Articles tagged with: Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson Liked Marijuana As Well, Apparently
As far as celebrity deaths go, Michael Jackson's was fairly rubbish. Think about it, all he died of was a massive drug-induced heart attack.
At least Kurt Cobain went all out crazy mental and blew his own head off due to the heroin taking over his mind.
Elvis proved that death can be slightly comedic after dying on the crapper, all before finishing an artery-clogging cheeseburger. Then you have Michael Hutchence and David Carradine. Basically Michael, if you’d died after shoving a xylophone up your arse while trying to get a monk to play it, we’d have been more impressed. But simple industrial strength prescription drugs killed you. And marijuana – you crazy wacky backy fool.
BREAKING NEWS! Michael Jackson Quite Liked Drugs Or Something
You can say what you like about Michael Jackson, but never say that he didn't have his affairs in order when he died. Admittedly not for his kids or anything, though. But if you're an unauthorised Michael Jackson biographer, then rest assured that Michael had you in mind on the day he died. He must have done, because that's the only explanation for the marijuana, skin-bleaching cream, hair-growing ointments and empty bottles of anti-anxiety drugs that were reportedly found in Michael Jackson's bedroom after his death. Damnit, one instruction book about molesting children away from being a clean sweep. Balls.
You can say what you like about Michael Jackson, but never say that he didn't have his affairs in order when he died. Admittedly not for his kids or anything, though. But if you're an unauthorised Michael Jackson biographer, then rest assured that Michael had you in mind on the day he died. He must have done, because that's the only explanation for the marijuana, skin-bleaching cream, hair-growing ointments and empty bottles of anti-anxiety drugs that were reportedly found in Michael Jackson's bedroom after his death. Damnit, one instruction book about molesting children away from being a clean sweep. Balls.
Michael Jackson’s Not Dead, As This Video Definitely Proves
You know, since Michael Jackson died - we literally haven't eaten a thing. We just can't. Well - not to say we can't eat anything. What we mean is when we eat things now - we only consume things that we think he would have cherished. Like veal. Because it's young. We haven't drank anything either - except for milk, juice, and water. Our family and friends tell us we have to eat something else or we'll die. We say we refuse to - not in a world without MJ! Lucky for our thinning frame, then, Michael's not actually dead. Here's video to prove it.
You know, since Michael Jackson died - we literally haven't eaten a thing. We just can't. Well - not to say we can't eat anything. What we mean is when we eat things now - we only consume things that we think he would have cherished. Like veal. Because it's young. We haven't drank anything either - except for milk, juice, and water. Our family and friends tell us we have to eat something else or we'll die. We say we refuse to - not in a world without MJ! Lucky for our thinning frame, then, Michael's not actually dead. Here's video to prove it.
Michael Jackson Might Have Cooked Up A Batch Of Nazi Children
Ever since Michael Jackson’s children were born, doubt has been cast on who the real daddy is. Some say that the tykes look nothing like their father; other men claim to be the sperm donor. A couple of bright sparks in the community also twigged that his children are white instead of black. Since Jackson’s death, the protective shield masks that were shoved over his kids' heads have been removed. We can now go nuts over what they look like and go aww when they cry at funerals beamed live to the world. Now newspaper reports claim that Michael Jackson created his vision of a perfect child and looked to Nazism for inspiration.
Ever since Michael Jackson’s children were born, doubt has been cast on who the real daddy is. Some say that the tykes look nothing like their father; other men claim to be the sperm donor. A couple of bright sparks in the community also twigged that his children are white instead of black. Since Jackson’s death, the protective shield masks that were shoved over his kids' heads have been removed. We can now go nuts over what they look like and go aww when they cry at funerals beamed live to the world. Now newspaper reports claim that Michael Jackson created his vision of a perfect child and looked to Nazism for inspiration.
Michael Jackson Will Never Ever Be Buried
Michael Jackson did not want to be buried. Everybody knows this - plus there's no plot of ground that could possibly hold his greatness anyway. On top of that - it's common knowledge that in a 1987 Esquire magazine interview he clearly stated that upon death, in place of burial he wished his skeleton to be disassembled and turned into the world's smallest roller coaster. As we understand it, his jaw bone was to be the car, and he envisioned mostly mice riding it. Well whatever happens to his body - it's not happening on his birthday. His funeral's been pushed back again.
Michael Jackson did not want to be buried. Everybody knows this - plus there's no plot of ground that could possibly hold his greatness anyway. On top of that - it's common knowledge that in a 1987 Esquire magazine interview he clearly stated that upon death, in place of burial he wished his skeleton to be disassembled and turned into the world's smallest roller coaster. As we understand it, his jaw bone was to be the car, and he envisioned mostly mice riding it. Well whatever happens to his body - it's not happening on his birthday. His funeral's been pushed back again.
Happy Birthday Michael Jackson, Here’s That Burial You’ve Always Wanted
Michael Jackson's death is such a drag. True, he's have a huge tribute show in September and a film out in October. But what about August? We demand more! We pay Michael Jackson's wages, after all! Entertain us, Michael Jackson! And we don't mean by the ongoing investigation into your allegedly unlawful death, either! We mean something fun! Something like a private burial on what would have been your 51st birthday! Really? That's what your family is organising? Fine, you're forgiven. Oh, we could never stay mad at you, you big lug. Wait, Michael Jackson hasn't been buried yet? Ugh.
Michael Jackson's death is such a drag. True, he's have a huge tribute show in September and a film out in October. But what about August? We demand more! We pay Michael Jackson's wages, after all! Entertain us, Michael Jackson! And we don't mean by the ongoing investigation into your allegedly unlawful death, either! We mean something fun! Something like a private burial on what would have been your 51st birthday! Really? That's what your family is organising? Fine, you're forgiven. Oh, we could never stay mad at you, you big lug. Wait, Michael Jackson hasn't been buried yet? Ugh.
Michael Jackson Tribute: Don’t Worry, Vienna’s On It
The saddest thing about Michael Jackson's death is probably the complete lack of attention that it received. There was only a memorial concert. Oh, and endless wall-to-wall radio tributes. And that film that's coming out soon. And a hastily-compiled greatest hits CD. And more ropey-looking unofficial market stall T-shirts than you could count. But that's it. So thank God for Jermaine Jackson, because he's planning a tribute show for Michael Jackson in Vienna. We're guessing that its working title is 'Jermaine Jackson Presents Jermaine Jackson And The Jermaine Jackson Allstars In Jermaine Jackson's Tribute To Michael Jackson (Starring Jermaine Jackson)'.
The saddest thing about Michael Jackson's death is probably the complete lack of attention that it received. There was only a memorial concert. Oh, and endless wall-to-wall radio tributes. And that film that's coming out soon. And a hastily-compiled greatest hits CD. And more ropey-looking unofficial market stall T-shirts than you could count. But that's it. So thank God for Jermaine Jackson, because he's planning a tribute show for Michael Jackson in Vienna. We're guessing that its working title is 'Jermaine Jackson Presents Jermaine Jackson And The Jermaine Jackson Allstars In Jermaine Jackson's Tribute To Michael Jackson (Starring Jermaine Jackson)'.
Ugly Old Statue Looks Exactly Like Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson's dead, and there's nothing any of us can do about it. Sure, you could moonwalk circles around what will probably be his Lincoln Monument-esque tomb, but all that's gonna get you is a really large dead ring of grass. The more ardent of his fans - the ones that whited out Peter, James & John from their New Testements and added in Michael, MJ & Jacko - well their religious adoration of him may not be the first. That's right - it seems the Egyptians may have worshipped his likeness thousands of years ago. So says a crazy looking statue, anyway.
Michael Jackson's dead, and there's nothing any of us can do about it. Sure, you could moonwalk circles around what will probably be his Lincoln Monument-esque tomb, but all that's gonna get you is a really large dead ring of grass. The more ardent of his fans - the ones that whited out Peter, James & John from their New Testements and added in Michael, MJ & Jacko - well their religious adoration of him may not be the first. That's right - it seems the Egyptians may have worshipped his likeness thousands of years ago. So says a crazy looking statue, anyway.
