The will-he won’t-he train has taken yet another turn towards… umm… won’t… ville… after the news emerged that Michael Jackson is being sued for $40 million.

And it’s probably not even for what you’re thinking it’s for.

What’s that? You think it’s because he’s allegedly contractually obliged to perform in the US in a Jackson 5 reunion show before he comes over to the UK for his 50-show run in the O2 Arena?

Alright then, it is for what you’re thinking it’s for.

It was reported earlier in the year that AllGood Entertainment had flung a cease and desist order the way of the singer and his interesting face, but it has now been confirmed that they will be suing Michael Jackson for a fair bit of money.

The promotions company are looking for $20 million in compensatory damages and a further $20 million in punitive damages.

Wait – do all compensation packages deal in amounts this high? As we know someone who fell over in the street/at work/in some other public place and it wasn’t their fault. If they could get a few million out of it then that would be nice.

Oh – it’s because Michael Jackson‘s an international supermegastar who everyone always wants to sue; not just because he made AllGood fall off a ladder or anything.

A statement released by them that want that money said these words, in a very righteous and “fight the power” fashion:

“This is a case where the little guy followed the rules and was pushed aside by industry giants AEG and the Jacksons for the promise of bigger money and movies.”

Regardless, the suit is saying that Jackson cannot perform his scheduled O2 dates until some time around 2010, after he has hooked up with the Jackson 5 reunion tour.

Wait – why is he going on a J5 reunion?

What do you mean he was in the Jackson 5? But… he… Oh, he’s that one? Well, wonders never cease.

It’s yet another episode in the beginning-to-be long-running saga about a few ruddy gigs that really should be a lot easier to sort out than they are, thanks in no small part to (not) having cancer, the original cease and desist and because he’s a big doo doo head who can’t do anything right.

Needless to say, it’s sure to be a relief for the one who was in the Jackson 5 to get sued about something different for once, instead of just because he’s alleged to have fiddled some kids. Again.

He didn’t do that though, just so we’re clear. We’re just saying he must have a bizarre sense of relief that he’s only being sued for breach of contract, not breach of a youn(CUT! – Ed)

You read that right. Michael Jackson’s London comeback could be in jeopardy already. But why? Has his nose fallen off?

No, Michael Jackson’s nose hasn’t fallen off. Has his chin fallen off? No, Michael Jackson’s chin hasn’t fallen off. Has one of his eyebrows come loose? Look, Michael Jackson’s comeback isn’t in danger because parts of his anatomy keep dropping off, OK? There’s another reason. Concentrate. Remember who we’re talking about.

He’s been sued! Apparently Michael once signed a contract promising not to perform in public until 2010, and now it’s returned to bite him on what remains of his arse.

If you’re one of the million people who’ve bought tickets to Michael Jackson’s big comeback residence at the O2 this summer, we have some bad news. And, for possibly the first time in your life, that news isn’t that you’re in the stupidest percentile of the population thanks to your slavish devotion to a consistently disappointing weirdo who can’t let go of his childhood and looks a little bit like a beached malnourished dogturd.

No. The bad news is that the concerts might be off. And not for any of the reasons you’d expect either, like illness or stagefright or another arrest on suspicion on touching children in bad places – the concerts might be off thanks to a legal threat from another concert promoter. Reuters reports:

New Jersey-based AllGood Entertainment Inc contends it signed an agreement in November with Jackson’s manager, Frank DiLeo, committing the singer to perform in July 2010 along with his brothers from the Jackson Five and sister Janet Jackson. Under the agreement, Michael Jackson cannot give another concert until that Jackson Family reunion show, said Patrick Allocco, managing partner.

We have to admit to feeling a number of conflicting emotions about this. There’s sadness, obviously – the sadness that all those people who paid over the odds to watch a dancing skeleton in a wig wheeze a bunch of 25-year-old songs surrounded by several terrified elephants and one terrified child might end up heartbroken. Then there’s comfort – comfort in the knowledge that, whatever crazy crap happens in the world, there’s always going to be someone with a decent excuse to sue Michael Jackson.

Obviously AllGood Entertainment is genuinely upset about the hurt caused by this alleged breach of contract, and isn’t just suing Michael Jackson because it heard that he’ll be £50 million better off by the autumn and fancied a slice for itself. That’s definitely not the case.

But in all honesty we’d secretly like the lawsuit to halt Michael Jackson’s comeback. Not because we enjoy revelling in the misfortune of others – although, you know - but because it’d rubberstamp the concerts featuring Michael Jackson, The Jackson Five and Janet Jackson. That’s, like, getting to watch six middle-aged hasbeens trudge through the motions out of financial necessity for the price of one. Bargain.

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