Posts tagged as:

Michael Jackson

Jermaine Jackson Is Broke So He Must Be Thrilled That He Owes £50,000 To His Ex-Wife

by Matthew Laidlow

The Jackson family really has a lot to answer for in terms of their dire financial situation. Who they gonna blame it on? Most people would point the finger at poor advice given to them from second rate lawyers, but the Jackson family are a wacky bunch of loons, so they’ll end up passing the [...]

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Customary April Fools Fake Death Article: Michael Jackson Dies Again

by Mof Gimmers

Former Paula Abdul backing singer and Earth Wind & Fire dancer, Michael Jackson, has passed away last night in a flurry of controversy, mainly because “he didn’t seem the sort to just die like that, did he?” The former singer, who of course had minor R&B hits such as ‘Let’s Get Serious’ and ‘Raspberry Beret’, [...]

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Jackie Chan Survives Death To Make More Awful Films

by Kris Silver

Martial arts legend and screen icon Jackie Chan survived his own death yesterday, proving once again that he is definitely much harder than Ross Kemp. But that really isn’t saying much. Jackie Chan became a top trending topic on Twitter worldwide after rumours of his death began to circulate on the micro messaging site. Now, [...]

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Jury To Be Chosen For Televised Michael Jackson Trial (Or: Pass The Propofol Popcorn Over The Corpse)

by Mof Gimmers

Great news! Michael Jackson’s death trial is going to be on the television! This is very exciting news! Not only will we be able to witness the astonishingly tedious inner-workings of the law, but we’ll also get to see people protesting about stuff they’ve got no idea about! Yes indeed, our beloved Michael Jackson fans [...]

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Michael Jackson To Be Immortalised Outside Fullham Football Club

by Matthew Laidlow

Have you ever had a dream where at the time everything seems perfectly normal and reasonable? You know, like that talking dog who gave you directions to the local off-license or that rubbish superpower that allows you to squirt orange juice out your nipples? But when the alarm goes off, it’s nothing but a messed [...]

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Celine Dion Set To Screech Out Musical Tribute To Michael Jackson

by Matthew Laidlow

There are multiple reasons why we’re proud to be British instead of Canadian. Not only do we have a delicious national dish known as the curry, but we have produced some of the greatest music in the world across all genres. In Canada, the same can’t be said. With a national delicacy of bashed seal [...]

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Michael Jackson’s Children Defend Conrad Murray, Leaving Fans Wondering Who To Blame

by Mof Gimmers

Boooo! Hissss! Conrad Murray! He’s a rotten sod who killed Michael Jackson by being hopeless! He probably liked Prince’s records better! Boooo! What a stinkin’ rotter! And that’s what 99% of Michael Jackson devotees have spent their time shouting for the past 12 months. Most MJ fans have all this worked out already so they [...]

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Michael Jackson’s Corpse Works Hard Despite Being Financially In Debt To Death Itself

by Mof Gimmers

Michael Jackson has gone from being the most famous popstar in the world, to being something of a penny peep show, to being the most infamous perishable piggy bank in the land. His estate continually picks up his corpse and rattles it to see if there’s any coins left in there. And so, with each [...]

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Michael Jackson Used To Mentally Torture Janet Jackson Because He Was A Nasty Piece Of Work

by Mof Gimmers

Janet Jackson has had a funny ol’ career hasn’t she? At first, she was pretty much derided and then, at some point in the ’80s, she unleashed a record that sounded like RnB as realised in a dark, dystopian future. Then, someone cupped her boobs and she made an album that soundtracked the impregnating of [...]

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Dr Conrad Murray Says That Michael Jackson Was Probably Going To Die Anyway

by Mof Gimmers

Doctor Conrad Murray, a man who, if we believe naysayers, is the most hapless doctor in the world, is claiming that Michael Jackson was on his last legs without his help. It is unclear whether Jackson’s ‘last legs’ went straight into a Moonwalk pose. While everyone thinks of the world ‘Propofol’ in unison, Murray is [...]

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