Strange to think that Amy Winehouse used to win awards, isn’t it? Real awards for being good at music and stuff.
Not awards for being drunk. Not awards for overdosing on drugs, or punching fans, or making a noise like a kitten being pushed through a waste disposal unit when she sings. Actual awards. Brits and Grammys and Ivor Novellos and stuff. It’s good in a way, because no matter how catastrophic her life gets, Amy Winehouse will always have a reminder of her natural talent; she’ll always have something to live for.
Except that Amy Winehouse apparently treats her awards with such a lack of respect that her dad Mitch Winehouse has decided to keep them at his house. Rumours that he clutches them to his chest at night pretending that they’re actually his could not be confirmed.
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Mitch Winehouse isn’t just famous for being Amy Winehouse’s dad, you know. He’s also famous for, um…
Oh. Hang on. There must be something. Wait. No. Oh, no, actually it turns out that Mitch Winehouse is just famous for being Amy Winehouse’s dad. But has that stopped him from inexplicably releasing a jazz album called A Rush Of Love To The Heart? No, no it hasn’t.
And we hope that the album becomes a runaway success – because then chances are that Mitch Winehouse will develop a crack addiction, marry someone desperately unsuitable, have an overdose, punch one of his fans in the face and watch in horror as one of his fake tits explodes. If there’s anything that runs in the family, it’s exploding tits.
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Hey kids, remember back in school when your teacher told you to study hard and reap the rewards?
Well you can pretty much forget that now. Now that we think about it, you can pretty much knock over our desks, pull down our trousers and eat crisp sandwiches for eternity. You see, Amy Winehouse’s dad Mitch wants to dish out batches of mind-numbing heroin to us. Hooray.
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Amy Winehouse is a woman in turmoil. Crack-less, Blake-less and now light of £15,000 worth of property, since being the victim of a burglary while on holiday in St. Lucia.
To add insult to injury, according to reports, Amy Winehouse has been barred from spending her own (remaining) cash, unless she has the explicit permission of her father Mitch or her mum Janis.
This has so many echoes of a post-head-shave Britney Spears. The only saving grace is that our beloved Wino is not a mother and is pretty good at remembering her underwear.
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Mitch Winehouse, father of beehived bandit Amy, has told the News of the World that he wants his daughter to be sectioned.
Just yesterday there were reports that Amy didn’t want her husband to come out of jail.
What is it about this family that makes them want to incarcerate their closest relatives so much?
Love?
And by ‘mental’ home, we don’t mean it in the modern-youthful sense of the word (i.e. a ‘wicked-fun time’) as if the hospice was run by clowns who could heal patient’s injuries with heavy doses of laughter.
We mean it in the traditional sense; the Syd Barrett sense; the Jon Bon Jovi sense.
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Strange to think that Amy Winehouse used to win awards, isn’t it? Real awards for being good at music and stuff.
