Hello dipsticks. We haven’t done a readers’ letters for a while have we? To be honest, we’ve been busy. Busy lording it up at an award ceremony and, prior to that, begging you for votes and rigging the process so that we definitely won.

Also, we’ve been very wounded by those slating the video. We take all your insults personally and it’s very hard of us… *bites fist and fights tears*… sorry… it’s just… we try our best y’know?

Okay. We don’t. We’re lazy. Very lazy. And unprofessional. And liars. Either way, we’ve waddled back to the foetid sack of letters and correspondence and, Christ, you lot are still as barking as ever. Shall we have a look together? You’ll find some white-supremacy and bad spelling!

In a week where people decided it was time to overthrow an oppressive regime, the hecklerspray bedsit has been full of rumours that Editor Mof’s reign of terror might finally be coming to an end.

That was before we were all lashed to our typewriters and forced to hammer out words about Alfonso Ribeiro’s career and Kim Kardashian’s vagina. All in a week’s work.

Still, the time has come for us to dig our hands deep into the vomit-soaked correspondence satchel and find the best and worst of our readers’ views.

Every week, the hecklerspray postbag overflows with the kind of putrid bile usually reserved for the Right Wing media telling people of different creeds, colours or sexual orientation how everything they’ve ever done or thought is filth which should be banned and then burned on a pyre while the ranks of middle England’s disaffected gentry dance around in sports jackets, caterwauling into the sky.

Of course, usually we love that kind of thing. All of you people coming over and telling us that we’re poor excuses for both “journalists” and “human beings” really gets us off.

That is to say, it really gets the editorial staff off and once they’ve reassured the writers enough that they stop crying floods of crocodile tears, they have a little fumble with themselves over people calling them “scum” and “Scrappy Doo”.

Hello skidmarks. How are we all? Don’t answer that because we honestly couldn’t care less. That’s because we’re far too busy sifting through the lunacy of the ‘spray mailbag. And by jove, there are some Grade A nutters about.

Of course, the obligatory Michael Jackson Mentalists are shouting at us while draped in soiled bedsheets, holding a solitary candle aloft in tribute to the world’s most famous freak show.

However, in a weird turn of events, the mailbag got sexy this week with some absolute filth pouring from your dirty, dirty mouths. Seriously. Over the jump you’ll find some appallingly x-rated rants from readers. Shall we? Lets.