Articles tagged with: Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson Tribute: Don’t Worry, Vienna’s On It
The saddest thing about Michael Jackson's death is probably the complete lack of attention that it received. There was only a memorial concert. Oh, and endless wall-to-wall radio tributes. And that film that's coming out soon. And a hastily-compiled greatest hits CD. And more ropey-looking unofficial market stall T-shirts than you could count. But that's it. So thank God for Jermaine Jackson, because he's planning a tribute show for Michael Jackson in Vienna. We're guessing that its working title is 'Jermaine Jackson Presents Jermaine Jackson And The Jermaine Jackson Allstars In Jermaine Jackson's Tribute To Michael Jackson (Starring Jermaine Jackson)'.
The saddest thing about Michael Jackson's death is probably the complete lack of attention that it received. There was only a memorial concert. Oh, and endless wall-to-wall radio tributes. And that film that's coming out soon. And a hastily-compiled greatest hits CD. And more ropey-looking unofficial market stall T-shirts than you could count. But that's it. So thank God for Jermaine Jackson, because he's planning a tribute show for Michael Jackson in Vienna. We're guessing that its working title is 'Jermaine Jackson Presents Jermaine Jackson And The Jermaine Jackson Allstars In Jermaine Jackson's Tribute To Michael Jackson (Starring Jermaine Jackson)'.
Ugly Old Statue Looks Exactly Like Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson's dead, and there's nothing any of us can do about it. Sure, you could moonwalk circles around what will probably be his Lincoln Monument-esque tomb, but all that's gonna get you is a really large dead ring of grass. The more ardent of his fans - the ones that whited out Peter, James & John from their New Testements and added in Michael, MJ & Jacko - well their religious adoration of him may not be the first. That's right - it seems the Egyptians may have worshipped his likeness thousands of years ago. So says a crazy looking statue, anyway.
Michael Jackson's dead, and there's nothing any of us can do about it. Sure, you could moonwalk circles around what will probably be his Lincoln Monument-esque tomb, but all that's gonna get you is a really large dead ring of grass. The more ardent of his fans - the ones that whited out Peter, James & John from their New Testements and added in Michael, MJ & Jacko - well their religious adoration of him may not be the first. That's right - it seems the Egyptians may have worshipped his likeness thousands of years ago. So says a crazy looking statue, anyway.
Michael Jackson Movie Released Near Halloween, Hilariously
It's fair to say that the new Michael Jackson film This Is It will be the greatest movie in cinema history. Wait, that needs to be modified. It'll be the greatest Michael Jackson movie in cinema history. No, that's still not right. It'll be the greatest hodge-podge of halfhearted private rehearsal footage of Michael Jackson in cinema history. We're almost there - it'll be the greatest hodge-podge of halfhearted private rehearsal footage of Michael Jackson that's released suspiciously close to Halloween in cinema history. Bingo. That's right - Halloween. Never say that Hollywood doesn't have a sense of humour.
It's fair to say that the new Michael Jackson film This Is It will be the greatest movie in cinema history. Wait, that needs to be modified. It'll be the greatest Michael Jackson movie in cinema history. No, that's still not right. It'll be the greatest hodge-podge of halfhearted private rehearsal footage of Michael Jackson in cinema history. We're almost there - it'll be the greatest hodge-podge of halfhearted private rehearsal footage of Michael Jackson that's released suspiciously close to Halloween in cinema history. Bingo. That's right - Halloween. Never say that Hollywood doesn't have a sense of humour.
Michael Jackson’s Kids: Oliver Twist Says He’s The Dad, Obviously
The day after Michael Jackson died, one face was everywhere - one harrowing, barely-human, oddly-coloured face. But enough about Uri Geller. Mark Lester was everywhere too. Oh come on, you know Mark Lester. He played Oliver Twist in the 1968 movie Oliver! He's the man who a) played a fictional lonely boy looking for acceptance in a cruel world, b) is a real-life child-star who looks like he struggled with the transition to adulthood and c) was befriended by Michael Jackson for some reason. Oh, and d) Mark Lester says he's the biological father of Michael Jackson's daughter. Which didn't take long.
The day after Michael Jackson died, one face was everywhere - one harrowing, barely-human, oddly-coloured face. But enough about Uri Geller. Mark Lester was everywhere too. Oh come on, you know Mark Lester. He played Oliver Twist in the 1968 movie Oliver! He's the man who a) played a fictional lonely boy looking for acceptance in a cruel world, b) is a real-life child-star who looks like he struggled with the transition to adulthood and c) was befriended by Michael Jackson for some reason. Oh, and d) Mark Lester says he's the biological father of Michael Jackson's daughter. Which didn't take long.
Michael Jackson: Joe Jackson Sadly Refuses To Violently Raise Kids
If one positive has come from Michael Jackson's death, it's probably the fact that it's made Joe Jackson famous again. Because, unequivocally, that man is a hero. Joe Jackson proved that, armed with little more than steely focus and a refreshing openness to emotional and physical torment, any normal child can transform into a quivering, tragic, drug-addicted megastar. And after Katherine Jackson was awarded custody of Michael Jackson's children, everyone secretly hoped that Joe Jackson would work his magic on them, too. But it's not to be. Joe Jackson has promised to only intermittently visit and/or terrify the children. Spoilsport.
If one positive has come from Michael Jackson's death, it's probably the fact that it's made Joe Jackson famous again. Because, unequivocally, that man is a hero. Joe Jackson proved that, armed with little more than steely focus and a refreshing openness to emotional and physical torment, any normal child can transform into a quivering, tragic, drug-addicted megastar. And after Katherine Jackson was awarded custody of Michael Jackson's children, everyone secretly hoped that Joe Jackson would work his magic on them, too. But it's not to be. Joe Jackson has promised to only intermittently visit and/or terrify the children. Spoilsport.
Michael Jackson Has A Second Funeral, The Greedy Git
When we die, the only thing we’d like to happen to our corpse is to have it stuffed. That way, we could become a handy coathanger or a funky-looking light if an electrical cable was inserted up our arse. When Michael Jackson was finally buried, it was a surprise that his corpse didn’t emerge from his coffin and slag off his own memorial service. Did he have to see his own children paraded around like monkeys? Probably not, and what about Magic Johnson singlehandedly pimping for KFC? At least in Krindjabo, where Michael was just crowned a prince of the Agni people he got a much more respectable funeral.
When we die, the only thing we’d like to happen to our corpse is to have it stuffed. That way, we could become a handy coathanger or a funky-looking light if an electrical cable was inserted up our arse. When Michael Jackson was finally buried, it was a surprise that his corpse didn’t emerge from his coffin and slag off his own memorial service. Did he have to see his own children paraded around like monkeys? Probably not, and what about Magic Johnson singlehandedly pimping for KFC? At least in Krindjabo, where Michael was just crowned a prince of the Agni people he got a much more respectable funeral.
Michael Jackson: The Doggone Girl (And Boys) Are Katherine Jackson’s
So far the death of Michael Jackson has given a lot to his fans - but what if you're a fan of giant anticlimaxes? Don't worry - Michael Jackson has you covered, too. Because the custody battle over Michael Jackson's kids, which looked certain to be a scrap between Katherine Jackson, Debbie Rowe, the children's biological parents and Diana Flipping Ross, is over. From now on, those kids belong to Katherine Jackson. The children must be thrilled - because nobody's more like Michael Jackson than Katherine Jackson. Apart from a half-melted waxwork figurine of a Munch painting, obviously, but that'd just be impractical.
So far the death of Michael Jackson has given a lot to his fans - but what if you're a fan of giant anticlimaxes? Don't worry - Michael Jackson has you covered, too. Because the custody battle over Michael Jackson's kids, which looked certain to be a scrap between Katherine Jackson, Debbie Rowe, the children's biological parents and Diana Flipping Ross, is over. From now on, those kids belong to Katherine Jackson. The children must be thrilled - because nobody's more like Michael Jackson than Katherine Jackson. Apart from a half-melted waxwork figurine of a Munch painting, obviously, but that'd just be impractical.
Michael Jackson’s Ghost Warned Amy Winehouse Off Drugs. Obviously.
The day the forces of the undead and the deaddead join together in an unholy union has arrived. Live in fear, peons. For you see, the recently (the other year) died-but-didn't Amy Winehouse has been haunted by the ghost of the recently (the other month) died-but-did Michael Jackson. But why did Jackson visit her, of all people? Why, to warn her of the dangers of drugs, obviously. It would seem his spirit learned faster than his body did.
The day the forces of the undead and the deaddead join together in an unholy union has arrived. Live in fear, peons. For you see, the recently (the other year) died-but-didn't Amy Winehouse has been haunted by the ghost of the recently (the other month) died-but-did Michael Jackson. But why did Jackson visit her, of all people? Why, to warn her of the dangers of drugs, obviously. It would seem his spirit learned faster than his body did.
