In each year's Eurovision Song Contest, there's always one bland-looking middle-aged man singing a hopelessly generic, instantly forgettable disco tune with '16th place' written all over it.
And this year it's us.
Andy Abraham, an X Factor runner-up from 2005, won Eurovision: Your Decision on Saturday night, which means he'll be representing us at the Eurovision Song Contest in May with his song Even If. And that would be fine, except that a) everyone involved in the show obviously wanted Michelle Gayle to win, and b) Andy Abraham's song is a big sack of donkey bollocks. Honestly, not a single homosexual blowjob joke. Who do these people think we are?
