Jason Biggs Accidentally Fights A Monkey There is a decently long list of animals we'd like to punch. Top of the list is bears for the way they're always so nonchalant with their captors. Next wood be woodpeckers because even in today's civilised age, they still destroy trees. Coming in a respectable third is monkeys. We'd punch them because we know that behind those beady eyes they're thinking about ways they can kill a man and take his woman. That's really lame, monkeys. Why don't you just lust for your own kind, you hairy pervs! Maybe that's why Jason Biggs recently fist-fought one while on vacation.

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Christina Ricci Raped By A Monkey

OK, the headline could be a tad misleading, as it’s questionable as to whether grabbing a boob without consent constitutes rape, or indeed whether a monkey has the faculties to be accused of such an act.

Be that as it may, it is an attention-grabbing headline that we’ve used to reel you in to a comparatively unsensational story. Let’s move on.

Christina Ricci, who was already a Maimouphobiac (scared of monkeys) was sexually assaulted on the set of her latest film Penelope by Chim Chim The Chimpanzee.