Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
There is only one reason to watch My Bloody Valentine 3D.
I’ll give you a clue – it has nothing to do with ‘My Bloody Valentine’ ? although we’re sure there are many horror fans who will be interested to see a virtual remake of the 1981 flick Quentin Tarantino dubbed “the greatest slasher movie of all time”.
And, no, it isn’t Betsy Rue‘s lengthy full frontal scene ? although it is probably worth the price of admission alone.
In an age of the unwanted comeback (hello Take That, Boyzone and Peter Mandelson) those bods at TV HQ have finally bought back something we?d been greatly anticipating – Shooting Stars.
The all new anniversary edition was preceded by Shooting Stars: The Inside Story, a mockumentary of sorts which mixed backstage characters portrayed by Vic & Bob and previous guests.
Those looking for a real game to sink hours of (apparently) wasted time into look away now – those thinking “wow, I really want to play the crap out of Fallout 3” or “I love the pitched online battles of Gears of War 2” should probably just go away.
You’re In the Movies isn’t going to appeal to you.
Right: now they’ve gone we can get down to business. We assume if you’re still reading this it means you know absolutely nothing about games, nor do you really care to know.
It says something about a movie when you come out of the cinema and realise Keanu Reeves was the best thing in it.
Making Keanu play a cold, emotionless, stagnant alien iin The Day The Earth Stood Still is almost typecasting but the role perfectly suits eanu?s unique brand of timbre.
However, unfortunately, the film around him is a mess.
Hollywood is a callous, fickle and backstabbing land where producers do drugs, have promiscuous sex and use four-letter curse words like it‘s big and clever.
Meanwhile the greedy studio only cares about money and not the artistic integrity of a film. So what’s new?
What Just Happened tramples on this familiar territory. Robert De Niro plays hotshot movie producer Ben, who juggles his time between forcing a director to change the bleak ending of his latest film and getting Bruce Willis to shave his Grizzly Adams beard before he steps on the set of his next feature. As far as plot goes that’s about as good as it gets, and in the middle of that Ben is getting divorced and suspects his soon to be ex-wife may be sleeping with a friend of his.
Over the years the cinema has given us plenty of bumbling idiots on the big screen but arguably none are ever as likeable as the ones played by Simon Pegg.
Returning this week in How to Lose Friends And Alienate People, Pegg, riding high on his popularity, plays the pretentious tit Sidney Young who manages to get a job at a prestigious New York magazine. It’s like The Devil Wears Prada but with transvestites!
With a recent surge of great comedies, this effort is disappointingly neither consistently hilarious or has anything new to say. Pegg is a likeable lead but presents the character as a more of a loveable idiot who never really irritates, even those within the film. His characters charm instantly sets you into a light hearted predictable romp while although entertaining in its own way, is also somewhat a letdown.
In the space of the last two years, Glasvegas have managed to attract a hype that would make even the marketers of Hollywood blockbusters jealous, drawing all kinds of comparisons for their audibly greasy and powerfully excellent chip shop rock n roll.
The most frequent and purposefully headline grabbing of these has to be their ‘new Oasis‘ tag, a label that seems fairly at odds with a band initially known for the strength of their Scottish accents, but one that does at least have a little weight.
Discovered by Alan McGee? Check. While playing third on the bill at King Tut’s Wah Wah Hut in Glasgow? Check. Fronted by brothers? Check. Purveyors of moody, shouty anthems? Check, check and check again.
Of course, those kind of easy links are a record label’s dream, and the clamour won by Columbia for the signatures of the band has drummed up a fire and safety-busting capacity (and then some) crowd at the comparably small Scala in King’s Cross.
Smart People is not, more’s the pity, a feature length actioner led by a bunch of immaculately well turned out gents in tweed.
No, when they say ‘smart’, the makers of this film mean the American version of smart, better known to us Euros as intelligent, clever or big bloody brainboxes.
Here, the smart person in question is Dennis Quaid, and for us, his brainy bragging rights are already well secured- after all, he did pilot his way out of Martin Short in Inner Space, which is no mean feat.
Everyone has things they’d like to forget; that time you were sick and blamed it on the dog, the ‘homely looking’ date who ended up staying for breakfast, or perhaps the hours you wasted watching Echo Beach. Straight in the memory trash can every single one.
In new US import Samantha Who, however, the list of things to forget is as long and distinguished as Slider‘s Johnson, featuring a lead character who just can’t remember a damned thing.
As it turns out, that’s a definite plus for Samantha Newly (Christina Applegate), the victim of a hit and run who awakes from an eight-day coma only to discover she has retrograde amnesia.
Family and friends are strangers, but the one thing that our Sam can discern is that until right now, she has spent her life as a full time megabitch who could give lessons in how to lose friends and alienate people.
Say what you want about the Star Wars prequels, it’s still an unparalleled cinematic experience when the lights go down and the familiar John Williams fanfare kicks in with the logo and text crawl.
So it’s a feeling of impending cinematic doom when this new prequel/middle/sequel gets this simplest of iconic moments wrong!
Straight away you feel that your heading downhill with The Clone Wars as it replaces the text crawl with a voiceover narration that feels as jarring as it does patronising. As we get plumped straight into the action we have to get used to the new aesthetic style that matches a wooden finish with that of the prequel trilogy acting. It also dumps the classic musical themes of the saga, instead opting for, among other things, rock-style electric guitar. It’s as bad as it sounds, literally!
