Donald Trump is a man of many talents; he pioneered the modern day comb over, he discovered that President Obama was actually a Senegalese street cleaner called Babacar Ousamane, causing him to resign from the Presidency and is rumoured to have been the man who killed Kim Jong-il, with a Chuck Norris style roundhouse.

But now, ‘The Donald,’ as he is known, has made his most audacious claim yet, he (and he alone) is personally responsible for the meteoric rise to fame of the 21^st Century musical behemoth, Lady Gaga.

That’s right, if it wasn’t for Donald Trump the world would never have been subjected to the second coming of Madonna.

Top man Trump, stated that it was his choice to have Gaga perform during the 2008 Miss Universe pageant. The resulting performance that she put on got tongues wagging, with people all over the world reportedly not talking about the pageant because they were too busy wondering who that entertainer was.

Naturally there was no mention of the fact that Gaga’s inaugural performance came just after the crucial Miss Universe Wank Threshold. After which it’s assumed that any and all viewers have finally reached their climax and so they’d better wheel out the performing monkey to distract them and give them a little bit of time to recover.

America’s answer to Lord Sugar wasn’t done there though.

Now that he’s successfully managed to convince everyone that he brought us Gaga, instead of simply being a bit gaga, Trump has begun work on his next outlandish claim.

Rumours have been circling Stateside that Trump is planning to claim that he is in fact the man in the moon, having acquired the advertising rights after a hostile takeover of NASA that took place just before they had to scrap the space shuttle program.

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

Here’s what we as a people know concretely about the moon; it’s a wicked awesome planet that thinks it’s better than Earth, but really it’s not.

Seriously, the moon is so dumb it can’t even maintain an atmosphere. That’s, like, planets 101. Shouldn’t have skipped that class, eh moon?

And of course, without an atmosphere there’s absolutely no chance of a civilization ever popping up. After all, when astronauts visited the moon back when America had a space program – they didn’t see anything, right? Well according to one former NASA employee – they actually did see some old abandoned buildings and what-not.

If Hecklerspray ever get’s stuck living on the moon, we hope it’s at least on a nice sea side property with an ocean breeze and a free hammock. If we can’t have that, then we’ll probably have to settle for living in one of the old abandoned buildings that NASA‘s former (get ready for a really long title) National Aeronautics and Space Administration Data and Photo Control Department manager Ken Johnston swears up and down are spotted across the moon’s pock-marked surface.

According to BeforeItsNews.com:

“Johnston asserts NASA knows astronauts discovered ancient alien cities and the remains of amazingly advanced machinery on the Moon. Some of the technology can manipulate gravity. He says the agency ordered a cover-up and forced him to participate in it.”

You see, Johnston has actually worked for NASA up until very recently. Then he wrote a book with Coast to Coast regular Richard C. Hoagland. In the book Johnston let the allegations fly. True or not, NASA didn’t approve. They offered him the chance to resign, which he balked at. Then they flushed him down the hole where he joined America’s growing cesspool of unemployed citizens.

We assume Mr. Johnston got his information from the photographs he was in charge of – as implied by the last part of his big, long job title. We’d like to know where he got the info on gravity manipulation. So help us if we have to buy his book to find out!

A few articles telling this story have some of the pictures from the book. The originals might be impressive, but the pirated reprints we’ve seen have way too little detail to knock anybody’s socks off.

If our world was technologically advanced enough, there’s really no doubt we’d build outposts on far away moons – especially if there was an intelligent population to study. Could somebody else have come here a long time ago and staked the place out? It’s really not too weird to think about. However – we think super advanced and available technology just sitting there waiting to be picked up would guarantee NASA all the funding they could ever dream of. As opposed to, you know, cutting the space shuttle program and laying off every single person that ever worked for them.

Ok, we’re sorry. Honestly, we can’t apologise enough to the legions of Muse fans that we might have accidentally upset with our throwaway comments. Recently, there have been a few choice accusations of calling Muse a poor carbon copy of Radiohead – you know that band that awkwardly reinvented their own sound from OK Computer to Kid A and that marketing campaign called In Rainbows?

Obviously we’re the fools. After a bit of research, have we realised that Muse aren’t influenced by Radiohead. God no, instead it’s all been a case of mistaken identity. S Club 7 are who inspire Muse on a daily basis!

Happy go lucky S Club 7 once released the feel good anthem ‘Reach For The Stars’ and after playing it on a loop continuously, Muse frontman Matt Bellamy has decided that he wants to perform a gig in space, going one better his pop counterparts.

Recently, we reported that Muse are on par with a wet paper towel in terms of rock ‘n’ roll behaviour. After reports of ignoring a smoking ban at a gig in Australia, we assumed that the next thing they’d attempt to do was not make their beds in the morning. In actually fact, S Club 7 have more credibility in terms of a band lifestyle. The male members of the band – Paul, Bradley and Jon were cautioned for possession of cannabis. We imagine Muse get their kicks from smuggling flavoured teabags up their foreskin (they’ve got one between them).

However, we have to admit, Muse blasting in to space to perform for aliens and old space satellites isn’t a total surprise. They did release Supermassive Milky Way, so the intentions of venturing into the unknown has always been there.

Playing a gig in space would be quite interesting, though extremely pointless. You couldn’t take an audience with you unless they’d had space training and a live stream would probably crash due to the sheer volume of people wanting to watch the band floating around and crashing in to each other.

Speaking to a rag that doesn’t link back to us when they steal our articles, Matt Bellamy said:

“We’ve had some discussions about playing in space, sometimes very coherent conversations and sometimes very late at night, but it’s for real.”

You that old saying? “In space no-one can hear you scream?” we bloody hope the same applies when a shit band attempts to do the same.

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Warning: Brace yourself for a sickening display of cinematic affection.

As far as movies based on lunar missions go Moon is up there with the best of them. With only one man and a computer voiced by Kevin Spacey, this is a film that blows the dust away from the sci-fi genre.

This is movie that not only pays homage to the likes of Blade Runner and 2001: A Space Odyssey but also turns expectations and marks itself as a visionary exploration on what it means to be human.

It is helped in no small way by Sam Rockwell, here playing the aptly named Sam. The film relies completely on his performance and if you are familiar with Rockwell then it comes at no surprise that his enigmatic screen presence makes Moon not only absorbing but also completely believable. Dealing with agoraphobia, mortality and paranoia, Rockwell never falters in his portrayal, and further cements himself as one of the best ‘oh, I recognise him from something’ actors out there.

What helps the film is its sheer restraint to be anything bordering on mainstream. One time Zowie Bowie (son of David) Duncan Jones directs the film with care and passion. Not relying on computer generated effects – something that has become a prerequisite of modern sci-fi – and instead using practical methods of creating an environment that not only looks startling (and not just in crisp high definition) but also adds a layer of authenticity often lacking in today’s cinema.

This method also helps you feel connected to the environment and helping to add to the unsettling nature of the picture. When Sam falls deeper into the mystery surrounding an accident, we are never sure what is real and what isn’t. Can we truly believe a narrator who seems to be both mentally and physically deteriorating before our eyes? The film constantly makes you question what is going on, leaving the audience constantly in the dark – a brave decision in an impatient age.

As the pieces of the puzzle fall into place then it becomes clear that each twist and turn has been clever crafted and the story forms together to create something truly memorable. It may be compared to the likes of Blade Runner but as far as intricate storytelling then it is on a par with recent directional debuts such as Christopher Nolan’s Memento and Richard Kelly’s Donnie Darko.

Much like the aforementioned it takes the genre to new levels, often by making the ideas big and the storytelling simple – Something that Hollywood seems to have forgotten to do.

The Blu-ray release delves deeper into the process, featuring commentaries with Duncan Jones, Q&A sessions and behind the scenes footage. The only thing it lacks is major input from Rockwell. Still, you can’t ask much more than a high definition package that makes a visionary film truly visually spectacular.

Hecklerspray rating: 4/5

Now pardon us for our break in usual Hecklerspray cynicism so now enjoy a return to our normal programming…

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This week’s half full and half empty.

Folded:

• Moon (strange Sam Rockwell, watchable as ever)
• Plaid shirts (classic style anonymity. Buy a padded one to look like a window cleaner)
• When Eight Bells Toll (the youngest you’ve ever seen Anthony Hopkins. If you’re off sick this is bound to be on Film4. It’ll really pass the time too)
• Omega Seamaster watch (you can’t afford one, but no-one will know when you stare through the jewellers’ window)
• Autumn video games (Modern Warfare 2, Splinter Cell: Conviction, Uncharted 2, Alpha Protocol, etc – prepare to have your pockets lightened)

Creased:

• Brüno (when cringeworthy stops being funny)
• Swine flu inevitability (had the bug yet? It’s getting to the ‘everyone knows somebody’ stage now)
• Guys who refer to their wives or girlfriends as ‘er indoors’ (they probably say ‘aye’ a lot too)
• Crunches (the most miserable sounding exercise ever. Going on the beach? Just wear a vest or something)
• Waiting for autumn video games (you’d never know it because of the damn unpredictable weather but we’ve only just started August)

Intelligent sci-fi is for gimps.

This film could have been about going mad on an island, a mountain or even the comfort of your own home… but no, they had to take you to the Moon.

Sam Rockwell comes into shot, and soon you find yourself wishing that you were somewhere else. Sam, also named Sam in the film is an astronaut under a three-year mining contract that lands him on the surface of the moon. Satellite communications are shot and he can only receive transmissions via tape.

His only friends are routine and a talking computer that cuts his hair. Two weeks before the end of the contract, he finds a derelict ship that contains a clone. Hallucinations begin to mount and nothing is really as it seems. Fascinating stuff.

[story by Alex de Moller]

There are times in life when things look bad, when you don't see the point in much and when, well, you just downright hate things.

Then something happens that picks you up, makes you happy again and fills you with a beaming smile that somehow manages to envelop your entire body, filling your whole physical presence with joy from head to toe.

Take, for example, when a UFO sighting was reported somewhere in Wales, and this police radio conversation was conducted:

Control: "Alpha Zulu 20, this object in the sky, did anyone have a look at it?"

Officer: "Yes, it's the Moon. Over."

hecklerspray loves you, Wales.

Original Story (BBC)