Articles tagged with: Mercy James
Madonna’s Malawi Adopto-Snatch Made Gloriously Official
When Madonna adopts a child, it's hard. There's the spoon-feeding. There's the bathing. There's the constant threat of incontinence. Yup, that Madonna sure does take a lot of looking after. But little Mercy James is bound to cope. Because, just as we've been expecting all week, the Malawi Supreme Court has finally approved Madonna's request to formally adopt Mercy James and take her home. Madonna has fought so hard for this - it's everything she's always wanted. Until next week when she decides that she also wants a diamond-studded unicorn, and throws another pissy fit when someone tells her no, obviously.
When Madonna adopts a child, it's hard. There's the spoon-feeding. There's the bathing. There's the constant threat of incontinence. Yup, that Madonna sure does take a lot of looking after. But little Mercy James is bound to cope. Because, just as we've been expecting all week, the Malawi Supreme Court has finally approved Madonna's request to formally adopt Mercy James and take her home. Madonna has fought so hard for this - it's everything she's always wanted. Until next week when she decides that she also wants a diamond-studded unicorn, and throws another pissy fit when someone tells her no, obviously.
Madonna Gets To Snatch That African Orphan After All
It's time to congratulate Madonna. And not because she only got up to pee 17 times last night - although that is her personal best this year. Instead Madonna appears to have defied international adoption law and all number of child trafficking protesters by winning her appeal to adopt little Mercy James, the orphan that she couldn't have a few months ago. It's unknown how Madonna convinced the judges to allow the adoption since, when asked, their voices were muffled by the sumptuous collar of their new fur coat and drowned out by the roar of their gleaming speedboat respectively.
It's time to congratulate Madonna. And not because she only got up to pee 17 times last night - although that is her personal best this year. Instead Madonna appears to have defied international adoption law and all number of child trafficking protesters by winning her appeal to adopt little Mercy James, the orphan that she couldn't have a few months ago. It's unknown how Madonna convinced the judges to allow the adoption since, when asked, their voices were muffled by the sumptuous collar of their new fur coat and drowned out by the roar of their gleaming speedboat respectively.
Madonna’s Adoption Plans Shelved Foreverish
All Madonna wanted was to collect African orphans and secretly drink their spinal fluid to preserve her youth. Or, you know, look after them and give them a lifestyle they could never even imagine. Or whatever. Anyway, it doesn't matter now because it's all off. Madonna has discovered that her appeal to adopt three-year-old Mercy James from Malawi has been shelved indefinitely. 'Indefinitely' is a deceptively woolly term, so let's try to break it down for you - it's roughly the period of time that Madonna falsely thinks she can still get away with dressing like someone 35 years younger than her.
All Madonna wanted was to collect African orphans and secretly drink their spinal fluid to preserve her youth. Or, you know, look after them and give them a lifestyle they could never even imagine. Or whatever. Anyway, it doesn't matter now because it's all off. Madonna has discovered that her appeal to adopt three-year-old Mercy James from Malawi has been shelved indefinitely. 'Indefinitely' is a deceptively woolly term, so let's try to break it down for you - it's roughly the period of time that Madonna falsely thinks she can still get away with dressing like someone 35 years younger than her.
Madonna Can’t Have That Orphan She Had Her Eye On
It's a big day for Madonna - although at her age any day that she doesn't shatter her hip slipping in the bath is a big day. What's the occasion? Why, despite her best efforts, a court has rejected Madonna's bid to adopt Mercy James from Malawi. It's sad news - Madonna had already ordered Mercy 25 genuinely offensive leotards and purchased a special little drill to gap her teeth and everything. What’s Madonna’s next step? Well, she can either appeal against the ruling or adopt a kid from Gloucestershire and just black it up a bit. The second one’s probably easier.
It's a big day for Madonna - although at her age any day that she doesn't shatter her hip slipping in the bath is a big day. What's the occasion? Why, despite her best efforts, a court has rejected Madonna's bid to adopt Mercy James from Malawi. It's sad news - Madonna had already ordered Mercy 25 genuinely offensive leotards and purchased a special little drill to gap her teeth and everything. What’s Madonna’s next step? Well, she can either appeal against the ruling or adopt a kid from Gloucestershire and just black it up a bit. The second one’s probably easier.
Madonna’s Son Doesn’t Recognise Madonna’s Son’s Dad
The best thing about Madonna going to Malawi this week is Malwai getting to see what a leotarded vagina looks like. No, wait, that's disgusting. What we meant to say was that the best thing about Madonna going to Malawi this week is that her adopted son David Banda can meet his biological father Yohane for the first time since Madonna took him out of the country. Because, really, what's the worst thing that can happen? David Banda not recognising Yohane and asking him who he is and why he's so poor through an interpreter? Oh, that actually happened? Awkward.
The best thing about Madonna going to Malawi this week is Malwai getting to see what a leotarded vagina looks like. No, wait, that's disgusting. What we meant to say was that the best thing about Madonna going to Malawi this week is that her adopted son David Banda can meet his biological father Yohane for the first time since Madonna took him out of the country. Because, really, what's the worst thing that can happen? David Banda not recognising Yohane and asking him who he is and why he's so poor through an interpreter? Oh, that actually happened? Awkward.
Lock Up Your Orphans, Malawi – Madonna’s In Town
Madonna - essentially Chitty Chitty Bang Bang's Child Catcher with a more prominent vagina - is in Malawi. You know what this means? Madonna isn't leaving until she's snagged herself an orphan. It doesn't matter how - whether she does it legally or has to bend a few rules or resorts to wedging one between the gap in her teeth when nobody's looking - it's going to happen. Of course, Madonna denies this. But then she would - otherwise this story would never stretch out for so long that it makes us want to kill ourselves. And surely that's the only reason she's even doing this.
Madonna - essentially Chitty Chitty Bang Bang's Child Catcher with a more prominent vagina - is in Malawi. You know what this means? Madonna isn't leaving until she's snagged herself an orphan. It doesn't matter how - whether she does it legally or has to bend a few rules or resorts to wedging one between the gap in her teeth when nobody's looking - it's going to happen. Of course, Madonna denies this. But then she would - otherwise this story would never stretch out for so long that it makes us want to kill ourselves. And surely that's the only reason she's even doing this.
