Articles tagged with: Movies
Billie Piper has done so many things that we'll never get to do - she's had hit singles, performed Shakespeare and done things to Chris Evans' genitals that don't bear thinking about.
But there's one thing that Billie Piper will never be, and that's a bigshot Hollywood actress. And the sad thing is it's all her fault. Or, to be more specific, it's the fault of her boobies.
Because she went topless in a TV show about a filthy whore, Billie Piper now fears that she's ruined her chances of being an A-list movie star. Or as she puts it, “What A-list stars get their tits out?” Well, looking at recent Oscar-winning actresses, Helen Mirren, Reese Witherspoon, Hilary Swank, Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman and Halle Berry all do. But don't tell any of that to Billie - we don't want her to get any ideas.
"There can only be one." God, we should be so lucky. Clearly, Hollywood producers were not paying attention when these words were famously uttered in Highlander – a 1986 film starring Christopher Lambert and Sean Connery, just in case you weren't sure. How else can you explain the three shitty sequels, the two turgid TV series, the endless crap novels and the pointless cartoons that have followed it? And, more importantly, how else do you explain why they are already planning another film?
Bob Marley movies are a lot like buses - you wait hours for one then two come at once, plus if you go on one late at night a creepy drunk man will sit next to you and try to stroke your knee.
We've forgotten what our point was now - something about Bob Marley trying to stroke our knee, we think.
No, it's all coming back now - there are two Bob Marley movies on the way, except that they're coming out so close together that an almighty scrap has kicked off about who gets to use Bob Marley's songs. Honestly, they should just flip for it - winner gets Redemption Song, loser gets Craven Choke Puppy. Simple.
Like a holiday romance with a pretty Lithuanian girl who naively accepts your false claims of being a powerful blogger as truth, we don't want Harry Potter to end.
OK, that's a lie. We do want Harry Potter to end. Sometimes we wish that Harry Potter had never been born at all. But the Warner Bros big cheeses who rely on Harry Potter to keep them in private jets and man-made vagina-shaped residential islands don't want Harry Potter to end.
And what they say goes, because it's just been made official that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows will be turned into two separate movies. Now Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows will be released in November 2010, with its sequel Harry Potter And The Even More Deathlier Hallows That Make The First Lot Of Deathly Hallows Look A Bit Wimpy And Shit will follow in May 2011.
You've seen Lindsay Lohan's tits, now she wants you see her soul - but it's OK, because it's less alarmingly freckly.
That's right, Lindsay Lohan has done a magazine interview all about the impossible darkness of her last 12 months.
It's an important interview because it marks the first time that Lindsay Lohan has publicly prattled on about herself in, ooh, roughly about six or seven minutes. Plus she's kept her clothes on for this one, so your retinas aren't as likely to snap off and run for freedom this time.
What's the dullest thing you can think of? Playing board games? You're wrong - the correct answer was watching a movie based on a board game.
But that's what's going to happen. Universal has signed up with toy firm Hasbro to make a bunch of films based on Hasbro products, possibly starting with - seriously - a Monopoly movie by Sir Ridley Scott. Nobody seems to have much of a clue what this Hasbro/Universal Monopoly movie will be about, but if it wants to remain faithful to the game it'll need to be 10 hours long and cause a longstanding bitter rift within every audience who watches it.
Oh, and it'll need to be as dull as shit, too. And you thought movies based on videogames were rubbish.
They may be talented vocal artists on the music front but as actors on the big screen they are largely an embarrassing cinematic presence. There are exceptions, (Cher's an Oscar winner for instance) but these are few and far between.
So let us present to you the top 10 worst singer celluloid performances by musicians who frankly knew they really stunk as actors but signed up for the goddamn movie anyway...
December 27. A day even more boring than Boxing Day. The turkey's more rubbery, the decorations are more tatty and you've eaten so much Haribo you've started to hallucinate.
But fear not, because hecklerspray's very own personal best-of-2007 lists are here again to save the day. Literally save the day. Like Superman would. As you know by now, the Spraylist is a chance to shine a light on the essentially contradictory nature of the senior hecklerspray writers by getting them to reveal a bunch of stuff they liked this year, even though chances are all the stuff's been slagged off on these pages within the last 12 months anyway. Probably by the same people who are now saying they liked it. It's a tough life.
Today - our favourite movies of 2007...
