Posts tagged as:

Money

R Kelly Getting Sued By Former Manager So We Can Make Obvious Jokes About You Know What

by Mof Gimmers

R Kelly is being sued by former manager Jeff Kwatinetz for over $1 million. While that’s all very interesting and we’ll mention it later in the article, this is obviously not the reason we’re running the story. Clearly, we want to make jokes about R Kelly and sex with minors. Of course, Kelly hasn’t ever [...]

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The Edge Pushed Over The Precipice By California Coastal Commission

by Michael Park

Accessory to musical murder U2 guitarist The Edge has been told that his proposed property development would be one of the “worst” things to happen to California in terms of environmental devastation. The guitarist, famous for making a noise which is primarily effects with a thin, marmalade-like scraping of musical ability, had applied for permission [...]

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The Reverse Midas Touch: Lessons In Bad Fortune

by admin

Bad luck. Everyone gets bad luck. However, there are some people who are desperately unlucky and get barrows of misfortune after living the high life. Once you get to the top, there’s an awfully long way to drop. And sometimes, bad luck is tied in with good luck. Look at King Midas. Everything he touched [...]

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Demi Lovato Had A Hilarious Nervous Breakdown

by Mof Gimmers

Demi Lovato may well be a young, tender and impressionable woman, but we can all take great joy in her having personal issues because she worked for Disney and it is completely fine to mock anyone who came through its ranks. Why? Don’t ask us. We didn’t make the rules. Like Blue Peter presenters, if [...]

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Quite Why Demi Lovato And Ashley Greene Fought Over Joe Jonas Is A Mystery, But Bitchy Emails Were Exchanged

by Mof Gimmers

It doesn’t matter if you’re a vaguely famous human, you’re still a human. That means you’re still prone to being an unreasonable, ratty, snarky prick. Take troubled Disney star (we’re legally obliged to say that every time we mention her name) Demi Lovato for example. She’s been acting like a tool after being dumped by [...]

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We Will Pay Good Money For Demi Lovato Sex Tape Which Doesn’t Exist

by Mof Gimmers

Demi Lovato is something of a troubled star. For a kick-off, she’s religious. Secondly, she went out with one of the Jonas Brothers. It is little wonder that she ended up getting treatment for ‘emotional and physical issues’. A god-fearing woman who dry-humped with one of the most boring humans ever to walk the Earth. [...]

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Facebook Founder Teams Up With Bill Gates For Charity

by Kris Silver

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is apparently a really nice guy. Him and some of his nerdy mates have pledged to give all their stupidly vast fortunes away to noble causes either during their lifetimes or after their death. Presumably this is so we all forget all the data and privacy problems Facebook has been plagued [...]

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Apprentice Week 9: Spunking Cash Up The Wall

by Kris Silver

If there’s one thing this nation needs more of, its smug gits in business attire spunking away money that isn’t theirs whilst being rewarded with lavish amounts of champagne and opportunities to stab those who have irked them squarely between the shoulders. Yes, that’s right, it’s week 9 of The Apprentice! This week everyone’s favourite [...]

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Joe Jackson Gets Cold Shouldered By Michael Jackson’s Estate

by Mof Gimmers

We live in a world where you can’t mentally and physically abuse one of your children without getting crossed off the will. Frankly, it’s unfair. If it wasn’t for those constant ass-whuppings, Michael Jackson would never have sung so good in the Jackson 5, right? And now, poor ol’ Joe has seen all that hard [...]

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Michael Jackson’s Dad Clearly Wants Loads of Money From The Pockets of Michael Jackson’s Cadaver

by Mof Gimmers

Michael Jackson fans love us writing about their favourite popstar. We pull their noses and they get to try and outdo each other with hyperbolic claims of infatuation and true fandom. We all prop each other up, like recovering drunks in a day centre. Someone who loves Michael Jackson more than any of us is [...]

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