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Megan Fox

Megan Fox To Only Do SciFi: One Demographic Just Jizzed Itself

by Paul Gibson

This is a sponsored article, brought to you in association with Atkinson’s Sports Socks: now twice as absorbent.

We must begin with an apology to the nation’s High School teachers: you are about to experience an outbreak amongst your male pupils of awkwardly hunched walking, unwillingness to stand up, and the drawing of hugely-penised human-like robots – bearing the faces of your pupils – rogering SciFi film heroines.

Sorry.

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Megan Fox Evicts Herself From Ex-Fiance’s House

by Stuart Heritage

If you’re 14 years old, male and constantly aroused, you might want to start investing in some breath mints.

Because Megan Fox is single. She’s definitely single. Yes, we know that Megan Fox broke off her engagement to Brian Austin Green last week, which usually denotes a certain amount of singleness, but now Megan Fox has moved her stuff out of his house, too.

And you know what that means? It means that Brian Austin Green, having lost the most attractive person he’ll ever get the chance to be with, is now officially the new Jennifer Aniston. Have fun with that, Brian.

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Megan Fox: The Wedding’s Off And So’s The Tattoo

by Paul Gibson

The lady from Transformers has announced that her engagement is over. We suggest all 14-year-old boys take a moment to breathe before reading any further.

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Megan Fox To Become The New Clumsily-Accented Lara Croft?

by Stuart Heritage

If there was a list of Films That Nobody Remembers, there’s no way that Lara Croft: Tomb Raider would be on it.

And that’s because nobody would remember it enough to include it. But just because it’s primarily famous for being the only film in history that people actually forgot about while they were watching it, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider is getting a reboot.

The favourite to become the new Lara Croft is Megan Fox. Not because she looks like Angelina Jolie mind you, but because… oh, OK – it is because she looks like Angelina Jolie. Who are we kidding?

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Megan Fox Announces Lesbian Stripper Love, All Teenage Boys Explode

by Stuart Heritage

As a terrifying sex cyborg sent back from the future to destroy mankind, Megan Fox knows exactly how much self-abuse she’s responsible for.

But even though she’s easily caused enough teenage ejaculations to power a rocket trip to the moon, Megan Fox knows that her work is still not done. And that’s why Megan Fox has told GQ magazine that she once had a sizzling lesbian relationship with a female stripper from Russia called Nikita.

We can’t congratulate Megan Fox enough for telling us this. Honestly, with the world’s financial markets in meltdown and the worst recession for a century looming over us all, Megan Fox implying that she might have once rubbed her clodge against a stripper’s clodge has single-handedly resuscitated the ailing tissue industry. Megan, we salute you.

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Megan Fox Drinks Vinegar, Takes Her Top Off and Pretends to be a Lesbian

by Ian Dransfield

Going directly against the orders of Michael Bay, Megan Fox seems to be doing exactly the opposite to piling on some poundage. Whereas the explosion-loving director ordered every young boy in the world’s wet dream to put some weight on for Transformers 2, the actress has revealed that she instead decides to clean herself out [...]

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Michael Bay Orders Megan Fox To Chub The Flip Up

by Stuart Heritage

You know what the problem is with Megan Fox? You can’t hear her thighs scraping together when she walks anywhere.

This is because Megan Fox clearly isn’t fat enough. Boys only like girls if they’ve got wads of back fat you could lose your fist in and a chin that’s barely visible under the rolls of sweaty neck-lard. There’s nothing more arousing than a girl having a chronic wheezing fit because she’s had to run 10 metres for a bus, right boys?

That’s what Michael Bay thinks, anyway. Now that Transformers 2 is under way, Bay has decided that Megan Fox is far too skinny and that she needs to be 10 pounds heavier. Nobody really knows why, but he’s probably just worried that Megan Fox is so skinny that she’ll buckle and snap under the weight of all Transformer 2′s obvious crappiness.

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Megan Fox Wants To Get All Naked!

by Matthew Laidlow

Some people say that the film industry is churning out the same boring stuff week after week.

If it’s not another re-make, adaptation, based on a book or a sequel then it’s amazing to see something off any original merit reaching the big screen.

Transformer Megan Fox is sick of this and is making a one women stance against the generic films being exported out of various film studios. She wants to take things back to the old school and revisit the industry in the 1930s. You may think she wants to don a Charlie Chaplin style moustache and partake in silent films, but you’d be wrong. Instead she wants to do a film in the nude. All because she believes it was done “arty” back then.

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Megan Fox Apparently Rather Sexy Now

by Stuart Heritage

If you watched the Transformers movie, then you’ll have noticed how sexy Megan Fox is.

Well, maybe not. Maybe you’ll have been too busy noticing how much enjoyment Michael Bay was taking in stomping all over your beloved childhood memories by filling the movie with piddle jokes and confusing Ebonics-speaking robots who enjoy watching teenagers have sex. Anyhow, Megan Fox was also in Transformers and she was sexy.

And that sexiness is official, because the results of FHM’s 100 Sexiest Women In The World poll has just been released, and Megan Fox is number one. Congratulations, then, to Megan Fox, who can now go to sleep at night knowing that more gawky teenage boys furiously masturbate to disturbing imagined adolescent sexual scenarios involving her than anyone else. Masturbate and then cry. Or is that just us?

If you watched the Transformers movie, then you'll have noticed how sexy Megan Fox is. Well, maybe not. Maybe you'll have been too busy noticing how much enjoyment Michael Bay was taking in stomping all over your beloved childhood memories by filling the movie with piddle jokes and confusing Ebonics-speaking robots who enjoy watching teenagers have sex. Anyhow, Megan Fox was also in Transformers and she was sexy. And that sexiness is official, because the results of FHM's 100 Sexiest Women In The World poll has just been released, and Megan Fox is number one. Congratulations, then, to Megan Fox, who can now go to sleep at night knowing that more gawky teenage boys furiously masturbate to disturbing imagined adolescent sexual scenarios involving her than anyone else. Masturbate and then cry. Or is that just us?
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