Articles tagged with: Mickey Rourke
Top 5 Macho Movie Men In Humiliating Costumes
So you played online poker for three hours and won a sum that a Polish minimum wage employee would snort derisively at. The disappointment you feel could not compare to that of these fine gentlemen of film after learning what the wardrobe department had in store for them. We’ve all had to wear tights for one reason or another in our life, but even the butchest of men struggle to pull off these fashion faux pas. So kick-starting the list is a man who drinks ugly and craps failure...
So you played online poker for three hours and won a sum that a Polish minimum wage employee would snort derisively at. The disappointment you feel could not compare to that of these fine gentlemen of film after learning what the wardrobe department had in store for them. We’ve all had to wear tights for one reason or another in our life, but even the butchest of men struggle to pull off these fashion faux pas. So kick-starting the list is a man who drinks ugly and craps failure...
The Top Five Celebrity Lazaruses
For those of you who were too busy smoking to read The Bible, Lazarus was a bearded taxman who choked on a pound coin and dropped dead in the kitchen, only to be brought back to life moments later by a passing hippy called Jesus Christ Superstar. It's one of the best stories in there. Only narrowly trumped by the one about Charlton Heston making the Statue of Liberty disappear. Anyway, in honour of the legend of Lazarus, we thought it high time to doff a cap at a small handful of famous people who have equally died, only to be brought back to life. Metaphorically speaking.
For those of you who were too busy smoking to read The Bible, Lazarus was a bearded taxman who choked on a pound coin and dropped dead in the kitchen, only to be brought back to life moments later by a passing hippy called Jesus Christ Superstar. It's one of the best stories in there. Only narrowly trumped by the one about Charlton Heston making the Statue of Liberty disappear. Anyway, in honour of the legend of Lazarus, we thought it high time to doff a cap at a small handful of famous people who have equally died, only to be brought back to life. Metaphorically speaking.
Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is
Some good, some bad. Folded: Chuck Norris ‘Action Jeans’ (you so want a pair) The return of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs (yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s great. It is) Iran, dangerous? (nah, it’s bloody lovely there) Eva Green has lived in London for the past two years (why doesn’t somebody tell us these ...
Some good, some bad. Folded: Chuck Norris ‘Action Jeans’ (you so want a pair) The return of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs (yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s great. It is) Iran, dangerous? (nah, it’s bloody lovely there) Eva Green has lived in London for the past two years (why doesn’t somebody tell us these ...
Oscars: Slumdog Millionaire Wins (Yay), Also Sean Penn (Boo)
Oh Oscars, how could you? Up in chihuahua heaven, little Loki Rourke is in floods. Floods. Are you happy now? You'd better be. Because, even though he's won every single other award on the face of the Earth for The Wrestler, the Oscars have just decided to snub Mickey Rourke and give the Best Actor trophy to Sean Penn. Honestly Oscars, when Mickey Rourke goes off the rails again and ends up starring in Sylvester Stallone's Get Carter 2, the blood will be on your hands. Also, Slumdog Millionaire won a bunch of Oscars, which is a great surprise to... oh, nobody.
Oh Oscars, how could you? Up in chihuahua heaven, little Loki Rourke is in floods. Floods. Are you happy now? You'd better be. Because, even though he's won every single other award on the face of the Earth for The Wrestler, the Oscars have just decided to snub Mickey Rourke and give the Best Actor trophy to Sean Penn. Honestly Oscars, when Mickey Rourke goes off the rails again and ends up starring in Sylvester Stallone's Get Carter 2, the blood will be on your hands. Also, Slumdog Millionaire won a bunch of Oscars, which is a great surprise to... oh, nobody.
Mickey Rourke’s Dog Dies, Please React Accordingly
Right, that's it - if Mickey Rourke doesn't win Best Actor at Sunday's Oscars, we're going to tip a table over. Because, oh, the speech. Mickey Rourke's acceptance speech was already going to be a belter, full of the "I had nothing but look at me now" sentiment of his other acceptance speeches - but now it's going to be even better, because Mickey Rourke's dog has died. That means if Mickey Rourke wins his Oscar, we'll all be treated to a wet-faced eulogy for a chihuahua so tortured that it'll make Heath Ledger's obituary seem like an afterthought. We can't wait.
Right, that's it - if Mickey Rourke doesn't win Best Actor at Sunday's Oscars, we're going to tip a table over. Because, oh, the speech. Mickey Rourke's acceptance speech was already going to be a belter, full of the "I had nothing but look at me now" sentiment of his other acceptance speeches - but now it's going to be even better, because Mickey Rourke's dog has died. That means if Mickey Rourke wins his Oscar, we'll all be treated to a wet-faced eulogy for a chihuahua so tortured that it'll make Heath Ledger's obituary seem like an afterthought. We can't wait.
Mickey Rourke Won’t Be Beaten To Mush At Wrestlemania Now
The last time Mickey Rourke put aside acting to focus on professional fighting, it ended as badly as you'd imagine. It ended with Sylvester Stallone's Get Carter remake. Ugh. But Mickey Rourke isn't a man who repeats his mistakes - apart from the mistake involving him having haphazard cosmetic surgery procedure done on his face. And that's why Mickey Rourke has decided he'll no longer fight at April's Wrestlemania. We're appalled. Without Mickey Rourke, who at Wrestlemania will provide our fill of tragic, borderline-decrepit ageing beefcakes who essentially make their living as performing monkeys? All the other wrestlers? Oh.
The last time Mickey Rourke put aside acting to focus on professional fighting, it ended as badly as you'd imagine. It ended with Sylvester Stallone's Get Carter remake. Ugh. But Mickey Rourke isn't a man who repeats his mistakes - apart from the mistake involving him having haphazard cosmetic surgery procedure done on his face. And that's why Mickey Rourke has decided he'll no longer fight at April's Wrestlemania. We're appalled. Without Mickey Rourke, who at Wrestlemania will provide our fill of tragic, borderline-decrepit ageing beefcakes who essentially make their living as performing monkeys? All the other wrestlers? Oh.
Mickey Rourke: The Wrestler Wrestles Wrestlers At Wrestlemania
Some would say that Mickey Rourke's face looks like an uncooked hamburger patty that's been trampled by a marching band. But not us. We'd say that Mickey Rourke's face doesn't look enough like an uncooked hamburger patty that's been trampled by a marching band. And we think Mickey Rourke agrees with us. Why? Because it's been hinted that Mickey Rourke - from The Wrestler, remember - will wrestle Chris Jericho at Wrestlemania in April. One-sided? Relax! After Wrestlemania there's going to be a rematch to see who can sob the most incoherently on a beach, a bout that Rourke will easily win.
Some would say that Mickey Rourke's face looks like an uncooked hamburger patty that's been trampled by a marching band. But not us. We'd say that Mickey Rourke's face doesn't look enough like an uncooked hamburger patty that's been trampled by a marching band. And we think Mickey Rourke agrees with us. Why? Because it's been hinted that Mickey Rourke - from The Wrestler, remember - will wrestle Chris Jericho at Wrestlemania in April. One-sided? Relax! After Wrestlemania there's going to be a rematch to see who can sob the most incoherently on a beach, a bout that Rourke will easily win.
Mickey Rourke Vows To Hack Off Every Dog Testicle On Earth
As a newly-resurgent box office force, Mickey Rourke can now use his fame to raise awareness of anything he likes. So he has. And what good cause has Mickey Rourke chosen to promote? Why, the unnecessary proliferation of dog testicles. Mickey Rourke has taken part in a PETA campaign to urge dog owners to neuter their pets. Mickey says this is to stop the murder of millions of unwanted puppies each year, but we think differently - we think Mickey Rourke uses mashed-up dog testicles as a facial filler to mask his weird plastic surgery and that he's on a stockpile drive.
As a newly-resurgent box office force, Mickey Rourke can now use his fame to raise awareness of anything he likes. So he has. And what good cause has Mickey Rourke chosen to promote? Why, the unnecessary proliferation of dog testicles. Mickey Rourke has taken part in a PETA campaign to urge dog owners to neuter their pets. Mickey says this is to stop the murder of millions of unwanted puppies each year, but we think differently - we think Mickey Rourke uses mashed-up dog testicles as a facial filler to mask his weird plastic surgery and that he's on a stockpile drive.
