It’s been just over a year now since the king of pop passed away.
Unsurprisingly, Michael Jackson died a relatively normal death, cementing our belief that he truly was one of the common people. After all, he didn’t die on the shitter clutching a cheeseburger or indulging in some sort of weird wank play involving a hotel clothes peg and a belt.
After running out of tears to cry into a sparkly glove, we then blubbed bloody sniffles. To console ourselves we went out and purchased his entire back catalogue to add to the other reissused releases to our collection. Then it occurred to us, Michael Jackson wouldn’t want this to happen. He’d like us to celebrate the future and not dwell about the past. Since we knew him so well, we’ve come up with the sort of situations we’d be reporting on if Michael Jackson was still alive…
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By now, you’re probably right to assume that nobody is ever going to shut up about Michael Jackson’s death, ever.
Yes, he’s been dead since last June. But, the way things are going, there’s always going to be something for people to froth on about. First there was Michael Jackson’s death, then there was his silly golden coffin, then that creepy film of his – and now there’s the fact that an amended death certificate confirms Michael Jackson’s cause of death as homicide.
You’re also probably right to assume that this is the first thing of Michael Jackson’s since his death that Jermaine Jackson won’t try and take undue credit for. But who knows, eh? He does seem to love doing that an awful lot.
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You can say what you like about Michael Jackson, but never say that he didn’t have his affairs in order when he died.
Admittedly not for his kids or anything, though. But if you’re an unauthorised Michael Jackson biographer, then rest assured that Michael had you in mind on the day he died. He must have done, because that’s the only explanation for the marijuana, skin-bleaching cream, hair-growing ointments and empty bottles of anti-anxiety drugs that were reportedly found in Michael Jackson’s bedroom after his death.
Damnit, one instruction book about molesting children away from being a clean sweep. Balls.
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