Cooked or Booked?
Folded
Creased
- Syco – For not.
- The Murdochs – Just a reminder.
- I’m A Celebrity…! – No you fucking well are not.
- The Keith Lemon Movie – God, no. Please. Anything but that. OH GODDDDDDDD!
- Twitter commentaries of things that are actually taking place on twitter. If people actually gave a fuck, they’d be watching it unfold themselves.
Apple geeks around the world were united in grief last week when Apple announced that Steve Jobs had suffered a fatal 404 error and couldn’t be restarted. Whilst a replacement for Steve Jobs had already been secured so Apple can dominate the market with sleek and flashy products that’ll require a replacement six months later, we don’t care about that.
It’s all about tie-in movie deals that are coming soon thanks to Sony snapping up the rights.
Total Film published a list of actors who they thought could play the billionaire tech lord throughout his reign at the helm of Appple. After Justin Timberlake successfully played Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and won countless awards due to his uncanny resemblance to everyone’s favorite social network poster boy, we figured we’d think about those who should really play Jobsy.
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For a man contractually obliged to play God at least once every 18 months, Morgan Freeman has got crap luck.
Like last year, for instance. Morgan Freeman crashed his car, almost died, and his wife left him because of his female passenger. Some said that was unlucky. But now Morgan Freeman is being sued by the female passenger because everyone wrongly thinks she was his lover. That’s unlucky.
Incidentally, we’re also in for a payout, because we weren’t Morgan Freeman’s lover either. Well, apart from that time we Rohypnolled his drink. OK, so we’re not in for a payout. Happy now?
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Morgan Freeman has had a long and varied career – one minute he can be a dignified black man and the next a dignified black God-figure.
Because of this, Morgan Freeman has become so loved that the American government have decided to step in and honour him at this year’s Kennedy Centre Awards, along with big names such as Barbara Streisand, choreographer Twyla Tharp, a country singer and the members of The Who who haven’t died yet.
Why has Morgan Freeman been chosen for a Kennedy Centre award? Two reasons, really. Firstly Morgan Freeman has left an indelible mark on cinema and has directly influenced American culture. Secondly, by getting caught in a car with a woman that wasn’t his wife, Morgan Freeman has helped invoke the spirit of John F Kennedy better than any other entertainer on the planet.
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Morgan Freeman has been struck by the evil curse of The Dark Knight yet again.
So we may have been a little sceptical about the whole ‘curse’ thing ever since the term started getting bandied around, but on this evidence it’s hard not to think that maybe, just maybe there are nefarious forces at work. Just days after having a serious car accident, Morgan Freeman and his wife of 24 years are to get a divorce.
According to a friend of Freeman, the divorce had been in the works for a while before the accident even occurred – so don’t go accusing Morgan of having a relationship with Demaris Meyer, the passenger in his car during the accident, that was anything beyond platonic friendship.
We thought about it – purely for comedy effect, of course – but libel is too big a word.
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The Dark Knight has only ruddy well gone and done it again.
No, not struck down another member of the cast or crew with the ‘curse’, which is apparently floating around these days. The film has gone and broken the record for the fastest $400 million in box office history, making the money in a frankly ridiculous 18 days.
Imagine making four hundred million dollars in 18 days. How many tricks you’d have to pull to draw in that amount… it’s hard to take in. Though it would also be hard to take in if you pulled $400 million-worth of tricks, let’s be honest here.
But at least it shows that maybe, just maybe, Christopher Nolan‘s film is living up to its reputation, even with the extra bits of accidental hype popping up here and there.
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Unfortunately, it’s not a DVD outtake for Driving Miss Daisy – that would be much easier to make light of.
No – Morgan Freeman is the latest to be involved in the so-called ‘curse’ of The Dark Knight, after he was involved in a car accident on Sunday night, which officials referred to as ‘serious’.
The 71-year-old actor will require surgery on a shattered elbow, as well as time for other less serious injuries to his neck and shoulder to heal. While initial reports said Freeman was in a serious state, these have since rescinded and he is expected to make a comfortable, if slow, recovery from his injuries.
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