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Mr T

Rapping isn’t easy. Your average hip-hop track has an album’s worth of words, which across the whole of a hip-hop long player, is an astonishing amount of lyrics and themes to tackle. The best switch between styles, influenced by reggae toasters, jazz scats and some even invent their own envelope to push.

However, there’s a whole host of really rotten rappers out there who spit the prose in the most clunky, rhythmless manner. It’s pretty bad when you, a bona fide hip hop superstar, can be outrapped by The Anfield Rap.

No matter though! You would-be superstars of hip hop need not worry because we have a list of dreadful MCs to look at so you can learn from their mistakes. Avoid what they do, and you could be the next Tyler the Creator or Rakim!

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Mr. T is putting together his Ultimate Workout Tunes playlist and he wants to know what songs help you get your sweat on.

T fans in the UK have already submitted their favourites and need your vote to shortlist the top 15 songs for T’s playlist. Check out the Facebook page to register your vote. Do it suckas!

What’s more, we have our own prizes to give away. To be in with a chance of winning one of five cases of Snickers and a year’s membership to Spotify, just send an email with SNICKERS! in the subject line to hello[AT]hecklerspray.com, including your name, address, email and telephone number. Winners will be notified by phone/email. UK readers only.

mrtMr T is an official friend of hecklerspray, as anyone who’s seen the video of him saying the word ‘hecklerspray’ and then growling like an angry dog can attest.

But what’s Mr T doing with himself these days? Why he’s hanging out as bus stops and shouting abuse at inconsiderate youngsters. Of course he is. It seems like quite a short-sighted tactic, though. If we knew that antisocial bus stop behaviour would result in Mr T talking to us, we’d probably urinate all over the seats on purpose. That’s how much we love Mr T.

The Mr T video is after the jump…

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10 - What’s that? You want a gallery of amazing mythical vegetables? Fine, here you go – Welovevegetables

9 - Perhaps the greatest response to an R Kelly song you will ever read – Mychemicaltoilet

8 - Brooke Hogan‘s new album cover is the single worst thing any of you will ever see - Amygrindhouse

7 - Some Very Important Headwear News – Interestment

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10 - Fair warning: any woman we marry will be forced to wear this electronic bra – Dollymix

9 - The best Mr T merchandise you will ever see. EVER – Toplessrobot

8 - Christ, Peter Andre‘s a bellend. Also, here’s a story about him - PopSugar

7 - Oh, former presidents of America. You were all so very fat – Pointlessbanter.

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Mr T, hecklerspraySo here it is. They said it could never happen. It almost didn’t happen. But welcome to the brand new, all-singing, all dancing hecklerspray 2.0.

As you can see, the site’s been tweaked here and there – the navigation is a little easier, there’s a carouselly thing on the right hand side and things generally don’t look like they were thrown together by a cack-handed pensioner who’d never seen a computer before. Oh, and it’s whiter.

After the jump: more explanation and THE GREATEST CELEBRITY ENDORSEMENT VIDEO YOU WILL EVER SEE…

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As everyone now knows, Mr T is now a firm friend of hecklerspray, in that he spoke to one of us for five minutes a fortnight ago and then did something funny that we’ll show you soon.

You’re not famous enough to be friends with Mr T, but that doesn’t mean you can’t win some of his bling. As part of this big promotion of his, Snickers has decided to give away a bunch of Mr-T Snickers medallions to anyone who does the following…

1 - Go to this Facebook page and become a fan

2 - Write on the wall and mention that hecklerspray sent you.

3 - Get sent a medallion within six weeks.

Oh, and you have to be a UK resident over 13 years of age to enter. So sorry Mum.

As some of you may have heard, Mr T is in town, promoting either his new masculine manifesto or some delicious chocolate bars.

Who can really say which one is true with any certainty? Well, we can. Mr T is in the UK to promote Snickers. But that’s beside the point, because it meant that hecklerspray’s Keith Emmerson could hang out with the great man twice – first to have a Polaroid picture taken with Mr T before a man with arms literally the size of a dead cow shoved him away, and then two days later at a hotel where he actually got to ask Mr T some questions.

This footage is all that survives from the meeting…


Bad Advertising: Mr T’s Geek Commercial

by Matthew Laidlow

If we had the chance to meet Mr T, we’d literally collapse in excitement and piss ourselves until our bladder was dry. However, after watching his latest commercial, we’d really just want to know where it all went wrong.

We all know and love Mr T as B.A Baracus from The A-Team where every week he’d literally go apeshit on all the evildoers and make sure they’d never trouble the orphanage, little Jimmy or your mum ever again. He’s such a hard bloke that we’d never dream of even challenging him to a game of paper, stones and scissors. Probably because he wouldn’t use any of those three tools. He’d just use the fourth weapon of pain to kick our arse.

But now it all seems to have gone tits up for him. From the slightly amusing Snickers advert where he lobs a piece of chocolate off some girly footballer in a tank, he is now promoting nerd favourite World Of Warcraft. In this game, you get all sorts of magic shields, elves, swords and budgies to probably destroy some sort of warlord. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLlCfC0bu6Q

Back when he was popular, Mr T would probably beat up people for playing this sort of game. Obviously money is low and he needs the cash to get that Mohawk looking pristine and he needs enough wax and industrial strength polish to get his chavtastic jewellery so sparkly that it will blind mere mortals whenever the sun’s rays reflect off it.

If we had the chance to meet Mr T, we’d literally collapse in excitement and piss ourselves until our bladder was dry. However, after watching his latest commercial, we’d really just want to know where it all went wrong. We all know and love Mr T as B.A Baracus from The A-Team where every week he’d literally go apeshit on all the evildoers and make sure they’d never trouble the orphanage, little Jimmy or your mum ever again. He’s such a hard bloke that we’d never dream of even challenging him to a game of paper, stones and scissors. Probably because he wouldn’t use any of those three tools. He’d just use the fourth weapon of pain to kick our arse. But now it all seems to have gone tits up for him. From the slightly amusing Snickers advert where he lobs a piece of chocolate off some girly footballer in a tank, he is now promoting nerd favourite World Of Warcraft. In this game, you get all sorts of magic shields, elves, swords and budgies to probably destroy some sort of warlord. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLlCfC0bu6Q Back when he was popular, Mr T would probably beat up people for playing this sort of game. Obviously money is low and he needs the cash to get that Mohawk looking pristine and he needs enough wax and industrial strength polish to get his chavtastic jewellery so sparkly that it will blind mere mortals whenever the sun's rays reflect off it.
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