That's us for this year, then – we're off to spend a week celebrating Christmas by not staring at two-dimensional flickering screen positioned nine inches away from our noses for 13 hours a day.

Almost – you'll still be able to read our now-traditional Christmas Best-Of lists between Boxing Day and New Year's Eve. But look how good 2007 has been – every single famous person in the world has either overdosed on drugs, made a sex tape, got pregnant, wound up in jail or spent prolonged periods of time locked up in jail. Every single one. Will 2008 be able to top that? Of course it will! At the rate things are going, if Britney Spears hasn't caused a large nuclear reactor to melt down and explode by Valentine's day we'll be awfully surprised. And hecklerspray might even have a surprise or two up its sleeve for you as well…

Not that 2007 hasn't been a sterling year for us. We've won awards, been threatened with legal action from famous Hollywood directors, had our name mispronounced twice by Sky News presenters and – best of all – we're twice as big now than we were at this point last year. A lot of that is down to you, you crazy bunch of kids. All of us here would like to thank you from the bottom of our hearts, but our natural aversion to sincerity in any form won't let us. So we've roped in our famous friend Alec Baldwin to tell you all the things we want to, but can't.

We'll be back in full force on January 2 to try and make news out of the scraps of post-Christmas nothingness that'll be bobbing around. But until then, have a jolly bloody merry Christmas, the sodding lot of you.