Articles tagged with: Michael Lohan
Lindsay Lohan’s Ma & Pa Now Attention-Seeking In Court
Lindsay Lohan may have the age and profound emotional maturity to function away from her parents, but she's not the only Lohan kid. Sadly Michael Lohan and Dina Lohan managed to find a couple of synchronised windows between all those prison sentences and rampantly selfish partying to fit a bunch more pregnancies in after Lindsay. And, since Michael Lohan and Dina Lohan have since divorced, it's time for some petty court-based squabbling. Michael and Dina Lohan have been in court arguing over custody of their kids Ali and Dakota. It's an important time for those little darlings - who'll be their primary guardian? The woman who whores them through reality TV shows or the man who slags them off in print for being whored through reality TV shows? Who are we kidding, those lucky kids win either way!
Lindsay Lohan may have the age and profound emotional maturity to function away from her parents, but she's not the only Lohan kid. Sadly Michael Lohan and Dina Lohan managed to find a couple of synchronised windows between all those prison sentences and rampantly selfish partying to fit a bunch more pregnancies in after Lindsay. And, since Michael Lohan and Dina Lohan have since divorced, it's time for some petty court-based squabbling. Michael and Dina Lohan have been in court arguing over custody of their kids Ali and Dakota. It's an important time for those little darlings - who'll be their primary guardian? The woman who whores them through reality TV shows or the man who slags them off in print for being whored through reality TV shows? Who are we kidding, those lucky kids win either way!
Lindsay Lohan’s Dad: “Lindsay’s A Lesbian Now? Cool”
Now that Lindsay Lohan's had her tongue surgically grafted to the inside of Samantha Ronson's ear, nobody seems too sure about how much of a lesbian she is. But if anyone's going to know all the intimate details of Lindsay Lohan's new sapphic endeavours, it's bound to be Michael Lohan - Lindsay's born-again christian ex-convict of an absentee father. So tell us, Michael Lohan - is Lindsay Lohan a gigantic lesbian these days, or is she still big on penis? What's that? You originally said that Lindsay Lohan was a lesbian, but now you're backtracking furiously because you secretly suspect that your big mouth is widening the gulf between you and your daughter and you're trying to be as nondescript as possible to cover for the fact that Lindsay Lohan never tells you anything because you're yet to regain her trust despite several attempts on your part? Why, that doesn't help at all. Sheesh.
Now that Lindsay Lohan's had her tongue surgically grafted to the inside of Samantha Ronson's ear, nobody seems too sure about how much of a lesbian she is. But if anyone's going to know all the intimate details of Lindsay Lohan's new sapphic endeavours, it's bound to be Michael Lohan - Lindsay's born-again christian ex-convict of an absentee father. So tell us, Michael Lohan - is Lindsay Lohan a gigantic lesbian these days, or is she still big on penis? What's that? You originally said that Lindsay Lohan was a lesbian, but now you're backtracking furiously because you secretly suspect that your big mouth is widening the gulf between you and your daughter and you're trying to be as nondescript as possible to cover for the fact that Lindsay Lohan never tells you anything because you're yet to regain her trust despite several attempts on your part? Why, that doesn't help at all. Sheesh.
Lindsay Lohan’s Dad Not A Huge Fan Of Ex-Wife’s Reality Show
As an absentee father and ex-convict, Lindsay Lohan's father Michael Lohan doesn't get to take the moral high ground all that often. But sometimes it happens, and it sure is sweet when it does. For instance, now that his ex-wife Dina Lohan can be seen distastefully pimping out her 14-year-old daughter Ali for cash in the reality TV show Living Lohan every week, Michael has voiced his concerns about the exploitation and hypocrisy on show in a new blog specifically about Living Lohan on OK! magazine's website. Slagging off your ex-wife and teenage daughter in public for a fee? That certainly sounds like the moral high ground to us. Michael Lohan, you truly are an inspiration to us all.
As an absentee father and ex-convict, Lindsay Lohan's father Michael Lohan doesn't get to take the moral high ground all that often. But sometimes it happens, and it sure is sweet when it does. For instance, now that his ex-wife Dina Lohan can be seen distastefully pimping out her 14-year-old daughter Ali for cash in the reality TV show Living Lohan every week, Michael has voiced his concerns about the exploitation and hypocrisy on show in a new blog specifically about Living Lohan on OK! magazine's website. Slagging off your ex-wife and teenage daughter in public for a fee? That certainly sounds like the moral high ground to us. Michael Lohan, you truly are an inspiration to us all.
Lindsay Lohan: ‘Daddy, Please Shut The Hell Up’
Lindsay Lohan’s tether has finally snapped and - thank almighty Christ - this time we aren’t talking about the tether which battles in vain each day to keep her knickers together. This is largely because hecklerspray, essentially, is a ‘news’ source; something which reports events that have at least a hint of ‘new’ about them; if we were talking about that particular tether ‘finally’ snapping you could get us on the Trades Description Act. Nope, this time the tether of Lindsay’s to which we refer is the one which has hitherto held the explosive rage she feels toward her father far back in the constraints of her mind.
Lindsay Lohan’s tether has finally snapped and - thank almighty Christ - this time we aren’t talking about the tether which battles in vain each day to keep her knickers together. This is largely because hecklerspray, essentially, is a ‘news’ source; something which reports events that have at least a hint of ‘new’ about them; if we were talking about that particular tether ‘finally’ snapping you could get us on the Trades Description Act. Nope, this time the tether of Lindsay’s to which we refer is the one which has hitherto held the explosive rage she feels toward her father far back in the constraints of her mind.
Lindsay Lohan’s Mum: ‘You Will Not See My Daughter’s Vagina!’
Lindsay Lohan's mum, Dina Lohan, has dismissed reports that her daughter will be getting her fanny out for upcoming independent film Florence. The news has no doubt brought a tear to the eye of a million lonely lads who, if Dina is to be believed, will have to make do with what Lindsay has put out for their consumption already – as if that wasn’t enough. But who cares about those wankers? Spare a thought for the producers of the film: you jerk-offs have only lost out on another chance to be titillated - the producers have lost the entire plot to their film!
Michael Lohan: ‘Look At Lindsay Lohan’s Naked Boobs? Bleurgh, No!’
With the world still carping on about Lindsay Lohan's naked photoshoot as if it'd never seen a set of blazing red pubes before, it's nice to hear the occasional voice of dissent.
And that voice of dissent happens to come from Lindsay Lohan's Dad. Michael Lohan is steadfastly refusing to look at the naked Lindsay Lohan spread out of a sense of vague disgust, you see.
Not disgust that his daughter has become nothing more than a cheap sexual commodity, though - Michael Lohan is annoyed that Lindsay Lohan's naked photoshoot has stepped on the toes of his own naked photoshoot; the forthcoming Michael Lohan Presents Anna Nicole Smith, We Hardly Knew Ye for Total Sudoku magazine.
