Articles tagged with: Mental
Everything is in place for the Big Britney Spears Comeback - she has a new song, a new video and she's learnt how to wear clothes properly and not cry again. There's just one thing missing - the grovelling atonement for all of her wrongs. But, wait, because that's coming too - Britney Spears has announced a 90-minute MTV documentary all about her personal upsets, to be called something like but not necessarily Britney Spears: Yeah, Sorry About Shaving My Hair Off And Screaming About How I'm The Devil And Stuff. It's hoped that the documentary will be Britney Spears' way of describing all the terrible mental anguish she's been through in past through years, so that hopefully everyone can understand her side and put it behind them. Well, not all of Britney Spears' mental anguish, obviously - it's only a 90-minute documentary and she'll probably want to spend more than a fifth of a nanosecond describing each of her individual character flaws.
Another day, another wonderful look into the personal life of a fame casualty. Well, we say 'a', we should really say 'the' fame casualty. Yes folks, it's Britney Watch day 35,598 - what's going to happen?! Not much really, but still - the conservatorship that has been in place since February of this year has been extended for another five months. Meaning what, exactly? Well, that daddy gets to tell little Miss Spears what to do, how to do it and how to spend her money until the end of the year, as well as being in control of, well - everything. And we bet he's loving every second of it.
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer: it's a decent way of looking at things. But not so decent when your enemy is a paparazzo, who deals entirely on getting pictures of you in compromising positions, exchanging your dignity for cold, hard cash.
Damn - someone should have told Britney Spears this before she started her relationship with British photo-jockey Adnan Ghalib. See, keeping one's enemies closer does work in many situations, but when your enemy's sole purpose in life is to get as close to you as they legally can, you should probably opt for 'running away quite fast and keeping your enemy at a few arms' length'.
Alas, our poor, maybe quite mental Britney wasn't warned, and now she's supposedly trying to stop another wonderful celebrity sex tape from being released to the baying public. If only people would help to look after the girl.
What are the two things that all women want? That's right - an increasingly dried-up acting career and an ex-husband who's in Bon Jovi.
And those are precisely the two things that Heather Locklear has got. You'd think that Heather Locklear would be the happiest woman on the face of the earth, wouldn't you? Well you're wrong. In fact, there's a pretty good chance that Heather Locklear is one of the saddest.
Heather Locklear's just checked into an Arizona medical facility for psychological treatment as she's said to be suffering from anxiety and depression. And who can blame her - an actress of her calibre must be exhausted from taking on so many different personalities over the years. Sometimes Heather Locklear mustn't know if she's the woman who made one generic cameo appearance in Two And A Half Men, or the woman who made two generic cameo appearances in Ally McBeal. We feel for her, we really do.
This might come as a shock to some of you, so prepare yourselves - Britney Spears is mentally unwell.
And that might not be new - we guessed that the moment Britney shacked up with Kevin Federline - but Britney Spears' manager Sam Lufti has apparently told Barbara Walters that Britney suffers from "mental issues" that she's seeking treatment for.
And how did Britney Spears celebrate this news? By having a gigantic fight with Sam Lufti and then sobbing on a pavement in front of the whole world. In case we didn't already get the message.
Now that she's at her lowest-ever ebb, it seems obvious that what Britney Spears needs is some homespun, slightly sensationalist advice given by a TV presenter who looks like a shaved bear.
So with that in mind, thank Christ that Dr Phil has taken it upon himself to personally wade in and resolve to fix Britney Spears' broken mind forever. According reports, Dr Phil managed to accompany Britney Spears home after her weird little episode on Thursday evening that ended up with her being wheeled to hospital in a stretcher for psychological tests. And Dr Phil is so hell-bent on sorting out Britney Spears' life that he's even going to do a TV show all about it tomorrow. And quite right too, because if anything's going to set Britney onto the straight and narrow it's the sight of a chubby bald man pointing at a photo of her and shouting "Let's do it! Get real!" 350 times on the trot on daytime TV.
It's been a few hours since Britney Spears was wheeled out of her house on a stretcher, possibly on drugs, after a dispute with Kevin Federline over custody of their children.
So what more do we know now? Well, the main news is that Britney Spears has gone to hospital for tests. Not maths or spelling tests - it's far too early to put a strain like that on someone as fragile as Britney Spears - but psychological tests. After a run of weird behaviour that's lasted long over a year, doctors will soon check Britney Spears' system for drugs and alcohol and then begin to assess her mentally to see if she's a danger to herself, her kids or anyone else around her. This process might take anything up to three days, which means by Monday morning we'll know if Britney Spears is a heartbreaking sufferer of a mental illness of just a bit of an overdramatic numpty.
