There’s no point kidding yourself, you knew this day was coming – Melinda Messenger has been voted off Dancing On Ice.
Not even being spun around one-handed ten feet in the air could save Melinda Messenger last night. It was inevitable – Melinda was just built wrong for skating. Her jaw is so perfectly square that the only way she could ever hope to find perfect balance would be to have her tits surgically implanted onto her arse, and that’d just be weird.
So who’ll win Dancing On Ice? Here’s our rundown for Coleen Nolan…
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Oh Dancing On Ice, how could you do this to us? First you get rid of Todd Carty and now Eller Hanley too?
Ellery Hanley was voted off Dancing On Ice last night, and for a very good reason – although he could easily beat you in a fight, his ice skating is dreadful. To be fair, Ellery’s routine last night to Come On Eileen had some good points. It’s just that none of them happened to include ice skating. Truly, the man was awful.
So, Ellery Hanley’s out, but here’s the Dancing On Ice rundown for Melinda Messenger and Donal MacIntyre…
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Right, our last reason to watch Dancing On Ice has now vanished for good – Todd Carty’s been voted off.
Don’t you people understand? Todd Carty was meant to be the glorious popular underdog all through Dancing On Ice, and he was supposed to win it. And he was supposed to make a mockery of Dancing On Ice and kill it off forever. But, oh no, you have to go and make it all about ‘skating’, don’t you. Bleurgh.
Anway, here’s part one of this week’s Dancing On Ice rundown, for Melinda Messenger and Donal MacIntyre…
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As well as being the show where everyone decided that they didn’t like Michael Underwood, Sunday’s Dancing On Ice was special for another reason.
And that was the return of Christopher Dean. For the last few shows Christopher Dean had been out of action with an injury, so he had been unable to open the show with a fancy skating routine. But on Sunday, he and Jane Torvill were back doing what they do best – dressing up like a gay waiter and a chavvy single mother respectively. Hooray!
Anyway, here’s our Dancing On Ice rundown for Melinda Messenger and Coleen Nolan…
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Hooray for Dancing On Ice, the show we’ve decided to follow three weeks in out of a mixture of boredom and self-loathing.
If you missed yesterday’s epic, endless, two-hour Dancing On Ice, you missed Jeremy Edwards getting voted off. Jeremy got the boot either because he was rubbish at skating or because of the temper tantrum he threw when he realised that the judges didn’t share his love of himself. We have neither the time nor the inclination to find out.
But enough about Jeremy Edwards, here’s our Dancing On Ice rundown on Donal MacIntyre and Melinda Messenger…
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There’s no point kidding yourself, you knew this day was coming – Melinda Messenger has been voted off Dancing On Ice.
