Posts tagged as:

Michael Bay

Megan Fox Killed Off In Transformers 3?

by David Scarborough

Note to Megan Fox: Some people don’t like being called Hitler – especially when they’re your boss. Apparently, in retaliation for her Hitler jibe, Michael Bay has decided to kill Megan Fox off in Transformers 3. If you ask us, he’s gone light on Megan – after all, this is a man who would blow [...]

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Michael Bay In Poorly-Written Email Outburst… ‘Shock’?

by Ian Dransfield

In a shocking indictment of the state of movie directors and their grasp of the English language, Michael Bay has unleashed a furious and poorly-written email in the direction of Paramount’s bigwigs. Bay’s email came as a result of what he perceived to be a lack of marketing behind his new vehicle of childhood butchery, [...]

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Friday The 13th Tops Weekend Box Office In A Stupid Mask

by Stuart Heritage

Friday the 13th is usually considered to be a cursed day thanks to superstition, but Friday the 13th 2009 really was genuinely cursed.

No, honestly it was. This is because a) during Friday the 13th 2009, we got turned away from a restaurant because we hadn’t made a reservation, and b) a godawful movie remake of Friday The 13th came out. Cursed, we tell you.

Worse, the Friday The 13th remake has managed to top the US weekend box office chart. So in about 2018 the godawful remake of Friday The 13th VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan will top the weekend box office too. Joy.

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Megan Fox Drinks Vinegar, Takes Her Top Off and Pretends to be a Lesbian

by Ian Dransfield

Going directly against the orders of Michael Bay, Megan Fox seems to be doing exactly the opposite to piling on some poundage. Whereas the explosion-loving director ordered every young boy in the world’s wet dream to put some weight on for Transformers 2, the actress has revealed that she instead decides to clean herself out [...]

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Shia LaBeouf Selfishly Forces Transformers 2 to be Completely (Slightly) Changed

by Ian Dransfield

It’s something we’ve all been taught from a young age, from our days of appearing in school productions of whatever rubbish the teachers thought our parents may want to see: don’t ruin your body parts when you’re playing the lead character. It’s something that maybe, possibly just should have been taught to everyone’s favourite beef [...]

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Michael Bay Orders Megan Fox To Chub The Flip Up

by Stuart Heritage

You know what the problem is with Megan Fox? You can’t hear her thighs scraping together when she walks anywhere.

This is because Megan Fox clearly isn’t fat enough. Boys only like girls if they’ve got wads of back fat you could lose your fist in and a chin that’s barely visible under the rolls of sweaty neck-lard. There’s nothing more arousing than a girl having a chronic wheezing fit because she’s had to run 10 metres for a bus, right boys?

That’s what Michael Bay thinks, anyway. Now that Transformers 2 is under way, Bay has decided that Megan Fox is far too skinny and that she needs to be 10 pounds heavier. Nobody really knows why, but he’s probably just worried that Megan Fox is so skinny that she’ll buckle and snap under the weight of all Transformer 2′s obvious crappiness.

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Michael Bay Ready To Foul Up Nightmare On Elm Street

by Stuart Heritage

Nightmare On Elm Street was a decent enough film, but there’s one thing it lacked – loads of dull 50-minute exploding car chases soundtracked by endless Linkin Park songs.

But it’s OK, because Michael Bay has decided to produce a new Nightmare On Elm Street movie, so we’re sure that’ll be rectified shortly.

And if we cross our fingers really tight, maybe the new Nightmare On Elm Street will feature a new version of Freddy Krueger who breakdances and speaks in childish Ebonics because he learnt how to communicate through the internet. Fun!

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