to stab it through Trump's balls. And then there was Rosie O'Donnell's quest to become the new host of The Price Is Right – a quest that failed presumably a third of a millisecond after the show's producers heard the words 'Rosie O'Donnell' and 'The Price Is Right' in the same sentence.

And then there's MSNBC. Earlier in the week the big news was that Rosie O'Donnell was in talks to be the host of a daily hour-long MSNBC show that'd put her directly up against Larry King. It would have been a dynamic show, that's for sure – at least until three weeks in where, after realising that there's only so much mileage one can get from slagging off the government and the Iraq war constantly, Rosie O'Donnell planned to either do a funny puppet show or fist-fight her own shadow for a full hour a night.

However, that's something we're never going to see because MSNBC has changed its mind about Rosie O'Donnell, as Rosie revealed on her blog yesterday:

we were close to a deal
almost done
i let it slip in miami
causing panic on the studio end

well
what can u do

2day there is no deal
poof
my career as a pundit is over
b4 it began

Maybe Rosie O'Donnell will realise that not getting the MSNBC show is probably for the best. After all, she's proved time and time again that daytime is her stomping ground – possibly because it's easier to shout paranoid nonsense at an audience that self-medicates itself with coffee and perm lotion than at a news channel audience which is used to listening to and questioning a series of well-rounded opinions and ideas.

But Rosie O'Donnell shouldn't get downhearted by this MSNBC snub. After all, there's plenty more TV shows that'd welcome her with open arms, like You Bet Your Life (I'm About To Force My Opinions Down Your Throat), My Name Is ARRRRRGH or America's Got Lesbians! 

Like us, you've probably turned on the TV over the last few months and been frustrated at the lack of hulking angry red-faced lesbians spluttering and gasping any time anyone says something they even slightly disagree with.

If that's the case, well, we don't want you to get too excited here, but it looks like Rosie O'Donnell is going to be given her own show on MSNBC. It's early days yet, but rumour has it that Rosie O'Donnell is in negotiations to bounce back after her high-profile resignation from The View with a daily prime-time TV show where she'll be in direct competition with Larry King. Nothing's been confirmed yet, but it's thought that Rosie O'Donnell has already drawn up a shortlist of potential titles for her show, including I Hate Everything, Outta My Way Assholes and Has Anyone Else Noticed That Elisabeth Hasselbeck Doesn't Have Her Own Show? She Doesn't, I Checked. 

Although the ongoing American writer-strike looks set to tear the world of television apart, the truth is it hasn't been in great shape for a while. And we pin that firmly on the terrible state of daytime TV lesbians. What are daytime TV lesbians doing these days? Crying about bloody puppies, that's what. That's not what we want from daytime TV lesbians – if our daytime TV lesbians have been wronged by a puppy adoption agency we don't want them to cry, we want them to kill a larger animal each day and leave it on the adoption agency's doorstep until either a) the situation gets amended or b) the animal workers have to clear piles of dead pterodactyls from their front garden.

And, let's not kid ourselves, that's what Rosie O'Donnell would have done. Because when she was on The View, that's the sort of behaviour that Rosie O'Donnell did best. Starting fights with Donald Trump, calling everyone homophobes, goading Danny DeVito on to be more drunk, offending the entire population of the biggest country in the world and screaming outraged insults at anyone with a slightly differing viewpoint to her own, Rosie O'Donnell was The View.

But since her screeching split-screen showdown with right-wing idiot Elisabeth Hasselbeck saw her strop off The View forever in March, Rosie O'Donnell has hardly been on TV at all. There were rumours that Rosie wanted to host The Price Is Right, but CBS executives are said to have baulked when Rosie suggested that each show was prefaced by a 45-minute rant about how wanton consumerism is funding the war in Iraq. But now Rosie is back!

Almost, at least – and not a moment too soon. Before she starts devoting her life completely to filming squirrels and setting it to Edith Piaf soundtracks, it's been revealed that Rosie O'Donnell is in negotiations to get her own prime-time TV show on MSNBC, possibly scoring the 9pm slot that'd see her running against Larry King. That'd be perfect for Rosie O'Donnell, because – face it – given the choice of watching a woman raging about nothing for an hour or an old man asking Angelina Jolie the same question about the United Nations 700 times in a row, you'd pick Rosie. We all would. But let's not count our pudgy little chickens yet because, as one executive has said:

"It's far from a done deal."

We've heard there are a number of potential sticking points stopping Rosie O'Donnell's MSNBC show from happening. One is money, another is whether Rosie will go down as well with the highly educated, literate MSNBC audience as she did with the soft-brained viewers of The View who would start agreeing with a talking Mr T keyfob if it was given enough airtime.

And then there's the matter of counterpoint. Without someone to interject her ridiculous left-wing nonsense with even more ridiculous right-wing nonsense, there's a chance that Rosie O'Donnell could be left twisting in the wind somewhat. That's why we propose that MSNBC ships in Elisabeth Hasselbeck to team up with Rosie O'Donnell on the show. It'd be entertaining, plus it'd totally lay the foundations for that Rosie/Elisabeth remake of An Officer And A Gentleman that we've we waiting so patiently for.