Articles tagged with: Miley Cyrus
This Just In: Miley Cyrus Is A Legitimately Awful Human
Let's be serious for a moment - if you were the parent of a child like Miley Cyrus, you'd be appalled. Just think of the implications. If you were the father of a child like Miley Cyrus then you, by definition, would be just like Billy Ray Cyrus. And that doesn't even bear thinking about, does it? You'd have to grow a girl's haircut. And a funny little beard that makes your entire face look like a stripper's vagina. It'd be horrible. Oh, and you'd also be appalled because your child would end up being named as the worst celebrity influence of the year, just like Miley Cyrus has.
Let's be serious for a moment - if you were the parent of a child like Miley Cyrus, you'd be appalled. Just think of the implications. If you were the father of a child like Miley Cyrus then you, by definition, would be just like Billy Ray Cyrus. And that doesn't even bear thinking about, does it? You'd have to grow a girl's haircut. And a funny little beard that makes your entire face look like a stripper's vagina. It'd be horrible. Oh, and you'd also be appalled because your child would end up being named as the worst celebrity influence of the year, just like Miley Cyrus has.
Miley Cyrus Ditches Twitter, Refuses To Shut Up About It
The world has a little less Miley Cyrus in it today, and some people are taking that to be a bad thing. People are idiots. Anyway, the reason why there's less Miley Cyrus in the world is because Miley has deleted her Twitter account, and her fans have overreacted so dramatically that Miley has had to use her blog to apologise to everyone. In a way, we can see why everyone is so upset - if Miley Cyrus isn't on Twitter, then which other celebrity Twitter user will regularly upload photos of themselves in various states of inappropriate undress? Elizabeth Taylor, we've never needed you so much.
The world has a little less Miley Cyrus in it today, and some people are taking that to be a bad thing. People are idiots. Anyway, the reason why there's less Miley Cyrus in the world is because Miley has deleted her Twitter account, and her fans have overreacted so dramatically that Miley has had to use her blog to apologise to everyone. In a way, we can see why everyone is so upset - if Miley Cyrus isn't on Twitter, then which other celebrity Twitter user will regularly upload photos of themselves in various states of inappropriate undress? Elizabeth Taylor, we've never needed you so much.
Miley Cyrus Poledances, Entire World Gets Stress-Induced Migraine
A correction - yesterday we said that the Teen Choice Awards were the worst thing on Earth. We were wrong. They're the best thing on Earth. And we have Miley Cyrus to thank. Miley Cyrus performed Party In The USA at the Teen Choice Awards. While poledancing. On an ice cream cart. In a tiny pair of shorts. In front of children. Miley's routine has sparked outrage from parents. They're not concerned that she'll turn their impressionable children into poledancers, though - they're worried that they'll grow up to release a song as woeful as Party In The USA. And rightly so.
A correction - yesterday we said that the Teen Choice Awards were the worst thing on Earth. We were wrong. They're the best thing on Earth. And we have Miley Cyrus to thank. Miley Cyrus performed Party In The USA at the Teen Choice Awards. While poledancing. On an ice cream cart. In a tiny pair of shorts. In front of children. Miley's routine has sparked outrage from parents. They're not concerned that she'll turn their impressionable children into poledancers, though - they're worried that they'll grow up to release a song as woeful as Party In The USA. And rightly so.
Teen Choice Awards Won By… Oh, You Can Probably Guess
Without irony or hyperbole, the Teen Choice Awards sounds like the worst place on the face of the planet. Why? Because Robert Pattinson was there. And The Jonas Brothers were there. And it was held yesterday, in Los Angeles in the summer. And Robert Pattinson and The Jonas Brothers are famed for making teenage girls urinate uncontrollably. And the sun is famed for its ability to evaporate liquid. So put it together and what do you get? Piss clouds. You get thousands of people at the Teen Choice Awards inhaling giant clouds of each other's piss. Plus: Miley Cyrus! Ugh.
Without irony or hyperbole, the Teen Choice Awards sounds like the worst place on the face of the planet. Why? Because Robert Pattinson was there. And The Jonas Brothers were there. And it was held yesterday, in Los Angeles in the summer. And Robert Pattinson and The Jonas Brothers are famed for making teenage girls urinate uncontrollably. And the sun is famed for its ability to evaporate liquid. So put it together and what do you get? Piss clouds. You get thousands of people at the Teen Choice Awards inhaling giant clouds of each other's piss. Plus: Miley Cyrus! Ugh.
Creepy Bloke Charged With Stalking Miley Cyrus, Of All People
Hot news just in! Miley Cyrus has got engaged! To a 53-year-old weirdo called Mark McLeod! In his mind! And nowhere else! And, inevitably, he's just been charged with trying to stalk her! According to reports, Mark McLeod - who's already been arrested for stalking Miley Cyrus once - was caught disobeying police orders by visiting Miley's movie set and asking strangers if they'd seen her. Well, Miley Cyrus does like her men, quite old, doesn't she? But the real question is, what did Mark McLeod see in the ridiculously wealthy and overtly sexual teenager Miley Cyrus? Maybe we'll just never know.
Hot news just in! Miley Cyrus has got engaged! To a 53-year-old weirdo called Mark McLeod! In his mind! And nowhere else! And, inevitably, he's just been charged with trying to stalk her! According to reports, Mark McLeod - who's already been arrested for stalking Miley Cyrus once - was caught disobeying police orders by visiting Miley's movie set and asking strangers if they'd seen her. Well, Miley Cyrus does like her men, quite old, doesn't she? But the real question is, what did Mark McLeod see in the ridiculously wealthy and overtly sexual teenager Miley Cyrus? Maybe we'll just never know.
Hollywood Records; THE Premier Label For Unashamed Whores
Hollywood Records is a label imprint for the Walt Disney Company. Therefore they have a truly horrible roster of ’stars’ like Hayden Panettiere and Vanessa Hudgens. Although I will pretty much listen to any tween piece of crap, some of this stuff is truly bone-chilling. The label pretty much makes its money solely on the premise that if teenagers like to see rubbish actors in movies, they will LOVE hearing them sing. Unfortunately for us, this appears to be true. Basically, being an artist on Hollywood records is like being a chef at McDonalds. Prime examples after the jump...
Hollywood Records is a label imprint for the Walt Disney Company. Therefore they have a truly horrible roster of ’stars’ like Hayden Panettiere and Vanessa Hudgens. Although I will pretty much listen to any tween piece of crap, some of this stuff is truly bone-chilling. The label pretty much makes its money solely on the premise that if teenagers like to see rubbish actors in movies, they will LOVE hearing them sing. Unfortunately for us, this appears to be true. Basically, being an artist on Hollywood records is like being a chef at McDonalds. Prime examples after the jump...
Miley Cyrus Goes Out And Gets Pierced
Kids, eh? It's so hard to watch them grow up. Especially when they're Miley Cyrus. But then again it's always hard to watch her. Miley Cyrus is starting to assert her independence. Until now, Miley had been doing this perfectly normally, like going out with an adult underwear model and being ludicrously rich enough to financially control her entire family, but now she's crossed the line. How? Miley Cyrus has got her nose pierced. So now Miley Cyrus is a punk. We're excited to hear her raw, uncompromising new direction on forthcoming single Let's Have A Punky Pyjama Party (Lalalalala).
Kids, eh? It's so hard to watch them grow up. Especially when they're Miley Cyrus. But then again it's always hard to watch her. Miley Cyrus is starting to assert her independence. Until now, Miley had been doing this perfectly normally, like going out with an adult underwear model and being ludicrously rich enough to financially control her entire family, but now she's crossed the line. How? Miley Cyrus has got her nose pierced. So now Miley Cyrus is a punk. We're excited to hear her raw, uncompromising new direction on forthcoming single Let's Have A Punky Pyjama Party (Lalalalala).
Miley Cyrus Splits With Justin Gaston, Because God Apparently Hates Love
Love is beautiful. Teenage love is magical. The love between a teenage girl and an adult underwear model is, um... Oh, what's the word we're looking for? Creepy? Doomed to failure? Yes, either of those will probably do, actually. Because, readers, we're sorry to report that Miley Cyrus and Justin Gaston - the Posh and Becks of obnoxious teenage millionaires and uncomfortably older, professionally nude men - have split up. It's on Twitter and everything. It's sad news, but it's not completely bad. At least this way we know that Miley Cyrus's next album will sound like bloody Joy Division or something.
Love is beautiful. Teenage love is magical. The love between a teenage girl and an adult underwear model is, um... Oh, what's the word we're looking for? Creepy? Doomed to failure? Yes, either of those will probably do, actually. Because, readers, we're sorry to report that Miley Cyrus and Justin Gaston - the Posh and Becks of obnoxious teenage millionaires and uncomfortably older, professionally nude men - have split up. It's on Twitter and everything. It's sad news, but it's not completely bad. At least this way we know that Miley Cyrus's next album will sound like bloody Joy Division or something.
