Articles tagged with: model
You know when you accidentally open a letter addressed to your partner and then pretend it was for you all along rather than admit to it? We get the feeling that Ellen DeGeneres does, because she's just been named as the new face of CoverGirl. That's right. Ellen DeGeneres. Not Ellen's beautiful former model of a girlfriend Portia De Rossi. Ellen DeGeneres. She's the new face of CoverGirl. That letter was definitely addressed to her. Not Portia. Her. Shut up. Actually, we're just kidding. Ellen DeGeneres is going to make a perfect face of CoverGirl. What's more, the CoverGirl job is going to look just great on Ellen's modelling portfolio, alongside her shoots as the face of Northumbria NHS Trust's colorectal unit and her brief stint as Miss Frozen Animal Tripe 1995.
Being Miley Cyrus' boyfriend must be horrible - you'd be constantly fighting the urge to slap Billy Ray Cyrus' silly face every time you saw it. In fact, 15-year-old Miley Cyrus has got quite the wishlist when it comes to her boyfriends. Firstly you can't be intimidated by Miley Cyrus' fame and wealth. Secondly you have to be as gormlessly God-fearing as she is. And thirdly, if you're so much older than her that it's a little bit creepy and you use your body as a sexual object for a living, then that's great too. So, with that in mind, say hello to Miley Cyrus' new boyfriend - he's Justin Gaston, he's 20 years old and he's an underwear model. If this hasn't ended in tears by this time next year, then we're afraid we'll have to go away and question everything we thought we knew about the universe.
Aww, put the confetti away - it seems Jennifer Aniston is destined for a life of endless unfulfilling relationships after her fling with John Mayer was consigned to nothingness. Yes, it would seem that the relationship that had been hyped as 'the love of the century' - we may be making that one up - has gone the way of the perennially single Dodo, as Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have reportedly broken up. Try to fight back the tears, we're sure Jennifer is managing to. Especially seeing as she's now getting her thang on with some kind of model man from Britney Spears' Toxic video. At least that's more interesting than a nobody in a band, who seems to automatically screw any celebrity woman inhabiting a three-mile radius of his penis. We mean like John Mayer, if you weren't paying attention.
Eva Longoria's husband Tony Parker is denying that cheated on his wife with French model Alexandra Paressant so strongly that he's suing X17 for $40 million over it.
X17 is the picture agency that first published reports - along with text messages apparently proving it - that Tony Parker had slept with Alexandra Paressant after meeting her for the first time at his own wedding, partly because he was fed up about Eva Longoria yammering on about how sperm gives you acne all the time. But Tony Parker denies having sex with - or even ever meeting - this model so strenuously that he's after $40 million in damages.
Incidentally, if $40 million is the going rate for not having sex with models that you've never met, then we've estimated that we're owed roughly all the money in the whole wide world. Cash is fine. Or a cheque. Or food. Scraps of food. We're so hungry. Anyone?
Eva Longoria and her husband Tony Parker and still together and stronger than ever, despite claims that he's been up to his nutsack in a French model called Alexandra Paressant.
It has been reported that Tony Parker was sleeping with Paressant behind Eva Longoria's back for two months after meeting her at his own wedding. X17, which broke the story, also claims to have a number of text messages that Tony Parker sent Alexandra Paressant - and in in French too, the dirty bugger. However, Eva Longoria and Tony Parker have issued a statement saying that the story is completely untrue, and that Eva Longoria would leave Tony Parker instantly if she ever discovered he'd been cheating on her.
Or she'd stick with him for the rest of his life - whichever one would be more likely to send him into a painful wibbling meltdown. Probably the second one.
Janice Dickinson has just spent three weeks in the jungle living off nothing but kangaroo anuses and the nervous energy that comes from listening to Christopher Biggins shriek like a schoolgirl every two seconds.
And all this has made Janice Dickinson thin. Not only that, but it's turned Janice Dickinson into a sort of fat-fairy who can twinkle into any room, wiggle her wand and declare that people are either fat or thin depending on nothing more than how she feels at any given moment in time. And, as such, Janice Dickinson has just told the world that Tyra Banks is fat on the Today show. Although Tyra Banks has yet to respond to Janice's fat claim, it's thought that she'll issue a statement by teatime declaring that Janice Dickinson lives in a cardboard box, has fleas and buys all her clothes from Asda.
That's unless she eats it first, the lardy moo.
There's more to being a model than standing around all dead-eyed in a procession of impractically gaudy outfits while a European man with an unpronounceable name shouts a series of inanely useless instructions at you, you know.
Because it's a little-known fact that to be a model you also have to have several first-class degrees from the world's finest universities in everything from logical empiricism to advanced economic studies otherwise it doesn't count.
Luckily Gisele Bundchen has all of these qualifications and is therefore eminently capable of delivering sweeping statements about the condition of the world's currency markets whenever she feels like it. And that's what Gisele has done - she doesn't want to be paid in dollars ever again, partly over fears of its stability and partly because she probably overheard a bloody fashion designer's assistant say that coins are so last season and that seashells will be the must-have denomination once.
