Husband in jail, painful cold turkey crack rehabilitation, funny haircut - things are just about as bad as possible for Amy Winehouse at the moment, right?

Nope. Because Mika wants to get in on Amy's plans for a Christmas album.

Mika seems to be under the impression that an Amy Winehouse Christmas album would be much better with him in it because she's Jewish and he's partly related to someone who's been to Lebanon once, or something. But, hey, anything that exposes Mika to a career-threatening hard drug addiction is fine with us.

Take That, the group of four 50-year-old men who get paid to sing the soundtrack to TV ads for low-rent supermarkets - have got a lot of Brit Award nominations.

In fact, all the acts that scooped the most Brit Award nominations are just sugar-free versions of older performers. The three biggest Brit nod-getters were Mika (Freddie Mercury lite), Leona Lewis (Whitney Houston lite) and Take That (Take That lite).

But don't worry - the Brits also had something for you indie kids too. The Eagles are up for Best International Album. That's The Eagles.

Have you heard the news? Boyzone are reforming because they've put aside their differences and not because Take That and the Spice Girls have got rich doing it and nobody cares about Ronan Keating's solo career any more.

Yes, Boyzone - the most famous elderly Irish boyband after Westlife and Murtagh Fitzpatrick And The Clodpoopers - are reforming, but there's a hitch. Boyzone wanted their comeback single to be I Gave It All Away, a song written by inexplicably popular annoyance Mika - but Mika's not having it. That's a good thing, because when a band interprets a songwriter's work, the result is often a brand-new, unique piece of music spliced equally from each party's DNA like a baby - and we can all agree that a part-Mika/ part-Boyzone baby would probably end up looking and sounding a lot like the disfigured genetically-deformed mutant puppy from The Fly II.