Mick Jagger - HecklerSpray

10 Celebrity Couples I Wish Were Still Together

May 4th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

I am someone who fucking hates change. It kills me a little bit and I have a lot of trouble letting go. I (sadly) especially have a lot of trouble when my favourite celebrity couples break-up. It makes me a feel like a child of divorce, which I understand is weird and probably not healthy.

Over the years many celeb couples have captured my heart and even though they’ve split and moved on and seem perfectly fine in their new lives and with their new significant others, part of me just can’t let go of the sexy famous love that once was. Spoiler alert: You know Britney and Justin will be on this list.

Top 10 Most Absurd Celebrity Crap Sold For Ridiculous Amounts of Money

September 3rd, 2013 By Chris Chambers

Mick Jagger’s hair clippings were sold at auction last week for $6,000. Now, you have to wonder about?a person who will spend thousands of dollars for a celebrity’s hair clippings.?Mick?is a legend, obviously,?and I love him?as much as anyone, but I wouldn’t pay $6 for his nasty split ends, much less $6,000.?And what about?$100,000?for a half-eaten piece of toast? It’s pretty fucking troubling.

Of course, there are varying degrees of consumer perversity involved. Some of the auctioned?items on this particular list?were willingly provided by the celebrities and the?proceeds given to charities. And that’s nice, it really is, but it doesn’t answer the question of what kind of fucking weirdo wants Scarlett Johansson’s boogery tissue? Even if you got it for free, why would you want it? She’s lovely, yes, but snot is snot and it’s all gross, no matter how lovely the nose from which it was ejected.

Stupid Celebrities Love Getting Naked for Fish

October 16th, 2012 By Chris Starr

So this is Lizzy Jagger, daughter of Mick, straddling a giant tuna as if it were a chivalric steed. What the fuck is happening here, you may be asking yourself. It’s the everyday life of a celebrity, duh. This is what they do with themselves when the rest of us are clocking in at factories and clocking out at the bars.

Somehow this sort of thing gets classed as ‘philanthropy’, which last time I checked didn’t mean getting your boobs out for a good cause. But maybe celebrities have a special dictionary or something.

Mick Jagger Hates David Cameron But Likes Counting Beans

January 25th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Mick Jagger, a man with a face like a thousand ballsacks, is no political football! Nosiree! He doesn’t like to be aligned to any party, mainly because he knows that its not in his interests to side with anyone, lest he lose a bunch of fans.

With that, he doesn’t like Prime Minister David Cameron trying to rim him for public favour.

See, Davey Boy Cameron invited Mick Jagger (with all that swagger, whatever that means these days) to an event in?Switzerland. The event was about economics. Or, if you prefer, everyone out there was opening bank accounts so they don’t have to pay their taxes. That’s precisely what was going on.

Annie Lennox Shares Stress Relieving Tips (Note: Dave Stewart Is No Longer In Her Life)

November 15th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Imagine being Annie Lennox. Just think of that for a moment. Gah. It’s rubbish isn’t it? Just think, looking at Annie Lennox’s face in the mirror. Imagine hearing that voice coming out every time you spoke.

Imagine people saying “Hello Annie Lennox” at you. It’s enough to make you want to die.

Annie Lennox has noticed this too, opening up about her battle with panic attacks thanks to being Annie Lennox. However, she’s decided to share some tips with us all about getting over stress, panic and anxiety. You’ll notice that her life is a lot less Dave Stewart based these days, so we suspect the main tip would be “don’t ever work with Dave Stewart – have you heard that terrible cod-reggae album he’s made with Mick Jagger and Joss Stone?”

SuperHeavy, The Collab With Jagger, Joss Stone, Dave Stewart And Damien Marley, Invents Ear Vomit

August 7th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Oh dear GOD! SuperHeavy – the collaboration between Mick Jagger and Eurythmics founder Dave Stewart, alongside Joss Stone, Damien Marley and Oscar-winning composer A.R. Rahman, wasn’t a sick joke after all.

See, it’s obvious what’s going on here. We’re dealing with the folly of the jet set. They’ve looked at absolutely everything they like and thrown it all in the same pot.

It’s like someone offering you a plate with all your favourite food on. Imagine a mixture of fish ‘n’ chips, a hamburger, apple pie, a cup of tea, blue cheese, Coco Pops, gumbo, bacon, 4 pints of beer and a punnet of strawberries all blitzed in a blender and offered to you as something worth downing.

The Rolling Stones Still Won’t Retire, The Sods

May 25th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

Some Rolling Stones facts for you: 1) The Rolling Stones have a combined age of just over three million.

2) Mick Jagger was friends with Moses. 3) Approximately 85% of The Rolling Stones is gristle, making it unlikely that they’ll ever be turned into sausages. But despite being so old that they now legitimately look like a bunch of ghost transvestites, The Rolling Stones are still refusing to split up.

The band have angrily denied Australian reports that drummer Charlie Watts will no longer tour as part of The Rolling Stones. They say that Charlie Watts’s drumming is as integral to the band’s sound as Mick’s howl, Keith’s licks and the general screeching grind of osteoporosis that can be heard whenever the three of them get together and move in unison. Or something.

Mick Jagger Almost Murdered: This Just In From 1969

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Hot news from almost four decades ago – some men on motorbikes thought about killing Mick Jagger once.

According to a BBC documentary, some Hell's Angels tried sailing a boat to Mick Jagger's house to kill him in 1969, but they were crap at sailing and all got thrown overboard so they just decided to go home again.

We know, we know. Deep breaths. As shocking as it when a public figure is murdered with no warning, it pales into insignificance when compared to when a man doesn't get murdered without warning. In fact, right now, just this second, we didn't get murdered either. And there was no warning. Hecklerspray: officially the Mick Jagger of the internet. In one hopelessly tenuous way.