Like many people, we wish the world was perfect. Because that way there’d be nothing left for Michael Moore to bleat on about.

You may have noticed that throughout the recent catastrophic financial meltdown, Michael Moore has been uncharacteristically quiet. Why? Has he been reinforcing the walls and grounds of his gigantic mansion to keep the poor people out when they start rioting? No, silly – instead Michael Moore has been quietly beavering away on a feature documentary all about the economic collapse.

Just a hunch here, but we get the impression that Michael Moore will think it’s bad.

The world is in a bad place at the moment. Mass redundancies, paycuts, home foreclosures, entire industries going up against the wall and – worst of all – Pick N Mix being sold in WH Smith instead of Woolworths. It’s a scary time, and nobody knows what caused it.

Oh, no, wait. Wait, yes we do what caused it. Everyone knows what caused it – it was a basically down to a proliferation of subprime lending. But just because we all know what caused the financial crisis, it doesn’t mean that we don’t want it explained to us by a condescending millionaire with a weight problem and a fetish for library footage.

So it’s a good job that Michael Moore has realised this – he’s decided to make a film all about the whole mucky affair. Reuters reports:

Firebrand filmmaker Michael Moore is now focusing on the global economic meltdown. “The wealthy, at some point, decided they didn’t have enough wealth,” a statement quoted Moore as saying. “They wanted more — a lot more. So they systematically set about to fleece the American people out of their hard-earned money. Now, why would they do this? That is what I seek to discover in this movie.”

We’ll have to wait until October to see exactly what Michael Moore has planned for his movie about the economic crisis, but if his last few films are anything to go by, we can expect to see at least one of the following at some point:

* A sad-faced old man, possibly an ex-soldier, who doesn’t even have a house any more.

* Countless stock footage scenes of Wall Street bankers accompanied by hilarious circus music.

* A climax involving Michael Moore standing outside shouting at the first floor of a corporate building.

* Several very good points made in such a reactionary blowhard way that that you end up somehow rooting for the corrupt bankers and hoping they screw the entire world out of every penny it’s ever made.

* A scene where Michael Moore goes to discover how Cuba is faring with the economic meltdown, only to find that everyone there has a speedboat and three pet unicorns, and all the houses are made of butterscotch, and you start pissing diamonds the second you get there.

Or maybe we’re being hard on Michael Moore. We’ll just have to wait until October to see what his film has in store. Except that by October nobody will have the money to see a film about a subject they’re already preposterously well-versed in, and the entire film industry will collapse and we’ll all be living in forests killing each other with rocks for meat.

But aside from all that, good luck Michael Moore! We believe in you!

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

Why that’s just great, because Michael Moore’s new movie Slacker Uprising is now available to view for free on the internet, provided that you’re American and literally have nothing better to do with your time.

Slacker Uprising is, of course, Michael Moore’s way of urging the young voters of America to wake up and vote in the coming general election. Well, at least that’s what he says. It’s clearly Michael Moore’s way of urging young voters to vote Democrat, otherwise it wouldn’t be called Slacker Uprising. If he wanted people to vote Republican he would’ve called it something else, like Hey You! Get Off My Yacht! My Father Owns This Bay, You Dirty Mexican!

We can’t wait for the American general election to be over, because everything’s getting so bloody politicised at the moment. Celebrities are talking politics, the MTV VMAs were absurdly political and we’re pretty sure that the last episode of Sesame Street we watched was brought to us by the letter K and the concept of off-shore drilling.

What makes us most angry about this is that all everyone’s sudden interest in politics is effectively taking food from Michael Moore’s table. Now, admittedly Michael Moore could probably do with eating a bit less anyway, but that isn’t the point.

The point is this: politics is Michael Moore’s thing. When Michael Moore is angered by something political, he makes a movie about it and the problem goes away, like when George Bush didn’t get reelected after Fahrenheit 911 or when all medicine was banned after Sicko.

So, to remind everyone that actually he’s the one who invented politics in the first place, Michael Moore has decided to release his new movie for free online.

Entitled Slacker Uprising, the film follows Michael Moore’s 2004 college tour, where he shouted the word ‘vote’ at lecture halls full of students for three hours, threw a packet of noodles at someone and then brought on Michael Stipe to silently nod until everyone got a bit freaked out and sort of politely tried to edge towards the door. Or, as The Washington Post puts it:

The 97-minute flick, as subtle as a sledgehammer, is Moore’s account of his barnstorming tour of the country in advance of the 2004 presidential election, an effort undertaken to “save John Kerry and the Democrats from themselves.” Its message to Democrats in 2008 — implicit, but screamingly so — is, don’t let this happen again.

Anyway, Michael Moore’s Slacker Uprising is now available to watch for free online at Slackeruprising.com, provided you live in North America. Since we don’t, we haven’t got a clue if the film’s any good or not. That’s why, if you’re American, we want you to watch Slacker Uprising and then explain it to all us non-Americans below in exactly five words. Or an emoticon.

Nothing too taxing, please. We wouldn’t want to to think we actually care about any of this.

You do? Then does Michael Moore have a treat for you! What with this being an election year, it’s Michael Moore’s duty to ram hectoring, boorish, borderline propagandaish political information down everyone’s throats until they literally fart tedium. Only this time, he’s going to do it for free.

Michael Moore has announced that his fans can watch his new movie Slacker Uprising for free on the internet. Provided they do it in a designated three-week window and live in North America, that is. If this doesn’t include you, don’t get upset – you can probably achieve the same effect by going up to a fat tramp and getting him to whine about the government for a couple of hours and then shout at a building through a megaphone.

As things stand, there’s quite a big chance that America won’t have a Republican president by next year. And, as such, there’s quite a big chance that Michael Moore will be out of a job.

Michael Moore’s really come into his own over the last eight years by churning out films and books all about the various ways that the Republicans have narked him off, so if Barack Obama gets into power he’ll be reduced to making documentaries about kittens and writing books called I Essentially Agree With Everything Now: The Dumb Noddings Of Michael Moore.

So, on the off-chance that happens, Michael Moore needs to go out with a bang. But not the old sort of Michael Moore bang – the sort where he’d deliberately break the law and then bitch about it for months after – this time Michael Moore wants to go out on a completely new type of bang.

That’s right – Michael Moore’s doing a Radiohead.

Not literally, obviously – Michael Moore isn’t going to make one of his eyes go all squinty and wail about existential alienation in a manner that depresses a teenagers – but he is going to give his new film away for free on the internet. BBC News reports:

Oscar winner Michael Moore is to release his latest documentary free of charge on the internet. Slacker Uprising will be available as a download to North American viewers for three weeks from 23 September. Moore said he had considered a cinematic release to coincide with the current presidential race, but decided the internet would best “help get the vote out for November”.

And, if you don’t live in America, plan to observe the three-week Karlstad treaty memorial internet boycott that starts on September 23 or just don’t like Michael Moore very much, here’s the closest you’ll ever get to Slacker Uprising – the trailer…

Clever huh? It looks to us like Michael Moore spent all that money filming his political tour of America but couldn’t really release it as a film afterwards because everyone ended up voting for George Bush – ultimately making the tour a failure – only to later realise he could pin it to Barack Obama’s upsurge in popularity and make it look as if he invented getting young people to vote all along. But we could be wrong.

Either way, it’s nice to be given stuff for free – even if we’re not geographically allowed to watch the poxy thing anyway – so just imagine how much nicer it would be if the film was about something other than two hours of people congratulating Michael Moore for being such a bloody decent person.

According to reports, Michael Moore is preparing ground to make a sequel to his 2004 anti-George Bush documentary Fahrenheit 9/11. The new movie has a working title of Fahrenheit 9/11 1/2, although it’s expected that Michael Moore will formally change it to Fahrenheit 9/11: Nyer Nyer Nyer I Was Right All Along Let’s Hear It For Michael Moore I’m The Best I’m The Best nearer the release date.

Anyway, will this new Michael Moore documentary succeed where Fahrenheit 9/11 failed and push George Bush out of office for good? Even better than that – George Bush is going to stop being president about six months before Moore’s film is released. Hooray! Another righteous victory for Michael Moore!

You might think that this is a good time to be Michael Moore what with the impending election and the ongoing Iraq war and whatnot, but it really isn’t. There’s a fairly strong chance that either a woman or a black man will become the next president of America, bringing with them a sweeping agenda of Democrat-based reform. And the second that happens, Michael Moore is effed.

Michael Moore has made a career out of ranting at the American government, about everything from gun control to its lack of universal healthcare to what a shit George Bush is. But if a Democrat is elected president in November, all the things Michael Moore likes to bitch about might just be fixed. It’s a scary prospect, and it leaves Michael Moore with two options:

1) He could start making bombastic, suspiciously-edited, simultaneously doomy and patronising documentaries about whatever irks him the most in a post-Bush world, like Is It Me Or Did Cadbury’s Creme Eggs Used To Be Bigger? and The Woman In Front Of Me In The Post Office Queue Smells Vaguely Like Dog Food, or

2) He could just keep making films about what a crap president George Bush was.

Guess which one he’s going to do. Go on, guess. OK, here’s the Los Angeles Times to tell you:

Michael Moore is plotting a follow-up to his 2004 documentary “Fahrenheit 9/11.” Although the film is being kept under wraps, it is said that Moore plans to pick up where he left off four years ago, to examine the fallout from  eight years of the  Bush administration’s policies. Moore is beginning production on the documentary “immediately,” according to studio reps. Moore’s follow-up to “Fahrenheit 9/11,” referred to informally in some circles as “Fahrenheit 9/11 1/2,” is expected to be released in mid-2009.

What with Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11 sequel and Oliver Stone’s George Bush biopic, it seems like we’re going to be inundated with movies showing us all the ways that George Bush messed everything up pretty soon. Which is more than Jimmy Carter ever got. Eat that, Carter.

Of course, what’ll be most interesting to see is what Michael Moore does after this Fahrenheit 9/11 sequel. George Bush has been good business for him, so it hardly makes economic sense for Michael Moore to shut down that avenue entirely – especially when Bush looks set to leave such a suspect legacy behind him.

So here’s to Michael Moore quickly making Fahrenheit 9/11 2, Fahrenheit 9/11 3 and the direct-to-DVD Fahrenheit 9/11 4: He Never Even Rinsed Out The Sink After Shaving Either, The Bastard as soon as possible.

Read more:

Cannes ‘08: Michael Moore plots sequel to ‘Fahrenheit 9/11′ – LA Times