In fairness to Michelle Williams, she really does have a brilliant haircut. However, you don’t want to hear us being nice about a woman’s barnet. You want us to be snarky and nasty. Don’t worry reader, it’s coming.

See, as good as Williams’ hairdo is, it’s still weird. Chilling in fact.

You see, her hair isn’t a fashion statement. She’s not thinking ‘Hell, I really like this Mia Farrow thing I’ve got going on‘, but rather, her hair is a memorial. You heard. It’s a tribute to the dead. She’s got corpse loving hair.

Apparently, Williams’ daughter – Matilda – wants her to grow her hair, but that’s not happening. Even if Matilda waltzes in fury about it, pounding her tiny little fists on her giant bed, shouting ‘…BUT ALL THE OTHER MOMS HAVE LONG LADY HAIR! NOT LIKE YOU AND YOUR SHORT BOY HAIR! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE YOU!’

That’s how celebrity offspring talk, isn’t it?

However, Michelle has an immense guilt-trip to beat all tantrums.

In an interview with Elle, Michelle said that the only people that like her haircut are “gay men and my girlfriends” and that straight men “across the board are not into this hair!”

She explains:

“I cut it for the one straight man who has ever liked short hair, and I wear it in memorial of somebody who really loved it…”

She’s talking about Heath Ledger. Remember that guy? He died and instantly became a much better actor.

“I feel like myself with short hair. And it’s been a really long time since I had long hair, five years.”

“What Matilda would love is for her mum to grow out the cropped hair. Though that’s unlikely to happen any time soon.”

GOT THAT? She’s still grieving AND she has a cool haircut.

NOW RACK OFF.

Unless you’re pointing out that she is happy to cover her touching tribute with a wig when she’s playing Marilyn Monroe, in which case, SHUT UP ANYWAY.

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Marilyn Monroe is a godsend for people who can’t be truly bothered to think of someone who is really beautiful. She’s short-hand for good looking and, mercifully for her legacy, she died too young so we didn’t get to see the ravages of time mess up that face of hers.

Of course, Monroe was quite the wit too, helping thousands of lazy people to avoid thinking of their own excuses for being flaky, and so they simply cut and paste ‘I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best,’ on to their terrible blogs.

And now, we’re about to get Monroemania all over again as the promo for Michelle Williams turn as Norma Jean begins with the trailer for ‘My Week With Marilyn’… and yep, we’ve got the trailer over the hump. Can Williams pull it off?

Tackling one of the most famous actresses who ever lived is no easy task, but if there’s Oscars to be had, then Williams will be in with a shout as Hollywood saps totally buy into the notion that Williams totally knows the trials and pain of Marilyn’s broken heart, what with Heath Ledger dying on her.

It’s tragedy wrapped in frailty, with Monroe being passed off as some kind of damaged little thing, like some kind of Blanche Dubois from A Streetcar Named Desire.

It can’t lose, can it?

And so, all that’s left to judge is whether Michelle Williams looks enough like the star (she does) and whether she wiggles, walks and talks like her (ummm, we’ll see).

If she can pull it off, she’s in for a smash.

Anyway, here’s the trailer. Watch it and make your own minds up. We’re not wiping your rears for you all day, y’know?

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When you were a child, chances are that your dreams of an older you revolved around being an astronaut, a surgeon, a model or something astonishingly vapid which, rightly, saw you roundly mocked by adults when you went to bed.

However, if you’re Michelle Williams, your dream was to attack Mike Tyson in the face ’til bits of it broke off.

That’s right, the Brokeback actress has ‘fessed up that, when she was a smaller version of herself, her dream was to be a professional boxer so she could take on the former heavyweight champion of the world. If his court cases are anything to go off, he may well have been up for battering a girl in the ring.

You heard.

Williams, also a former member of RnB combo Destiny’s Child, wanted to be a boxer when she was little and dreamt about putting some gloves on and continually punching someone until they were unconscious.

She said:

“First I wanted to be a boxer. I don’t know why but I wanted to fight Mike Tyson. That was the dream.”

Thankfully, that nice face of hers remained unpunched as she became an actress. Which you knew, but we need to include things like that to lead to the next section of the article.

Instead, when she was 15, she ran away to become an actress and ended up in maudlin, soul-searchathon, Dawson’s Creek.

“I started doing plays when I was eight. I always wanted to act. At 16, I moved away to Los Angeles. [Emancipation] is basically like divorcing them. You have to prove that you are emotionally and financially stable and independent. You have to have graduated high school and you have to prove that you can live alone.

“I did one commercial at first every six months and that was enough.”

And now she’s all set to play Marilyn Monroe in ‘My Week with Marilyn’ and all that junk.

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When Heath Ledger died, many people became fans of his. Its always the way it works. You can either assume that people don’t know what they had ’til it vanishes, or that human beings are horrendous grief mongers who just love a bit of tragedy in their lives.

There’s no question that Ledger was a reasonably talented actor and, perhaps more pertinently, was a well assembled chap… so when he shrugged off his mortal bonery, it was always going to bring people out of the woodwork, screaming and crying headlong into busy traffic.

And almost three years after Ledger’s death, his former beau Michelle Williams is still trying to make sense of it. And we’re now trying to make sense of what she’s talking about.

Talking to ABCs Nightline, she said:

“I’ve found meanings around the circumstance, but the actual event itself still doesn’t … “

“I can’t find a meaning for it. I can find meanings in things and people and relationships that have sprung up and friendships that have strengthened. I can find a lot of meaning in that, but not in why.”

This is the first time Williams has really talked about Ledger’s passing after he was found all dead and that in his New York apartment from what police thunk was an accidental overdose of a variety of prescription drugs.

The year that followed his death was weird for Williams

“In a strange way, I miss that year, because all those possibilities that existed then are gone”

Anyone? The answer for that is ‘Bilderberg Group’.

It seems that a book is to blame for this strange string of words that are babbling from her mouth. She’s been reading Joan Didion’s ‘The Year of Magical Thinking’.

“It didn’t seem unlikely to me that he could walk through a door or could appear behind a bush. It was a year of very magical thinking, and in some ways I’m sad to be moving further and further away from it. … I know I got kind of obsessed with that for a while, the before and after. A lot of things died. … There’s a line from a book that gave me so much comfort and it said, ‘When you’ve truly lost everything, then at least you can become rich in loss.’ “

The answer for that is ‘Summer Solstace’. We think.

Anyway, we know grief is a strange thing that can make your brain go weird, but this might be the first time it has turn a celebrity into a particularly difficult cryptic crossword.

If you work out the answers, send them in to hecklerspray and you can win a free subscription to the site for a year.

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Remember Michelle Williams? Of course you do. She was ‘Young Sil’ off of ‘Species’. No? What about ‘Minor Character’ from Dawson’s Creek that you only saw on Sunday morning whilst a bit hung-over? No? Oh well. She’s doing quite well now and will be appearing as Marilyn Monroe in a new film that absolutely no-one will watch because it sounds completely dreadful.

‘My Week With Marilyn’ will open to no acclaim at all, interesting only the three people who read ‘Sight & Sound’ as it sounds like the most ‘niche’ film ever. We’re not suggesting the following story is the result of blind desperation on the part of devious PR companies by the way.

Apparently Monroe – who we might repeat is long dead – approached her representative on Earth and gave full endorsement to ‘her-off-of-Dawson’s-Creek’. Despite being dead.

With one caveat she ‘joked’. Yes, the thoroughly-dead starlet is not above a joke or two. Despite being completely dead.

Marilyn ‘Dead’ Monroe has contacted her ‘longtime Hollywood psychic’ Kenny Kingston and informed him of the earth-shattering news that she:

“Gave her stamp of approval to Michelle Williams. She suggests that Michelle should always wear a bit of red while filming, for good luck, energy and safety.”

“She told me that even though they did not get along well in life, Marilyn, Vivien Leigh and Lord Olivier are now friendly on the other side.

“In fact, they visit the set of My Week with Marilyn frequently. Marilyn and Vivien are guiding Michelle Williams and Julia Ormond, who portray them in the new film.

“I think I should be named technical advisor on the film.”

Jks.

Kenny ‘Kenny’ Kingston was not available for comment as we didn’t bother phoning him, but we’re pretty sure he doesn’t have next week’s lottery numbers so don’t ask if you get hold of him.

We’re guessing that really annoys him.

Co-producer BBC Films also had no comment on the matter due to similar reasons, but we’re pretty sure they will not be giving a ‘technical credit’ to A DEAD PERSON. No matter how much she demands it from beyond the grave via a man happy to be called ‘Kenny’.

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Strictly Come Dancing or X Factor? It’s a question that’s divided the nation. You have to prefer one.

You have to. Even though deep down you realise that they’re both a bit insultingly crap. Anyway, if you prefer Strictly Come Dancing, today is your lucky day – the list of celebrity participants for this year’s series have just been announced. And if you like painfully long lists of people you don’t really recognise, then you’re about to be catapulted into heaven.

So here are the 2010 Strictly Come Dancing participants. Remember, some of these celebrities will be good at dancing, and some will be rubbish at dancing, and at least one will end up getting off with their professional dancer. But who? Well, Patsy Kensit, obviously. But we’ve already said too much. After the jump…

Matt Baker – Former Blue Peter presenter. Behaves identically to Tom Hanks in Big, which is as creepy as it is endearing.

Paul Daniels – 72-year-old midget conjurer. FUN FACT: Paul Daniels once had to go to hospital because his pee-hole started to heal up.

Goldie -A man who used to be cool but would now put on a tutu and knit fairies on Channel Five if a reality TV show offered him enough money.

Jimmi Mistry – Star of East Is East. The fact he’s being touted as ‘star of East Is East‘ should be proof that he’s not really the star of anything any more.

Scott Maslen – The one from EastEnders who had the most amount of trouble saying identifiable words during the live episode. Good job that moving all of your limbs with grace and split-second precision on live TV is easier than saying the words “It’s a motive” in the right order on live TV then, huh?

Peter Shilton - Former England goalkeeper. Hopefully Peter will replicate David Seaman‘s Dancing On Ice performance, and bludgeon his way through about six quivering,concussed partners. Fingers crossed, anyway.

Gavin Henson – Bright orange rugby idiot. Used to be married to Charlotte Church. Will adapt to ballroom dancing with such obvious glee that it’ll be sort of uncomfortable to watch.

Patsy Kensit – Ex-wife of every single celebrity ever. Future girlfriend of whoever gets to be her partner. Mark our words.

Kara Tointon – A woman who left EastEnders in order to turn up in newspapers once every six weeks wearing a bra. That’s about it.

Felicity Kendall – This year’s token older lady who everyone will fancy, and then let this fact go to her head, and then overdo it a bit, and then be eliminated from the show in early November.

Pamela Stephenson – Billy Connolly‘s wife. Psychologist. That’s about it.

Tina O’Brien – Either current or former Coronation Street star. We don’t bloody know. We don’t watch Coronation Street and we can’t be bothered to look it up.

Michelle Williams – The woman from Destiny’s Child. No, not that one. Or that one. The other one. Yes, there was another one. There was. There bloody was! Don’t look at us like that, there was definitely a third member of Destiny’s Child. There was. Oh, you people.

Anne Widdecombe - That fact that we’re currently vomiting, pooing, weeing, pulling our hair and punching ourselves in the face as hard as we can all at the same time prevents us from penning a description of what Anne Widdecombe will be like on Strictly Come Dancing. Sorry.

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People miss Heath Ledger for several reasons – because he won’t be in Batman again or, if you’re odd, because he’ll never make The Patriot 2.

But Michelle Williams has probably the most genuine reason for missing Heath Ledger – not only was she engaged to him, but she also gave birth to his daughter. And because of this, it’s apparent that Michelle Williams is still having trouble coming to terms with Heath Ledger’s death.

In a recent interview with Newsweek, Michelle Williams broke down upon hearing Heath Ledger’s name, telling her interviewer that her grief is only getting worse over time. Warning: the following probably isn’t going to have too many jokes in it…

We’re all going to be hearing a lot more about Heath Ledger in the coming weeks and months. He may have died early this year after accidentally overdosing on prescription medication, but thanks to his turn as The Joker in The Dark Knight, Heath Ledger is going to be all over the place in the run-up to the Oscars.

Variety is already running ‘for your consideration’ adverts mostly of Heath Ledger’s giant face in an attempt to win him the Best Supporting Actor Oscar he’s been linked to since almost the day of his death. And, with The Dark Knight‘s DVD release and Oscar-friendly theatrical re-release in January, Heath Ledger is going to be rammed into our faces for some time to come yet.

For casual fans that’s bad enough – the last thing anyone wants is for his turn as The Joker to have the life analysed out of it – but it’s probably even worse for Michelle Williams, Heath Ledger’s ex and the mother of, possibly, his only child. Although they split up last September, Michelle Williams is still finding it hard to deal with Heath Ledger’s death, as The Boston Herald reports:

“It’s so sad. I just wake up each day in a slightly different place . . . grief is like a moving river.” Although the two “Brokeback Mountain” stars had split before Ledger’s death, they remained close. “It’s a strange thing to say, because I’m at heart an optimistic person, but I would say in some ways it just gets worse,” she said. “It’s just that the more time that passes, the more you miss someone.”

It’s sad, but in time Michelle Williams will learn to appreciate the positives from all this. For instance, although it might sting to be known as Heath Ledger’s semi-widow at the moment, in years to come she’ll be thankful that at least she wasn’t known as Michelle Williams from that crappy Ewan McGregor film that nobody watched.

And if Heath Ledger hadn’t died at a tragically young age, would her daughter Matilda still be named as the seventh hottest tot in Hollywood by Forbes magazine? No, no she wouldn’t. But she is now. In your face, eighth-place Madonna’s adopted African kid!

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