Money - HecklerSpray

Tori Spelling Blew All Her Money, Never Fixed Her Face

October 28th, 2013 By Megan Leitch

Tori Spelling has a new memoir coming out, nauseatingly entitled “Spelling It Like It?Is“.? Some excerpts have been leaking out, which is great because no one is really going to shell out any actual money to buy this epic waste of paper.? Some of these include Spelling revealing that she is rich people poor, and that she thinks Katie Holmes is a real life robot.

Spelling and her husband make their income off a reality show on a D-List channel, and Holmes was contractually bound to Tom Cruise for years as his Alien wife, so neither of these revelations are particularly mind blowing, but they do give a shit ton to mock, so I enjoy it.

Someone Actually Spent Money To “Hang Out” With Kristen Stewart

September 13th, 2013 By Tasha Amoruso

Someone legit gave up half a million dollars to spend time with one of the most loathed actress in Hollywood, Kristen Stewart. WHY?

A wealthy Middle Eastern prince who gave up the moolah to hang with the ungrateful, two-timing hoe-bag for 15 minutes. At least the money went towards a good cause, the Hurricane Sandy relief effort.

Let Us All Go To Paula Abdul’s And Fall Over ‘Til She Cries Money On Us!

February 23rd, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

You there! Stop what you’re doing! The engine’s running and we have places to be! Like where? Well, we’re all going to Paula Adbul’s house. No, honestly we are. Hear us out! If you come to Mental Paula’s house, we can all make loads of money!?

All you need to do is be your clumsy, clumsy self.

Yes indeed, we’re all off to Paula’s house and all we need to do is fall over repeatedly and then, at some point, the singer who is friends with an animated cat will arrive with a tray of used bank-notes, crying coins out of her peculiar face directly into our pockets.

Readers’ Letters: “Gays Have No Rights” Or “How I Learned To Stop Thinking & Leave Youtube Comments”

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

God, look at you all.

Sat there in your ostentatious Ivory Towers looking down on us in our hecklerspray hovel as we scrap around trying to pick a living from the meagre bones of underweight celebrities. You sit in judgement of us like a Feudal Lord views his peasants with seeming omniscience.

You sit there with your lucky dip box at the ready, it loaded with randomly generated insults and put-downs designed to make us feel like the lowest of the low, like the dog dirt on the shoe of the internet, like Tim Westwood. Your words are designed to cut, to hurt but are said with the best interests at heart. You want to protect your favourite celebrity because you know- deep down- that they’re too disinterested or stupid to defend themselves.

Angelina Jolie Is Absolutely And Massively Pregnant

January 18th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Hey! Do you fancy Angelina Jolie? Apart from the way she looks and pouts, you probably think she’s pretty edgy and different to all the other celebrities. She isn’t. She’s got pregnant, just like the rest of the bores.

That’s right! She’s got a thing growing inside her! Seen her supping cans of super strength beer recently? That’s because she’s preggo.

And it has been coming a while now. Brad Pitt and Jolie have been dropping hints about wanting to add to their tedious brood, and everyone thought they were oh-so-clever for joking that they’d probably steal an orphan from Africa. Alas, not. They’ve been having sex without a condom on and now she’s going to grow her own.

Angelina Jolie Will Cry If Kids Become Normal, Like Your Boring, Settled Children

December 21st, 2011 By Joanna Bolouri

Wannabe Funeral Director and collector of used plasters Angelina Jolie, ?has revealed that she dreads the day one of her 87 children asks to be excused from the family’s global travels, insisting she will break down in tears when it happens.

It seems Jolie and husband Brad Pitt, pride themselves on their nomadic lifestyle, settling for a few weeks at a time wherever their work takes them.

What’s that we hear you crying stupidly loudly? CHILDREN NEED ROUTINE! A STABLE ENVIRONMENT AND?CONSISTENCY! What the hell do you know?

Ethereal Michael Jackson/Freddie Mercury Duet Gets The Post-Conrad Murray Trial Nod

November 14th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

If you were asked to sum up the Jackson family, how would you do it? Some people might call them the greatest collection of siblings who ever entered a recording studio. Others might comment on how inferior Janet and LaToya were compared to Tito, Jermaine and Randy.

Most people would say that the entire family were complete fruit loops.

However, we?d like to comment on how the Jackson family manage to pick the worst possible time for any new release. A brand new greatest hits album from Michael followed weeks after heart went all funny and of course, there was the tribute concert that was accidentally scheduled at the same time as the Dr. Conrad Murray trial. Some would say this was done for financial gain.

Even Michael Jackson’s Ghost Can’t Catch A Break When It Comes To Employing People (MJ Tribute Goes Bust!)

November 14th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Remember Michael Jackson’s amazing tribute event in Cardiff where people bought overpriced tickets to watch Alien Ant Farm, 3T, JLS and LaToya Jackson (aka Michael’s animated corpse) prance around on MJ’s grave?

Of course, most of the Jackson family thought the tribute was in terrible taste, what with it taking place in the middle of Conrad Murray’s trial.

The whole thing was beset with controversy, even to the point where absolutely insane Michael Jackson fans boycotted the whole thing, calling it a scam. Well, maybe those lunatics were onto something because Global Events – the people who put the show on – have now gone into administration leaving everyone who worked on the show unpaid for their work. HURRAY FOR MICHAEL JACKSON’S LEGACY!

You’ll Be Thrilled To Learn That Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt’s Mum No Longer Loathe Each Other

November 10th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Are you one of these people who hates their mother-in-law? Good. You probably deserve it for picking such a lousy partner in the first place. Seriously. What were you thinking? Were you that desperate for a ride?

Anyhoo, one person who has had bother with their other-half’s mum is Angelina Jolie. It’s fair to say she’s not desperate for a shag. She could pretty much shag anyone she wanted.

Jolie hasn’t seen eye-to-eye with Brad Pitt’s mother because Brad Pitt’s mother is an overbearing weapon who likes sticking her oar in. Of course, Jolie is an opinionated, jealous lunatic, so it wasn’t ever going to be pretty.

Video That Confirms That Jersey Shore Is A Giant Fake

November 3rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

For some reason, we’ve credited you slobs with some intelligence. Christ knows why. We’ve read the comments you leave. Either way, some of you ain’t so bad. Some of you have probably only seen Jersey Shore out of morbid curiosity.

If you watched it, you probably thought ‘By Jove! This is faker than Kim Kardashian’s wedding!‘

If you’ve been watching the antics of Snooki & Co, thinking that it’s BLATES REAL (or whatever you wobbling colostomy bags say these days), then we’ve got news for you. And someone with more spare time has made a video which proves it. OKAY?