Time for us to recap X Factor – the show so preposterous that it makes 2012 look like a low-budget Scandinavian arthouse film about lesbians.
As you probably saw last night Miss Frank became the latest contestant to leave X Factor. And it was a shock – specifically because the British public had the chance to forget about Danyl Johnson forever, and they blew it. Idiots.
Anyway, Saturday’s X Factor was Big Band night, which is historically the least unbearable show of the series. So let’s have a little recap, shall we?
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Last night Ricky Loney was eliminated from X Factor. Hopefully you didn’t form a close attachment to him. Oh, of course you didn’t – he was arse-awful.
But aside from that gigantic inevitability, what else happened on X Factor this weekend? Well, Whitney Houston was the guest mentor, so the theme was obviously Diva Night. We heard it was going to be Ludicrous Former Crack-Addict Hasbeens Who Need Weird-Haired Frank Butcher Lookalike Sidekicks To Keep Them Upright, but that was found to be slightly too niche.
Anyway, how did the X Factor contestants do this weekend? Time for that recap you’ve all been waiting for…
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Good news – the X Factor live finals are back! Better news – Kandy Rain were kicked off. Jesus on a stick, they were crap.
But, hey, at least X Factor is back, and keeping current, too – one week after the Strictly Come Dancing racism row, Dannii Minogue decided to kick off an X Factor homophobia row of her own. We can’t wait for Dancing On Ice to return now because, if the pattern holds, Philip Schofield might just say something horrifying about Albanians.
But anyway, how did the X Factor contestants do? Let’s have a wonderful recap, shall we?
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Well, there it is – the 12 X Factor 2009 finalists have been revealed. This is what you’re stuck with until Christmas, folks.
Over the course of three bone-crushingly tedious hours on Saturday and Sunday night, half of the remaining 24 X Factor hopefuls were dispatched. We lost some real contenders along the way – like Daniel Pearce and Nicole Lawrence – but we also lost that crying opera boy too, so it’s not all bad.
So allow us to introduce you to the 12 finalists of X Factor 2009. One of them is going to win, you know. We’re all done for…
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