Do you remember Bumfights, the film where some tramps got paid in alcohol to fight each other on camera?
You don’t? Never mind. Amy Winehouse and Mischa Barton reportedly got into a confrontation in a pub this week, and we can’t help but think that the sight of two scrawny, bleary-eyed, slurring, bad-haired morons screeching abuse at each other while surrounded by booze is the closest anyone will ever get to recreating Bumfights. Only this is worse because Amy Winehouse and Mischa Barton generally look more mannish and homeless than actual homeless men do.
There’s no word on whether or not Amy Winehouse and Mischa Barton patched up their differences following the clash. Hopefully they did, because that’s the only way they’ll ever record the world’s most nightmarishly harrowing amateur lesbian sex tape together. Oh, don’t pretend you didn’t think the same thing.
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You know what this website needs? A story about the minor financial worries of a woman who isn’t famous.
So step forward Mischa Barton. You see, Mischa Barton apparently hasn’t paid her rent for three months, and now her landlord is suing her. It’s hard to find a suitable celebrity comparison to demonstrate just how big a news story this is – imagine if the blonde bloke who used to be on Beverly Hills 90210 gave a deliberately inaccurate gas meter reading or if Topanga from Boy Meets World was caught leaving an unsatisfactory tip at a restaurant.
That’s how big this story is. Only, you know, not quite as big. Mischa Barton, this is the big time.
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Remember Mischa Barton, the hard-partying, hollow-faced DUI arrestee who lost any semblance of normality long ago?
Well guess what? Turns out she’s mentally unwell. Mischa Barton has been placed under a 5150 involuntary psychiatric hold and taken to the same hospital that Britney Spears was after her meltdown last year. It’s thought that action was taken after Mischa made a 911 call.
The good news is that, like Britney Spears, Mischa Barton is now getting the help she clearly needs. The bad news is that, like Britney Spears, she might now make a rubbish album and go on a dead-eyed global tour.
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Good news! Mischa Barton – the thunderingly pointless star of The OC and little else – won't be going to jail for that time she drove around blasted on pot and booze.
According to reports, Mischa Barton decided to enter a no contest plea to her DUI charges, which means her only punishment will be three years' probation, three months of alcohol education classes and a small fine.
On reflection, this is probably the best result Mischa Barton could have hoped for. By avoiding jail, Mischa has freed up a large block of time she's already sworn to spend furthering the advancement of shoddy direct-to-DVD bargain bin movies that no normal person would ever dream of watching. And the world thanks her for that.
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Mischa Barton isn't just that one-time partly famous actress who was in The OC and nothing else at all after that, like you think she is.
No. Because Mischa Barton is also a criminal. That's right – a criminal just like Al Capone and Lil' Kim.
Mischa Barton has just been charged with DUI, driving without a license and pot possession following her arrest just after Christmas. That's bad enough for Mischa Barton, but just imagine how poor Hayden Panettiere feels being the only skinny attention-seeking celebrity not to be charged with driving like some sort of impaired dickwad. Don't worry Hayden! We're on our way! And we're bringing the elephant tranquilisers! You will not be left behind!
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Do you remember Bumfights, the film where some tramps got paid in alcohol to fight each other on camera?
