Articles tagged with: Movies
Top 5 Future Movie Letdowns of 2009
It is as inevitable as day turning into night, Gordon Ramsay swearing and every odd numbered Star Trek movie being rubbish* – the summer blockbuster season is always ripe with disappointment. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news here but it’s true; this year has already proven that! - hello Wolverine, hello Terminator: Salvation - but there is hope and hype on the horizon - the year isn’t over yet. So here at hecklerspray we have decided to compile a list of films that you shouldn't be looking forward to, no matter what anybody says. *Proven wrong this year so the list is fallible.
It is as inevitable as day turning into night, Gordon Ramsay swearing and every odd numbered Star Trek movie being rubbish* – the summer blockbuster season is always ripe with disappointment. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news here but it’s true; this year has already proven that! - hello Wolverine, hello Terminator: Salvation - but there is hope and hype on the horizon - the year isn’t over yet. So here at hecklerspray we have decided to compile a list of films that you shouldn't be looking forward to, no matter what anybody says. *Proven wrong this year so the list is fallible.
Twitter Tuesday: The Movie Types
It’s not surprising there are so many movie stars and directors on Twitter. Well, let’s face it, they have not got much else to do, have they? Doing two movies a year, the odd junket and endless parties is hardly the most demanding schedule. So why not spend some of your time annoying the hell out of them? To help you in your task, we have provided a list of Hollywood stars who somehow find the time to regularly update their Twitter accounts. Oh, and for some reason we also included John Mayer. Enjoy!
It’s not surprising there are so many movie stars and directors on Twitter. Well, let’s face it, they have not got much else to do, have they? Doing two movies a year, the odd junket and endless parties is hardly the most demanding schedule. So why not spend some of your time annoying the hell out of them? To help you in your task, we have provided a list of Hollywood stars who somehow find the time to regularly update their Twitter accounts. Oh, and for some reason we also included John Mayer. Enjoy!
50 Cent To Produce Awful Films As Well As Star In Them
When it comes to starring in movies that are essentially about 50 Cent, 50 Cent is probably in the top 20 or so. But 50 Cent is tired of only starring in awful, third-rate movies that only idiots like. So he's decided to branch out and start producing awful, third-rate movies that only idiots like as well. Think that's as bad as it gets? Don't - because 50 Cent's first movie is going to star Nicolas Cage. Kanye West, if you're reading this, please start producing movies too. That way they can be more successful than 50 Cent's and he can retire from that as well. Thanks.
When it comes to starring in movies that are essentially about 50 Cent, 50 Cent is probably in the top 20 or so. But 50 Cent is tired of only starring in awful, third-rate movies that only idiots like. So he's decided to branch out and start producing awful, third-rate movies that only idiots like as well. Think that's as bad as it gets? Don't - because 50 Cent's first movie is going to star Nicolas Cage. Kanye West, if you're reading this, please start producing movies too. That way they can be more successful than 50 Cent's and he can retire from that as well. Thanks.
Top 22 Favourite Celebrity ‘Lesbian’ Kisses
Katy Perry? We just don't know what all the fuss is about. We have been kissing girls for years and liking it. It's not exactly earth-shattering news, is it? Maybe the title could have been: 'I saw a bear, and it took a dump in the woods' or even 'I saw the Pope, and he was a Catholic'. Of course, we are being facetious. Katy Perry annoyingly knew exactly what she was doing. And we fell for it hook, line and sinker. But how could the thought of an attractive girl getting it on with another girl cause such a swirl of attention?
Katy Perry? We just don't know what all the fuss is about. We have been kissing girls for years and liking it. It's not exactly earth-shattering news, is it? Maybe the title could have been: 'I saw a bear, and it took a dump in the woods' or even 'I saw the Pope, and he was a Catholic'. Of course, we are being facetious. Katy Perry annoyingly knew exactly what she was doing. And we fell for it hook, line and sinker. But how could the thought of an attractive girl getting it on with another girl cause such a swirl of attention?
Oprah Winfrey Gets To Make Sweary, Boob-Filled HBO Movies
Oprah Winfrey rules all mediums; television, radio, magazines and - thanks to Screaming Round Lady Go-Go 100% - Japanese anime. But there's one medium that Oprah Winfrey hasn't dabbled in for a while - movies. Sure, she was nominated for an Oscar for The Color Purple, but that was over 20 years ago. So it's great to hear that Oprah Winfrey has just signed a deal to make mini-series, movies, documentaries and series. Best of all, she's making them all for HBO, so she can either be like The Sopranos and be intelligent and groundbreaking or be like Entourage and be annoyingly smug. You know, for a change.
Oprah Winfrey rules all mediums; television, radio, magazines and - thanks to Screaming Round Lady Go-Go 100% - Japanese anime. But there's one medium that Oprah Winfrey hasn't dabbled in for a while - movies. Sure, she was nominated for an Oscar for The Color Purple, but that was over 20 years ago. So it's great to hear that Oprah Winfrey has just signed a deal to make mini-series, movies, documentaries and series. Best of all, she's making them all for HBO, so she can either be like The Sopranos and be intelligent and groundbreaking or be like Entourage and be annoyingly smug. You know, for a change.
Angelina Jolie Quits Acting To Pursue Full-Time Sanctimony
Team Aniston, it's time to get the bunting out; your girl has won - Angelina Jolie has decided to retire from acting. True, Angelina Jolie may have only hinted at an eventual retirement some time in the future, and only because fame no longer provides the same spiritual nourishment as raising a family or being committed to charitable work. Nevertheless, the message is clear - Angelina Jolie is quitting acting because Jennifer Aniston called her uncool this week. Great, that's just what we need - a power-crazed Jennifer Aniston. Now that she knows what can happen when she deploys the word 'uncool', we doubt very much that she'll stop at Angelina Jolie. All we'll say is this - don't be surprised if Vince Vaughn suddenly decides to retire from acting as well or if, you know, Brad Pitt develops a horrible wasting disease on his penis. Or something.
Team Aniston, it's time to get the bunting out; your girl has won - Angelina Jolie has decided to retire from acting. True, Angelina Jolie may have only hinted at an eventual retirement some time in the future, and only because fame no longer provides the same spiritual nourishment as raising a family or being committed to charitable work. Nevertheless, the message is clear - Angelina Jolie is quitting acting because Jennifer Aniston called her uncool this week. Great, that's just what we need - a power-crazed Jennifer Aniston. Now that she knows what can happen when she deploys the word 'uncool', we doubt very much that she'll stop at Angelina Jolie. All we'll say is this - don't be surprised if Vince Vaughn suddenly decides to retire from acting as well or if, you know, Brad Pitt develops a horrible wasting disease on his penis. Or something.
Paramount Wants Marvel To Churn Out A Million Films Forever
Thank heavens Marvel started making its own movies - without it we'd have never known what Edward Norton would be like in a crappy Incredible Hulk flick. And because Marvel has been so brilliant at churning out one successful movie that everybody likes and one mediocre movie that everyone instantly forgets about a nanosecond after leaving the cinema, that can only mean one thing. More Marvel movies! Paramount has just signed a deal to globally release the next five Marvel films. Since that includes Thor and Captain America, Paramount probably thinks it's got a pretty sweet deal going on. But it should have read the contract in more detail - the other three movies are about Dazzler, 8-Ball and an utterly pointless shot-for-shot remake of Daredevil, this time with all the characters played by Ben Affleck. Eat it, Paramount!
Thank heavens Marvel started making its own movies - without it we'd have never known what Edward Norton would be like in a crappy Incredible Hulk flick. And because Marvel has been so brilliant at churning out one successful movie that everybody likes and one mediocre movie that everyone instantly forgets about a nanosecond after leaving the cinema, that can only mean one thing. More Marvel movies! Paramount has just signed a deal to globally release the next five Marvel films. Since that includes Thor and Captain America, Paramount probably thinks it's got a pretty sweet deal going on. But it should have read the contract in more detail - the other three movies are about Dazzler, 8-Ball and an utterly pointless shot-for-shot remake of Daredevil, this time with all the characters played by Ben Affleck. Eat it, Paramount!
Ben Stiller’s Booty Sweat Is Finally Here! And it’s Cherry Flavored!
You know how you’re always wishing that there were more beverages named after perspiration from objectionable areas of the body?
Well, wish no more! Paramount Pictures is introducing a new, cherry-licious drink called Booty Sweat. The drink comes from the upcoming Ben Stiller fiasco, Tropic Thunder, and is being marketed in conjunction with the film.
And for the calorie-conscious, like ourselves who strive to keep our girlish figure for our lovely readers, we’re anxiously hoping for Diet Booty Sweat. Same great taste, new fruit flavor, but lower in Back Sauce!
