Prince William knows only too well that being second in line to the throne has its perks.

For instance, when you're going to be King Of England all sorts of lovely young girls routinely throw themselves at you even though you're an uppity rugby tosser with insane male pattern baldness, a near-incomprehensible speaking voice and a face like a pre-kiln Toby jug of an Easter Island statue made by the blind lady from that Lionel Richie video. Plus people let you fly fighter planes.

That's basically what we're getting at - someone's decided to let Prince William fly a fighter plane. That's about it.

There are two things that soldiers enjoy - one is shooting foreigners and the other is watching hungover, coked-out amateur porn stars who used to be on a reality TV show slur out one halfhearted Bonnie Tyler cover version after another.

But that's not going to happen, because an American charity has decided that it doesn't want our new favourite good girl gone bad (or bad girl gone worse? Crap girl gone terrible?) Jessica Sierra to perform at a Washington Christmas tribute concert for US troops on Friday, thanks to her currently being held in custody for violating her parole in an embarrassingly drunk, vomit-stained, sexually-propositioning way, and also because of the imminent internet release of the grubby-looking Jessica Sierra sex tape.

But, undeterred, Jessica Sierra has vowed to help the army out in any way she can despite the concert snub, which is why this week she'll be offering sad-faced handjobs to crooked prison guards in return for donations to the war effort. Possibly.