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Lindsay Lohan: Still Hanging Around The Morgue

by Mof Gimmers

Lindsay Lohan isn’t as much fun as she used to be. Remember when she was constantly full of drink and drugs, having sex with everyone, stealing jewels and getting accused of assault and battery? Those were good days. Sadly, she seems to have straightened herself out… BUT WAIT! See, LiLo has been doing her community [...]

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Paparazzi Photographer To Sue Lindsay Lohan For Running Him Over In A Car She Wasn’t Driving

by Mof Gimmers

Where there’s blame, there’s a claim… right? Well, in the case of paparazzi photographer and presumed harassing scum-ventricle, Grigor Baylan, he’s suing Lindsay Lohan for something she didn’t actually do for once. Our papping chum is taking legal action against the actress after he found himself being run over  by a motor car that was [...]

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Did You Touch Corey Feldman? Goonie Prepares To Name & Shame Paedophiles Who ‘Abused’ Him

by Lady Robotnik

Eighties child-star Corey Feldman has revealed his plans to release a tell-all book naming and shaming two Hollywood pervs. The-famous-Corey-that-isn’t-dead made similar allegations last August that he was targeted by predatory men from age 14. However, rather than take these claims to the police, he seems to have walked passed the station, right to a [...]

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Lindsay Lohan Gets Tattoo That Shows A Lovely Lack Of Self-Awareness

by Mof Gimmers

Lindsay Lohan wants you to know that she’s a moron. That’s the only possible reason why she emerged from a tattoo parlour this week permanently marked with the phrase: Live Without Regrets. The starlet drunken car crash is said to have told pals that she’s ‘at a great point in her life and wanted to [...]

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Benedict Cumberbatch To Boldly Go Into Star Trek 2 (Geekjaculation Imminent)

by Mof Gimmers

You’ve seen Sherlock on BBC television right? Yeah, that homoerotic nonsense that all furrowed brows and winks to camera. It’s awful isn’t it? If you’re the kind of swine-nosed, spotty sloven who is now tutting in disgust at such a sentiment, we have news. Mr Benedict Cumberbatch, a man with a face like an iron [...]

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Taylor Swift To Pollute The Inevitably Awful Les Miserables Movie

by Mof Gimmers

Taylor Swift (the Hayseed Barbie) has apparently been offered the role of Eponine in Tom Hooper’s new ‘Les Miserables’ film, which is clearly terrible news for those chumps amongst you who like overwrought musicals. What’ll irritate the purists even more is that Swift has seemingly beaten off (no, not like that) actual actors including Lea [...]

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Oh No! Robert Pattinson To Make Rubbish Music On New Album!

by Mof Gimmers

So dull that even air has been known to ignore and stagnate around him, Robert Pattison is the most baffling superstar ever generated by the various casting couches of Hollywood. He’s so forgettable that we can’t think of a suitable ending to this sentence. And now, to add to his impressively tedious acting résumé, he’s [...]

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We Live In A World Where You Can Wipe Poo On Daniel Radcliffe’s Face

by Mof Gimmers

Ever looked at Daniel Radcliffe’s face and thought to yourself: ‘That looks exactly like the kind of thing I’ve been after, especially regarding the absorbing of my faecal matter’. Well have you? If not, then you’re stupid. Why? Well, that’s because you can now completely and legally wipe your mucky hoon on Daniel Radcliffe’s face. [...]

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Taylor Lautner NOT Gay (Robert Pattinson Still Boring Though)

by Robin Darke

It’s a big day for people not being gay. There’s more people going back into the closet than there are lines on Gordon Ramsay’s face today. First Olly Murs does all he can to make himself seem definitely gay, and now Taylor Lautner is at it. Over Christmas, a copy of a People magazine dated [...]

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Will Smith Is An Egomaniac Anti-Christ Don’t You Know?

by Mof Gimmers

Think about Will Smith in your piddling mind. Go on. Try. What are you thinking? That he seems like an inoffensively nice bloke. The kind of chap you could take home to mama and everything would be AOK? WRONG! JESUS CHRIST, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? THE MAN IS CLEARLY A MONSTER! How so? Well, you [...]

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