Michael Bay - HecklerSpray

Hong Kong Hates Michael Bay More Than Megan Fox

October 20th, 2013 By Megan Leitch

Michael Bay is in Hong Kong filming his next big budget shittastic film, Transformers: Age Of Extinction.? Somehow in between banging extras and being a total douchebag, Bay managed to find time to get his ass attacked by some locals.? And on his first day there!

Of course his production company, and Bay himself, tried to turn the whole thing around by saying Bay was a hero who saved the day like one of the action heroes in his films, but does anyone really believe that?? Everyone knows if it doesn’t involve Bay’s tiny dick or his hugely inflated ego, he couldn’t give two shits about it.? He doesn’t even care about the quality of his films anymore, as long as he makes enough to continue to get chicks way hotter than him to sleep with him for possible roles.?

Leaked Email Regarding Michael Bay’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Film

March 5th, 2013 By Daniel Dockery

What's up, Bay Z? Oh, sorry, Michael Bay Z. Let's keep this thing formal. I got your email about working on a plot synopsis for your Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie.

I brainstormed really hard, took a few minutes and whipped one up. It's an honor to take something that so many people like and change it almost entirely. Were gonna blow people?s minds with this one.

I tried to give it some of that Michael Bay flavor. Hope you like it!

5 Movies They Should Never Remake, But Probably Will

September 20th, 2012 By Gavin Bard

Remake. Just hearing the word is enough to turn the stomach of any discerning film watcher. It wasn’t always like that, but at some point in the last fifteen or so years, Hollywood decided that actually trying to have an original thought wasn’t really worth it anymore. Thus began it’s effort to regurgitate trite and borderline disgusting cash grabs as quick as producers could cut checks and pretend they actually do any work.

Even now that public sentiment has begun to turn against these horrible things, they still churn them out. Not a month goes by without a remake being announced that sends the internet into a blind rage. In 2012, it is estimated that nearly 60% of all movies released are remakes, sequels, or adapted from other material while only 40% are original ideas.

Michael Bay Renames Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Just To Wind You 30somethings Up Even More

March 28th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Michael Bay has been tinkering with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles format as he bids to make a shiny new film about the four reptilian annoyances (okay, Donatello was okay, but the other three were dick-heads of the highest order).

First he told us that they were going to be aliens, then he told us that Splinter was being replaced by a sexy Mexican woman and Bebop & Rocksteady are going to be stoner robots who like dubstep… so what now?

Well, Bay has taken to his blog to tell us that he’s renaming them to make the film ‘simpler’.

Michael Bay To Spoil Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles For Everyone

March 20th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, heroes in a half shell, turtle power. Or, indeed, Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles if you lived in a country so lame that they were frightened of a word.

Anyway, the Turtles are coming back under the teenage boybrain of Michael Bay. April O’Neill is going to be a teen wank fantasy isn’t she? A Shredder will probably have giant robot wang.

And Bay has already upset everyone by hinting at what he’s going to change in the story. It includes the word ‘alien’.

Denise Richards Would Marry Charlie Sheen All Over Again To Stop People Forgetting About Her

August 24th, 2011 By Michael Park

Denise Richards is a bit of a card, isn’t she? She’s been beaten, humiliated, stunned, stalked and shattered by the ongoing revelations about ex-husband Charlie “He’s Actually An Estevez” Sheen but admits that,?despite their nasty break-up and custody battle – she’d marry the tiresome bell-end all over again.

It is thought that Richards has become so terrified of slipping into obscurity that she has actually considered taking on a completely fictional split-personality; just like her ex-husband.

When asked what this second identity might be, a source close to the star merely shrugged his shoulders and asked who she was. He had never heard of her. All the more reason to do get working on Denise Richards 2: Attack of Denise Richards.

Megan Fox Might Be Upset That She Was Caught Cheating. Maybe.

July 13th, 2011 By Amy Grindhouse

We’re more scared of lawyers than we are of spiders – so we’re going to tread carefully, all the while shrieking and flapping like a bunch of hysterical women if any of us sees an actual spider. It’s being reported that the wandering lady garden of Megan Fox bad touched Shia LaBeouf for a whole six months while they were filming together. And, it’s further alleged it’s ruining Megan’s marriage.

Backing up a little, for clarity and because someone needs to hoover under our feet, their tryst first began on the set of Alien Robots Smash Things.

It would appear, at the behest of director Michael Bay, the 20-somethings pretended to fancy each other and that turned into sleeping together.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley And Prince Harry Are Getting Married After Jason Statham Gets Murdered

July 4th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Y’know Rosie Huntington-Whiteley? Of course you don’t… unless you’re 13 years old and have your member in your hand. For the grown-ups among you, she’s the new ‘piece’ in the woeful Transformers film. She’s the woman who has stepped into Megan Fox’s thong.

Looking at her, you can see she’s all neck and lips, very much the human form of Oblina from Aaah! Real Monsters. This, naturally, means that she’s a woman lusted after by the entire world (who doesn’t like a woman who is essentially a thin cylinder with a haircut?) and can have her pick of the eligible bachelors.

So who has she got her heart set on? Some dashing Hollywood dunderhead? Some corned-beef brained NFL player with arms wider than Ed Milliband’s vocabulary? NOPE. She’s wanting some of that Blue Blood in her system as she eyes up Prince Harry for nefarious night-time activities.

Shia LeBeouf And Megan Fox Have Swapped Bodily Fluids While She Was With Her Now Husband

June 28th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Are you a teenager? Chances are you fancy Megan Fox then. She’s effectively an alt.fancy piece as designed on a computer game by young men yet to touch the flesh of another woman, aside from the girls they kinda fancy who they keep punching in the schoolyard.

No right minded adult would lust over Fox because she possesses all the sexual allure of a mop.

Still, that didn’t stop Shia LaBeouf who has admitted that he hooked up with Megan while they were making the Transformers films (read our Transformers 3 review here). Better still, she was probably attached to her now-husband Brian Austin Green at the time.

Movie Review: Transformers: Dark Of The Moon (Or, We Went To Watch Transformers 3 And Things Went Kaboom!)

August 5th, 2012 By hecklerspray staff

Right lets cut to the chase, Transformers: Dark of the Moon has a crap script and the acting is, for lack of a better word, shit. Sorry Michael, but bear with us because you come off good in the end?

It's still got those bloody parents in it, it's rife with dodgy racial stereotyping, the irritating shitty robots who do nothing but make lame jokes, penis references and Patrick Dempsey. Trust us – the list goes on!

Frankly it's difficult to understand why scriptwriter Ehren Kruger is even working on Transformers still, having failed so miserably with the last film. Worst still, despite getting rid of Megan Fox, director Michael Bay has seemingly opted for yet another hottie with zero acting skills in the form of Rosie Huntington-Whitley who seems to spend more time pouting and looking dead to the world than actually contributing to the bloody film. For a director with such a skill at creating visual feasts for the eyes, he sure is ignorant when it comes to the storytelling behind a film… but this is an brilliant film, right?